i don't know how to do this!

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Lee259
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 5/19/2010 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys,
 
I'm posting this as I really don't know how I can carry on i'm just so down. Let me explain:
Last year I got a job with the most wonderful family ever, lookikng after the children after school, and caring for their disabled daughter in the mornings before she went to school. then sadly at the end of last year the little girl passed away, I tried to be strong when with the family but when on my own would cry, sometime I would cry myself to sleep. I still work with the family and over the months this has got easier, and I've meet many lovely people. Then a few months ago I starting working part time with a very colse friend of the family who I had made friends with, only now she is dying, I've been helping to look after her but she is now so close to death that they have a nurse there 24/7. I want to be strong for the family, but finding it really hard. I know I must keep strong for them but inside i'm falling apart and I'm really worried that this may come over to the family.
I've lost many family members to death so I know how they are feeling at this time and how they will feel when she goes, I only lost a family member earlier this year. I'm a mess inside (crying as I write this) however try to act as if I'm ok when I'm with people. I really don't know how to handle this anymore but want to do whats right for the family :s
 
Can anyone help me?  The stress and upset is really upsetting my medical conditions and don't know what to do :(
Any advise would be greatly received
 
Many thanks
Lee259 x
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 5/19/2010 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lee,

Welcome to the forum. I am so glad that you posted. I wonder if counseling would help you. You have dealt with a lot. Death is hard to take, and the older we get, the more that we see. But you have dealt with much of it and I think that counseling would help you.

Coming here is good too. Members can advise you on what they do. I try to think of it as the person is going to a better place. No pain, no disabilities, just happiness. And I am sure that they are looking down on you and guiding you though this.

Keep posting. Know that we all care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Beautiful Glass
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lee,

Even though I haven't lost people the way you have, I have had my share of it. I had my father die of drowning accident, 3 people of cancer and one of a car accident. It's very hard to stay strong for the people around you and I'm so happy that you did stay as strong as you did. The people who have lost members do need a helping hand and smile. And the fact that you are helping someone else how is dying takes alot of guts and alot of soul. I can tell that you are a wonderful person and that you care alot about others. But, remember you can have your time to grieve and at times its really needed. Death is hard to handle but know that if you keep your head held high it's going to get better if you let it.
Good luck to you and your in my prayers.

~Beautiful Glass

Lee259
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 5/19/2010 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks guys,

It's just so hard to go on at times like this. I called the family this eveing to let them know that what ever they need, I'm here, weather it's something they need me to do or just a shoulder to cry on I'm there for them. The oldest son told me that his mother is slipping away now and they don't think it will be long now :(  
It's really had as the youngest son has a condition where his mind and the way he thinks is younger than his age, and he's finding it really hard to take in that his mother won't be there any more, he still lives with his mother and has always thought that she would be there for him.  Has anyone got any ideas how I can help him as he's falling apart :(

Thanks for all your help
Lee259 xx


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 5/19/2010 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lee,

Will your friend's son be able to live on his own? If not is there any arrangements set up for his care?

You can be there for moral support. Try to guide him through this. Make sure he gets some sort of grief counseling when his mother passes. Are you able to intervene in ways that you can help him? I sure do hope so. He also has his older brother so that is good.

Mostly try to be there for support. As much as you can, if this starts to effect you with depression, you might have to step back for yourself. Know that we are all here for you. Post at anytime.

Beautiful Glass,

I am sorry for your losses too. Know that I am thinking about you and praying for you.

We all are here for both of you and we all do care. Please remember that.

take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 5/19/2010 8:57:36 PM (GMT-6)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 5/19/2010 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Lee, my heartfelt compassionate thoughts are with you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Lee259
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 5/20/2010 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi All,
 
Just to let you all know that my friend passed away at 11:12pm on Wednesday 19th may :(
 
Thanks everyone
 
Lee259

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 5/20/2010 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lee,

I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. Know that we are all here for you and you are in our thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

Think about getting some grief counseling if this is difficult for you. It really does help.

Take care Lee,

Know that we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Lee259
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 5/21/2010 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi guys,

Just to let you know the update. My friends sons are in a right state at the moment, I am trying to help where I can, but also think it is important that they have time together on there own as a family. The other sons have said the the youngest son (the one with health problems) can go and live with one of them if he would like, however the youngest son dosen't want to leave his girlfriend, but his girlfriend can't have him living with her as she only has a small flat, that is very small, which she has because she cares for her parents. I don't think it's right to take him away from his girlfriend at a time like this but don't know what else to do, as it has to be a family choice that works for all of them  :(

Will update more when I can

Thanks to you all
Lee259


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 5/21/2010 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
my deepest condolences to you lee. things will get better in time. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/22/2010 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lee, I have to say right from the start that you are doing a job that I would not be able to do. I would love to help people in such a way....but part of the territory is that you are caring for those who are not healthy. There is certainly no real easy way for it to be dealt with at the time, nor after the event when thinking back. My personal suggestion and way of realizing the truth of the situation to make you feel as you should. I believe in the Bible, and I know that when someone goes who is also a believer it is not an entirely sad occasion. The person is clearly not comfortable, is in pain, and is unable to even take care of their own simple needs. A much better place waits for those who know. I recently had a family member pass away, and it was very very hard. Even knowing what I know...I was sad, I cried a lot, but that is only for my OWN loss that I was crying. I will miss this person greatly, but only for so long as the few years that my life spans. The hospice worker we had for the passing was very understanding and had even mentioned to us the better and right way to look at it, before we had told him how we thought about it. Yes it is sad, but it is sad only for yourself. If they are not Bible believers then just kindly make the Word available, talk to them some, and let them come to what they do, that is all anyone can do. That alone would be the only way I could see myself being able to deal with that job or anything to do with people dying. I would struggle, but you must realize the truth of the matter, and if you can it will surly help you. I will pray for you Lee, and I hope that this helps you and your patients/families on some level.




C

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/23/2010 6:58:03 PM (GMT-6)


Lee259
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 6/16/2010 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,

Thanks for all you kind words. they really do help. we have a service for my friend next month and its going to be one of the biggest get togethers I have ever been to. Just hope the sons can hold it together.

Thanks again

Lee x

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40571
   Posted 6/16/2010 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Lee,

You will be able to. There may be teary moments, but you all will have them. I hope that you have a good time next month. You can all share stories. I have been to many funerals and services, and they always turn out good.

Best wishes to you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 6/16/2010 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
it will be beautiful. jamie. many healing prayers.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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