family past issues

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/23/2010 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I have had family issues most my life and I dont seem to be able to forgive them for everything but i have got to the point now that i want to forgive to try and get myself back from the tragedy of being kicked out and disowned and stuff like that...I just need some help but i dont make enough money to pay for counselers and i just need huge advice on how to forgive and get myself back...please help me

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/23/2010 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   
My father had anger issues bad and he just angry one night when i got off work and told me to get out or id be on the streets this was like a year ago and my mom didnt stick up for me and my grandma disowned me because i wouldnt talk to them anymore after that and im just so depressed..

-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/23/2010 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey RockerChick, I'm sorry you're going through that right now. Just so you know, I am not going to just say go to free/cheap counseling, I am working myself towards being one myself and I would like to help, if you would have it. I have not dealt personally with parent problems of that nature, but I have had a sort of loss of my mother from her use of pills and alcohol. Nothing of what you went through was easy...but you yourself said your father did have anger issues at the time. It is no excuse for the actions, but at least you know why it happened...and that gives you a good chance to forgive him. Everyone makes mistakes, we all well know, and we would all appreciate the chance of forgiveness. Your mom, also, may or may not have cared as little as it seemed to you...people are influenced by others quite a lot, and the anger problems your dad was dealing with may have been a very large part of her keeping quiet.

You also might consider the reasons for the contention between you and your family. If you review everything, examine yourself, and come to the conclusion that it was really just that your father was going through an anger problem, please try to forgive them. If after you really think about it and find that maybe you had been not acting as you should, don't be angry with yourself...or feel regret and hopelessness, because that is the realization you need to make things right. Growing as a person, I think, is all about realizations. If you come to the conclusion that it may have been you, all you need to do is look forward and be what you know you should be. Hehe be happy in either occasion because you have realized the problem AND the solution all at the same time! Give yourself a chance to forgive...give them the chance of forgiveness, make things as you know they should be and feel no regret for the past, for it is exactly that, past and gone. I hope the best for you and I also that this helped to some degree. Please keep posting if you'd like, and I will keep replying :)


Chrsitian

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/24/2010 9:42:36 AM (GMT-6)


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/23/2010 10:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi RockerChick

I can understand a lot of what you are going through, similar stuff - different family. I know the hurt you are feeling at being kicked out and your mother not standing up for you, and unfortunately that will probably stay with you for a long long time. I don't know how old you are, but you only sound young, I'm guessing late teens - early 20's? It sounds like you have a job and you have managed your life since being kicked out, so to that I say congrats and good on you.

Is it possible you can call in on them unexpectedly one day? I know that would take a lot of courage but at least that way you would be able to see what their reaction would be to you. If you don't feel you can call in then how about phoning? Just keep things light and pleasant and if there is any unpleasantness then you can always hang up, what do you think?

You know as you get older you kind of push it to the back of your mind, in other words you forgive but never forget. I reckon your father is probably trying to justify his actions to himself and to your mother but it is probably going to have to be you who has to make the first move.

Just think about what I have said for a little while and please let us know how things are going with you, because we care and want to help you as much as we can.
Harrington49


Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/23/2010 10:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I just feel like my mom stabbed me i the back but i just recently turned 19 and being a natural daddys girl it hurt like no other I'd never had a real good realtionship with my mom ever because my moms side of the family has always been full of drama...my grandmother and grandfather divorced when my mom and my uncle were in their kids years and my grandparents always had a hatred towards each other.

There has always been drama if you talked to one or the other like if i talked to my grandmother my grandfather would get mad and vica versa but it got even worse when my uncle got divorced maybe 4 or 5 years ago and then we defenitly could have a realitionship with our grandfather (me and my younger brother) it hurt us alot through our childhood that our mom kept us away from seeing him like if he sent something we would never get it...and that was really tough to get yelled at or looked down upon for wanting a realtionship with our grandfather i mean on my dads side our grandfather died in 2001 so we were just trying to you know have one that kinda was like him.

