Spouse of a depressed woman needs advise

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butter13
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/18/2010 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all, I am brand new to this forum and I am in need of some advise and words of encouragement.  Let me tell you a little about myself and my beautiful wife.  The two of us have been together for about eight years.  We are married and have a beautiful 3 and 1/2 year old son.  My wife has struggled with anxiety since we met, but recently she has been severly depressed.  She has had a couple of break downs involving depression, alcohol, and bolimia.  She saught counceling for the bolimia for a short time, but didn't see it through.  Last week I received a disturbing phone call from her while I was at work.  She was intoxicated and in the middle of an emotional break down.  She informed me that she had called 911 and they were coming to get her.  She could feel the on set and asked one of the nieghbors to take our son.  I left work immediately, and upon arriving home the local PD was there along with EMT's.  She decided to go with them volentarily and was committed for 96 hours.  I love this woman to death, and it destroyed me to see her like this.  I want to see her well, I love her so much and she is an amazing mom.  But this episode was so scary and my son witnessed the entire episode.  While committed my wife was diagnosed dual dissorder (mood dissorder, bolemic) border line alcoholic as well.  She is beginning Intensive Out Patient treatment today, and it includes a family treatment day.  My question is:  How do I find support groups for spouses of depressed loved ones.  And for those of you that have dealt with this how do I best prepare myself to be as supportive as I can be without being an enabler?  As I have mentioned I am not the kind of guy that walks away from problems.  I meant what I said when I took my vows.  "For better or worse, and in sickness and in health"  I love this woman with all of my heart and want to be there in the right capacity to help her through this, but I realize I may need help as well.  Thank you all for listening.  I look forward to your responses.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 5/18/2010 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butter13,

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. My suggestion would be to love her as you do, support her as you are, but maybe counseling would help you to cope and not enable her. A counselor would give you very good advice as to how to deal with everything and the best way to care for your wife. You would get objective advice and much support. That is where I would start if I were you. And I think that you can do this. Knowing that she is going through a lot, you can support her, but I think you need some extra support for yourself too.

Best wishes, keep posting, I am sure that there will be other members on with some advice for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 5/20/2010 1:29 AM (GMT -7)   
i would recommend that you receive some assistance from her treating doctors. info to help her, and you, family. and also seek advice from the hospital as well. i hope she is doing better. i send healing compassionate thoughts your way. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


butter13
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/2/2010 12:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for kind words and support, this has been a difficult time and although I don't post often I have been reading extensively and it has been very helpful. On a good note, my wife has committed herself to her treatment and has embraced the process. She has not had a drink since the episode that brougth it all to light. Her IOP treatment has been a great resource for local support and I am going to be joining a group for spouses dealing with depressed partners. My wife's dad came down for a little over a week to help ensure that this didn't impact my ability to work and my parents are now in town helping out. Everyone has been so supportive of myself and my wife. The healing process has begun. I hope my wife see it through and continues the journey to recovery and wellness. Thanks again to all, and God Bless!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/2/2010 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butter13,

This is such fantastic news. I am glad that you and your wife are working on things together and that your family is there to support you. You are very fortunate in that. Keep your chin up and keep on trying. You will get there, like you said you are at the beginning of your healing journey.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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