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jwarren
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/24/2010 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a 53 year old male, single. I have been suffering from depression most of my adult life. It was not diagnosed till 2006. My problem is, I am not getting better. I am still not interested in anything, I am still lazy, I still cannot keep a job, etc etc. When I think about it, what is the point? Why bother to dream of a better life when I keep failing to take the necessary steps?
I am about 30 lbs over weight. This makes me feel bad about myself and destroys my confidence with women. So I decided I would start eating right and begin working out. This lasted one day! I do not see why my pattern will change. So, it might be easier just to give up rather than be depressed, lonely, broke, fat, etc. I am not quite there yet, but it does make more sense over time.
How to get out of the rut?

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 5/24/2010 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi jwarren

You have found a good site here, the members are very welcoming and offer great advice.

I think you started on the right track and abruptly got off, go back to the gym, keep working out, keep eating better, it will take a little while and it will be hard, but you will start to notice the difference in your clothes. Not to mention that I know of at least three couples who met at the gym, so you never know your luck there.

By feeling better about yourself, you will be able to hold a job. It is amazing how it will open new doors for you, doors that you never expected to open. It's no good giving up on yourself at 53, you are still a young man.

Think about the gym, or maybe going back to something that you used to do?

I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you're going.
Harrington49


jwarren
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/24/2010 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the response but you miss the point. I keep failing! And after decades of failure,
its becoming easier to give up! Why keep trying?
As time goes on I become less and less emotionally attached to EVERYTHING. It used to be that the thought of suicide would make me 'feel' and I would have an emotional response. But now, the thought has no affect. And, just about everything in life has no emotional impact (except my own feelings of guilt).

Does anyone out there have a suggestion other than, 'hang in there and don't give up.'? That's not enough.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Have you tried Wellbutrin? It's an anti-depressant, but a lot of people lose weight while they are on it.

Other than that, all I can suggest is to just keep saying positive things. There is neurolinguistic research out there that shows that we tend to believe things we say aloud on a regular basis -- even if we don't believe them when we first start saying them (for example, if I hate my job but make a point to say "My job is enjoyable & I like getting up to go to work every day", after several weeks I will start to believe what I have been saying aloud).

I don't really know what else to suggest. Yes, depression sucks. Yes, watching your life get worse & worse & worse and feeling like you are entirely a lost cause and a drain on society is awful. I've been there. I was sure it would never get better. I even tried to end my life -- a couple times. But life has gotten better. No, it's not all sunshine & puppy dogs. There are still some rough things, but I've rebuilt friendships, gotten way healthier, picked up my crazy messy home, started going to work on a regular basis ... things have gotten better. And I can hardly believe it because it seems the main thing I did was just hang on. So I guess that's why people say that. Because sometimes the storm is so rough that you just can't make any progress. the only thing you CAN do is fight for your life. But storms don't last forever. Sometimes they last many years -- sometimes 8 years, like in my case ... sometimes longer or shorter.

I wish I could tell you that nothing will get worse than it is right now, but I don't know that. All I know is that eventually, if you keep fighting, the depression will improve & life will be enjoyable again.

In the meantime, you can always hang out here at HW. There are a lot of great people who know what depression is like & who've been fighting that battle for varying lengths of time. I know they've been really helpful to me. I hope you will find some of what you're looking for here as well.

prayers & blessings,
frances

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 5/24/2010 11:57 PM (GMT -7)   
for me it started with baby steps, then moderately bigger ones. you yourself know what can and can't be pushed. we, being depressed have our limitations, we also can still be productive. i walk, read and visit my friends. yeah, i have good and bad days, but i know if i do not push myself a bit i will just want to be in bed all day!!! so, on a good day do something you enjoy. from this i receive more purposeful energy, i get to de-frog my brain. i have a lot of medical limitations, albeit i try not to suffer with, instead i manage them. sending healings your way. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 5/25/2010 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
jwarren,

I must say that you only tried exercise and diet for one day. Maybe you started to do too much and didn't like it. You have to start slowly, do a little here and there. Eventually it does make you feel better. Start slow. Make small changes. Maybe exercise for a few minutes and then move on to something else. Try walking. It surely helps me. I just go around the block, but for me that is a milestone. You can't give up. Keep trying. But go slow.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


jwarren
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/25/2010 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the replies;
I do not have health insurance and the cost of drugs is prohibitive. Also, I am in severe debt. I do not know how to dig myself out with no job. So, between being 52 years old, out of shape and in severe debt and cannot find nor keep a job, my mind takes me to alternatives.
Karen, I've tried exercising for more than one day. My point is that all of my life I have been out of shape and have never been able to sustain a reasonable work out schedule. At most, it lasts two weeks. This adds to my defeatism; I cannot hold a job; I cannot control my spending; I am getting older, I am getting fatter, I am getting lonelier, etc
I have not given up. What scares me is that suicide becomes more and more of an option. And emotionally I am numb to the idea.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 5/25/2010 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
why keep trying? because you deserve to be happy. you have to make your own happiness and the only way to do t hat is start to do things that can make you happy. if you think losing weight would make you happy then do it. you are loved you just dont realize it yet. in order for someone to love you you have to love yourself. i know how  you are feeling trust me i do.  if i let everything i have been though get me down i would not be here today. i will explain some.
 
