please read. this is all im thinking about

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lookingforanswers1
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/24/2010 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
so i have an amazing best friend, he has been a friend of mine for years and we have always been purely friends. he dated 2 of my good friends for about a year or two each. and i have dated one of his close friends for about 4 years. we regurly talk and spend time the two of us.
its a great relationship because we both care alot for each other and both have an overwhelming amount of respect for each other.
we are able to sleep in the same bed together and have no contact with each other at all. he is 21, i am 20
 
but, the weekend just gone we went and stayed away for 2 nights with a group of friends, because of the accomodation, we shared a bed, which is normally not a problem. although this weekend we did share the bed both night but on both nights we found ourselves wanting to be very close and cuddly with each other, we did not have sex or even kiss but were extremely close. i think he enjoyed it alot and so did i. and i think he may of felt the same way, that if one of us had of made the first move we both would of been happy for it to go further. but neither of us did.
 
so im stuck in a situation where i just cant help but think what do i do now?
we both arrived home monday morning and both our parents have asked if we are seeing each other which they have never asked.
i really enjoyed his company and did not at all find it awkward to go from such a great friendship to something more..
 
but! i dont want to wreck the near perfect friendship we have but i am also finding it really hard to ignore my feelings.
im not really wanting to talk to him about this incase he is seeing it a totally different way then me..
help?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lookingforanswers1,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression Forum. You will find that this is really a wonderful depression forum. You didn't mention if you were depressed or not. I am assuming that you are, or else you wouldn't be posting here.

It is hard to give relationship advice on here. But I understand where you are coming from. Getting into a relationship can be hard on a friendship. If you break up, you will most likely lose him as a friend. Though my husband and I were friends for years before we hooked up. So this is something that you will have to take one day at a time and see what happens. I would talk to him. That is the best way, keep the lines of communication open.

I wish you all the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi lookingforanswers, and welcome to the site. With this specific issue I both have experience with exactly the same problem, but also I sorrowfully do not have as definitive an answer for you as I would like to. I was in a very very similar situation, I am a hopeless romantic though so I was fairly gung ho about being together. I personally believe that a very good friendship can turn into a more serious relationship, and if conditions are right (up to you at the time to figure) it can work out very well, increase the level of closeness and happiness :) It unfortunately also has the chance to go sour, and that will usually kill two birds with one stone and ruin the friendship as well. In my piteous situation I went for it, we were very happy for a time, but the fly in the ointment was a former "friend" of mine who was undermining the situation. It was hard and is still, but because I do believe I did indeed love her...I did as she was asking and we went our seperate ways to "preserve the friendship" with someone who I now know is no friend at all. I still talk to the girl from time to time, are still friends basically, but that extreme closeness turned to normal friendship kinda sticks with me. So I guess my advise would be to look closely at the situation, possibly even talk to him about your concerns, maybe he is having some of the same and you two will be able to help alleviate each others concerns. There is a chance that something great can come of it, and that is not to be put on the back burner to caution...in my opinion (hopelesssss romantic). I hope that you find the right path for the both of you and I wish you good luck in it. Keep us posted if you want about how things are progressing if more advise is needed.


Christian

lookingforanswers1
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the advice..
so im not sure how good of an idea it would be to talk to him about this yet but im almost positive he feels the same way. the last few relationships/dates/flings ive experienced were great but almost made me feel like i am a bit relationship cursed as i really found it hard to be genuinly interested in them all. where as this guy understands me soo much, we get along so well. i could sit with him and talk for days on end yet i could sit with him in absolute silence and say nothing at all. i knwo he has alot of respect for me so would not of been so close with me just to try to get in my pants. so the only other reason would be because he had feelings for me right? i already knew he was a great guy but just doing small things like, i said i was cold and he came closer to me and cuddled me more and made sure i had enough of the blanket even though he was already nearly asleep. it makes me even more attracted to him when he can treat me sooo well yet keep me soo interested. this sounds horrible but it normally repels me when they r too nice.
but as you said i would never want this friendship to be lost or even damaged for something that really wasnt necessary. we might have something great for a few weeks, months or years but i know this friendship would last forever.
id like to think that u only get one chance so go for it and if it doesnt work then it doesnt work. its better then never knowing.

the other thing im a bit concerned about is i wouldnt want to be treading on my friends feet who have had serious relationships with him, and he wouldnt want to do the same with my ex either.. they have all moved on but i somehow find it a bit awkward still.. am i being silly?
i am trying really hard to think logically and long term about this so that i dont cause my self hur tin the long run but i really find it hard to not enjoy him holding me..

its such a hard call, none of us r psychics i know but i guess im trying to consider all the different circumstances before i decide wether to go for it or not..

thankyou beautiful people

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 5/24/2010 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
At this point, I suggest that you take this one day at a time and see where it leads. Especially if you aren't confident about discussing it with him. If it is meant to be it will. I always figure that there is a reason for everything. Like I say, my husband and I were good friends for years before we got together. And we still are good friends. That is what is so nice about the marriage. I can talk to him about anything. I feel very fortunate.

I think the best thing will work out. Don't worry about stepping on other women's toes. This is between you and him.

Best wishes,

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/25/2010 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lookingforanswers

I reckon it sounds to me like you two are in love with each other and have been avoiding the subject to test one another. I think it is wonderful that you have become best friends and he respects you in every way it seems, so what's stopping you? Like you said, you'll never know if you don't go for it, I bet you he feels the same way.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you. Let us know.
Harrington49

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