Not sure whether I am depressed but husband thinks so...so I'm trying this out

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canada35
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I've never ever had any issues with feeling overwhelmingly sad, I am a typical A type person and I get anxious over things on a daily basis and am what most would label a "worrier". But I tend to be able to deal with things quite well. Until recently. I am now a mother of 2 children, 9 months and 4.5 years. they are wonderful children. I've recently been on maternity leave. My husband and i have decided to move away to another city to take a job there (For him) to try and make our quality of life better and to have more time for our children. We had it all planned out, but as life sometimes does, sends you a curveball. We have not been able to seel our house and the plan really hitches on that detail. It's been 2 months and I am so stressed from the continual showwing of the house and disappointments when it doesn't happen that I am starting to become angry and bitter with everyone. I am a stay at home mom so I'm sure it's taking a toll on my children. All I can think about (i'm obsessed and my thoughts cannot stray from the topic for more than 20 mionutes) is the sale of our house and how our plans need to work out otherwise we;ve given up good jobs and family and friends here for nothing. My husband leaves next week to go to his new job and I am left behind here with the children until we can sell this house. I'm feeling very upset and anxious about this as i see nothing positive and feeling overburdened for the next while with no forseeable end to this process. I am dreading being on my own and am worried about how this worry and upset is rubbing off on my children. I feel like I'm overreacting as I am really not in the worst position - there are others out there much much much worse off than me, so why am I complaining. I have just recently received a fabulous job offer in our new city so why can't that make things better? I guess I just can't see how it will all work out if we can't sell this house as i have no place to live with 2 children and 3 cats in the new city.  I am worried on how this is also affecting my relationship with my husband who is not a worrier at all. He seems frustrated and out of patience with me and I'm worried it will destroy our relationship, particularly with him leaving soon.
 
I really do feel odd complaining on here because i am so priviledged in many ways but I just can't seem to get out of this increasingly negative outlook i have on everything. But I promised my husband I would try and get some help or at least vent somehow, so here i am
 
Any comments would be appreciated as I'm new to this...

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 5/21/2010 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Canada,
Welcome to HW. No one here is a professional, so we can't really say whether or not you have depression. You would need to see a doctor or counselor to be tested.

The thing about depression is that it often doesn't make any sense -- we just feel sad even though there may be little or no reason to feel that way. If venting helps, vent away. Sometimes the best thing to do, though, is to try to focus on thinking positive thoughts (even if you don't believe them), saying positive things & staying active as much as possible. Try to keep to a routine even if you don't feel like it. Usually those things will help, though at times they will not be enough. Professional counseling and/or medication are sometimes needed to help.

You are always welcome to post here. Weekends tend to be a little slow around here, but all the members are really kind & supportive. I'm sure they will be along to welcome you soon.

blessings,
frances

wishing4happiness
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/21/2010 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
wow, sounds like me. So yes you do have a lot of things going on in your life, and with a new one in the house. Have you talked to your doctor about possible post pardum depression? I jsut had a miscarriage in October and I finally got help from the doctor. I have post pardum depression and couldn't deal with anything at all. Life seemed to be so overwhelming and I have been the strongest woman to everyone and all of a sudden I was the weakest. So perhaps you check in with your doctor on this.... cause if that is what you have, it won't just get better, it will actually get worse and you might start pushing everyone away from you, if you haven't already. This is strictly my opinion as I am not a doctor.

Another thing that may be of concern is, do you trust your husband? If he loves you, he will love you through this. His patience may wear thin, but he should be there for you.
I propose you take it one day at a time, start new everyday. Every day is a new chance to start over. If one day at a time doesn't work, try one hour and try to focus on something other than the move and jobs, etc. Focus on making great meals for the kids while you are home, teaching them things that a day care provider would be teaching them otherwise. Be glad you are home with them right now. Be glad for what you have and do not focus on what you don't have. Things are tough for most people right now and you are very luck y to have what you have. Keep that in mind.
Yes this stress will rub off on the kids, so you really need to think of your next step in improving yourself. Do you love YOU? Write down a list, not details just a bullet pointed list of the things that need to be accomplished that will make you feel better, big things and small things. Mark them off as they get accomplished. Also write down a list of things you want to get accomplished that are not of that much importance to everyday living but what you want when the needs are taken care of. Things for YOU. Remember you are as important as hubby and the kids.
These things have helped me in the past .... I am now on a real light medication for six months since I have post pardum..... You can't wish yourself well if it's out of your control... which depression usually is since its a medical condition. I wish you the absolute best and hope you get the help you need and want. :)

manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 5/21/2010 11:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Canada35,

I just want to second the advice by wishing4happiness of finding something each day to focus on besides the house. That is the very thing that has been keeping me grounded in a very trying housing situation until we can get into a new place.

The other thing is sometimes we get fixated on the ideal and NEED it to work, but life is all about learning to be flexible. Hard when you battle worry, but not impossible. It's a work in progress. So instead of imagining the worst, and/or what will happen if things don't all fall into place perfectly, start thinking of your options. You could always rent in the new city until your house sells. It wouldn't be the end of the world and that's often how people handle moves like this.

We have friends who moved across the country for her husband's new job. They were apart for about nine months until they finally got things set with buying a new house and then she and the kids followed. But they made it through and are settled in now.

I know it sucks, and can't imagine how stressful it must be to have to keep showing the house, especially with 2 little ones. You are doing well just holding up with that alone. Pat yourself on the back. And remember, this is not in your hands. But trust life/God to work things out as they are meant to be. In the end, it will all work out.
And now, make it your goal to create pockets of joy in each day as you wait for your new beginning to fully come into fruition. You can do it. wink

embers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 5/22/2010 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Canada35,

I think you have gotten some very good advice from our members here. So I don't have a whole lot to add. Just that you should take this one day at a time, and try to focus on the good things.

I would like to welcome you to HealingWell. You have come to a wonderful site and I hope that we can help you with support.

Keep posting, venting is good for the soul. And here you can do that anomously. You sound like a wonderful person, just going through a hard time right now.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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