But since i got kicked out my mom and her mom (my grandmother) has been starting drama where i work and where i work is a grocery store and they would just come in to harass me and crap about not talking to them or my father....and i got sick of it because they would call for my hours just to do this and i changed my number too becauase they would call me and even my own grandmother came into work to tell me i was fat...and i was all like ok because i couldnt be mean at work and they know that so that why they do it and now everytime my dad gets sick they blame me for not talk to him (my mother and grandmother)...and thats bull so like my dad hasnt really started anything since so i think thats why i always was a daddys girl becuase all my moms side was was drama .....

but this has alll changed me for the worst i feel because i used to be this sweet nice and friendly to everyone girl and now im kinda like a in your face girl and a ***** because i feel like i have to be on my toes so that doesnt happen again...so i just want my old me back and cant afford conseling at all with all the bills i pay on my own....so im just looking for help to find me


p.s. sorry so long and thanks for caring it means alot guys :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/24/2010 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi rockerchic2009,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, but it sounds like you have gotten some very good advice from the members. I hope that it helps you to put the past behind you. Though I am so sorry that your family is causing all that drama at work. That is total immaturity on their part. They should have respect for you and not bother you at work. Please don't let this jeopardize your job.

It sounds like they are unhappy that you cut ties. But sometimes we just have to do what is right for us. I had to stay away from my mother because all of her drama started causing me health problems.

There is an online (totally free) site that might be able to help you. I will post it for you. It might be worth checking it out. There is also a book called 'the new mood therapy' that is really good. You might want to get that. It is mostly about cbt. Cognitive behavioral therapy. It teaches us ways to deal with people and different ways of viewing things.

I hope that you are feeling better today. I will put that link on the end of this post. I am on quick reply and if I edit my post and do it the other way, it will show up blue and all you have to do is click on it.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen

http://www.moodgym


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/24/2010 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I would have to agree with getting by about the necessity to cut ties sometimes, it is not always preferable, but sometimes its the right thing to do at the time. It is also just as possible to forgive someone as it is to forgive them AND create a distance for your own well being . You just have to draw that line for yourself, you give them a chance, and another, and another maybe, but eventually you have to make the choice of whether it would be better for you to just back off from them for a time. I hope that you find a way to communicate with them, and that it doesn't have to come to that, but it is still alright if it does. Time heals many wounds they say, and I add that time also reveals many personal wrongs...gives you a clearer picture of what you were actually doing. I'd hope that with time your grandmother, or whoever it is that is troubling you, will realize their own wrongdoing and be good enough to admit it. May God give you strength to sort these things out, and know that we are here for you, any questions or problems you have, I will (at least vainly) do my best to help with.


Christian

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/24/2010 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Well i dont know like i guess i forgave them but i dont think that means i have to talk to them do i? i mean when i do talk to them they just blame everything on me...so i kinda want to avoid that for awhile but since its my family it can change me or any person by that matter and do you any of you guys think that i can heal and get myself back...?? If im really commited

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/24/2010 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Sure you can heal. And you can move on. Whether they are there or not. You just have to believe in yourself. You might do better if they are not around. I did. My life was totally different when I wasn't around my family. So I can understand that. Commit to yourself. Think of what it is that you want and just do it. It is that easy. You have to think of yourself first, and you wont be being selfish if you do. You will be being practical.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/24/2010 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
So do you think it is best to leave them alone for awhile so maybe this healing process can start and maybe finish.....?
I do believe in myself but im afraid i dont enough and i went to that site you gave me and i am committed to it to see if it any of it helps me which i think it will do you?