my mom was a drug addict and alcoholic who chose her addictions over us. dont get me wrong, she loved us and made sure no harm came to us, but she also stole from us, and put us through hell. all my uncles were alcoholics and drug addicts also. in the last 5 years i have lost all but 2 uncles( and one i have no contact with cause of his alcohol addiction and the fact he tried to kill my mom) and one sister. i have alot of cousins but they are all in trouble with the law or just dont care. i have had one cousing on the news twice, once for hosatage holding and one for a high speed chase. i watched my grandma, who raised me, die from heartache. she had diabetes and died of a heart attack but i think it was a broken heart. a week shy of a year later my grandpa died. this past november, three days before thanksgiving, i watched my mom die a horrendous death thanks to liver disease.
 
plus the fact i dont have many friends and i get lonely sometimes i bounce back from all my problems and still keep a smile to my face. if i can overcome that then i am sure with our help you can feel valuable. i know it is hard and im sorry to be so blunt but you really need counseling and then look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you love yourself. come hun you can do it. you are a very special person and im sure there is someone out there that will love you but you have to love yourself first.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


jwarren
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/25/2010 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Worriedgirl, you hit the nail on the head; I do not like myself! That is hard to fix. But I will keep trying.
I am sorry about your story. This is another thing I feel guilty about. My life has been so easy, with so many things going my way and yet I still managed to be unhappy. I see people like you and cannot imagine what you have gone through. I know I would not have been strong enough to survive like you. My hat is off to your strength. Though I can admire your strength, that does not make me strong. I still loathe myself for not achieving more; for wasting my life.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 5/25/2010 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure where you live, but most places (including some rural communities) offer either free or sliding scale mental health services. A lot of doctors have free samples of medications. I got 90 days worth of Wellbutrin for free (unfortunately it caused me problems -- one of which was that I was already underweight & I became dangerously skinny while on Wellbutrin). After that, my psych told me where I could get a coupon on the internet to get it pretty cheap. But once you start feeling better you might be able to pick up a little work to cover the cost.
Another possible source of funds is non-profit organizations or religious organizations. YMCA, Salvation Army & many churches and temples often have discretionary funds that they use to help people who can't afford medical care or medications. Typically the help can last from a one-time thing to up to 6 months. Sometimes the religious organizations will want to talk to you for 15-20 minutes about their services & programs (and sometimes about their faith), but they are almost always respectful of people with other beliefs.

take care,
frances

PS -- Your life is not over. It is never too late to turn things around & accomplish some very meaningful things. My grandma just started getting treatment for her depression which she had for as long as I can remember (at least 25 years) in her late eighties. She has started really turning things around & is taking the time to connect with family & old friends and to volunteer at the local Goodwill store to help out the less fortunate. Sometimes she says she feels like it's too late, but I guarantee you that her family & friends don't feel that way.
For me, part of the key was getting my mind off myself. When I have too much time to myself I become incredibly negative. Even in my last job the work was so mindless that I would get in trouble thinking horrible, destructive thoughts while making copies for hours on end. I started off learning how to knit at home & brought projects to the local hospital for cancer patients. Then as I felt stronger I went once a week to volunteer at the food pantry (& also to get some food for myself). Each time I took something else on that forced me to focus on something other than my own miserable condition, I found I felt better & had more energy. Now I am able to do more & am working full time on top of the volunteer work. :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 5/25/2010 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Frances,

I was so happy to read about your volunteering and knitting for the cancer patients. Good job my friend. It always makes me feel good to give too. There is nothing like that feeling.

I hope that things are going better for you. I know that you were having a horrible time for a while. I think of you often and am always happy when I see that you have posted. Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 5/25/2010 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
and hugs from me as well frances. hoping things are better. with compassion, jamie.
 
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 5/27/2010 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
you need to focus on what you have acheived rather than what you havent achieved. im sure you have accomplished something in your life you just need to think. look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself, i love me i love myself, i am a good person, i am special. after a while you will believe yourself and will feel better. you are stronger than you think and i know it. i survived because i had to. i survived because i knew that i needed to. i had my sister to look after and my grandma was sick and i had to take care of her. my grandmas love helped me and made me strong so i am offering my love to you. let my love surround you and make you feel better and stronger. let my love make you love yourself.
 
jwarren said...
Worriedgirl, you hit the nail on the head; I do not like myself! That is hard to fix. But I will keep trying.
I am sorry about your story. This is another thing I feel guilty about. My life has been so easy, with so many things going my way and yet I still managed to be unhappy. I see people like you and cannot imagine what you have gone through. I know I would not have been strong enough to survive like you. My hat is off to your strength. Though I can admire your strength, that does not make me strong. I still loathe myself for not achieving more; for wasting my life.

The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 5/27/2010 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
It takes a lot of time and work to learn to love ourselves. But it isn't impossible. I think if you focused on yourself less that it would help you along. Sometimes we get engrossed with who we are instead of living our lives as who we are. Learn that you are you. A unique individual. And that you are a good person.

It sounds like you are coming along and that is what we are all about. Assisting you as you grow emotionally. And we all support.

Keep trying, never give up. And keep posting as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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