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/24/2010 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
because im struggling real hard for money even tho iwould love to go to counselor and i feel i have to to get as better as i want to be. i just hope this site can help me enough to where i dont need anything else to heal because i alreay went through just a little of it and already feel a little bit more like myself... :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/24/2010 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it can help you. And I think that you can help yourself. Give yourself permission to get on with your life. And try staying away from your family for a while and see what happens. I did, and instantly got stronger. I think you will too. And you will be the person that you want to be.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/24/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi RockerChick

Karen is so right, of course you can heal. I think staying away from your family for a while is probably the best thing for now. Similar to Karen, I had a lot of stuff happening with my mother and sisters so I put some distance between us too and it certainly helped me.

Their behaviour is wrong, going into your workplace and making a scene and calling you names makes me angry.

I am glad that you have gone onto the Moodygym site and that it is helping you a little, that is good.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going.
Harrington49


Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/25/2010 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Tomorrow is my day off work and i am going to look into a facilaty of counseling and mental help center in my town and find some info on it and see it i can maybe see them too so i can get more help and i will post again tomorrow and let you all know how it goes and if i can go to the coounselors but just letting you guys know that the site that karen gave me is really helping me i feel myself improving everyday i take the daily exercises and i know i can make it i have more confidence in myself.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/25/2010 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

It is so great to hear that the site is helping you. This really makes my day worth it. Thank you Rockerchick2009. You don't know how good this makes me feel.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/25/2010 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
is it normal not to have always good days during the healing process?

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/26/2010 12:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rockerchick

Yes that is pretty normal, sometimes you feel like you are going one forward and two back. But you will pick up, especially if you can get the counselling and keep doing the exercises from the site.

Good luck, I look forward to reading how you are going.
Harrington49


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/26/2010 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again Rockerchick, I just read through all the newest posts and I am glad to hear you are feeling better bit by bit. I hope the counseling works out and it can give you the rest of the answers you are seeking. All the advice from harrington and getting by is great and I don't really see the need to repeat what they've already said, hehe. Glad you are making headway :)


Christian

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/26/2010 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Well i called the place and next week ill be getting in for appointments and it didnt cost as much as i thought it would it will only be like 50 dollars so im kinda happy that im getting by that cheep and when i do not always have the best days i just write in the dairy i keep which the site recommened for me so im doing that and that helps me get through that so right now everything is doing ok and i will continue to keep you guys posted.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/26/2010 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so excited for you. I know that you will be feeling even better soon. They will probably set you up with some counseling and then see if you need medication. But with the site helping you, counseling might be all that you need. Just some direction. You are doing good. Thanks for posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/26/2010 11:27 PM (GMT -7)   
well next week I will be getting appointments set up with some counselors and im so excited i called them today.... yay :)

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/27/2010 1:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rockerchic

That's fantastic, you sound like a different young lady to the one we first answered on this site. Good on you, good luck with the counselling, you will feel much better. Let us know.
Harrington49


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/27/2010 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
*hugs* :-) Just know you are never alone, never without options, and never without a caring ear, I hope your appointment goes wonderfully and you can take a relieving deep breath for the first time in a while. I wish you only good fortune and let us know how the appointment went, I myself am going to finally see a therapist today as well, a veeeeeeeeeeery big step for me, so I know how it is :).



Christian

Rockerchick2009
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 5/30/2010 10:09 PM (GMT -7)   
so karen do you have any other online things that will help me i just officially finished the moodgym. And it helped alot but I just wanted to know if you have any other great sites to refer me to. :-)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 5/31/2010 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
There was one other one that might be working now.  It was off for a while.
 
 
I hope that this helps.\
 
Hugs, karen

www.livinglifetothefull.com

 


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 5/31/2010 8:03:00 AM (GMT-6)

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, December 08, 2016 9:09 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,676 posts in 301,233 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151347 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Marie34.
347 Guest(s), 16 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
sheepguy, Bololidat, BnotAfraid, Chanymom, mikeb2308, Mouche, Serenity Now, Loutucky, Tudpock18, iho, Healing98, Sallyyy, joavila92, houseboy, Mustard Seed, YiyiBoo


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer