Hello. This is my first time here and this could be lengthy so please bear with me.
My son has been seeing a girl from his high school for about 7 months. He just turned 18 & graduated high school and she just turned 15. We really didn't think anything of the age difference at first.
Everything was fine until a couple of months ago when her mother decided she could no longer see him because he was too old (17 at the time) and he couldn't go to the Prom with her, (She already had her dress in layaway). The kids were both depressed about this, after all this was his senior prom that he missed. Her mother really liked our son and wasn't a problem months ago.
This woman has 4 kids with at least 3 different fathers. Her daughter being 15 and the other kids are around 5 yrs old and younger. She is IMPOSSIBLE! We believe she is trying to control her daughter so she has someone to clean her house and take care of the younger kids while she goes out and drinks and possibly does drugs. She has admitted to her daughter that she has a problem and needs to be in detox.
She has called the police on my son at least once (when he was still 17) and saying she wants him out of her daughter's life and if he comes near her she will have him arrested because he will be (and now is) 18..an adult.
He is a good kid, doesn't smoke and has no desire to drink or do drugs. We truely believe this. He has a possible future with a local college and they've offered him scholarships.
His real problem is his anger management. He can reach a point of total anger where he wants to hit the walls etc although he keeps it under control pretty well considering.
One thing to point out is he says the are not sexual active...he realizes the danger/possiblity of going to jail for this because of his age.
They do see each other occassionally due to activities for school etc but not like it was before her mother butted in. They secretly talk and text & facebook etc.
They have also recently been argueing as typical teenagers do, saying she lied about this or he lied about that...mostly thinking they each like someone else.
Last night my son said he was going for a walk. I went to bed and this morning had a missed call and text from her mother. The call said that my son was depressed and wanted to kill himself and that I should find him and help him etc. The text said "I hope you know that my daughter is not allowed to be in your house after curfew with an adult!!!"
My son rarely shows signs of this type of depression as he has so much going for him involving college/sport that he loves and means the world to him. I do believe in my mind that he was probably meeting up with her to discuss/argue whatever problems they've been fighting about. I usually let him work out his own issues first then talk if he needs it.
He is pretty good about telling me what's been going on.
First of all I think this woman needs to worry about her own problems,,,detox etc before she butts in on my son's needs. After all, if it weren't for her butting in in the first place they may have been fine.
Secondly, I have already told her daughter we cannot take any chances on her being at our home for my son's sake and future. We love her dearly but must think of his future.
She was NOT at our home last night!
There were a few occassions when her daughter showed up at our home crying because she ran away from home...her mother has hit & kicked her on several occassions. The police have already been called to their home..someone also called child services (not us although if I am witness to it I will call also).
This girl's grandmother has let her come over our house when her own daughter was away from home. She likes my son. Her grandmother is younger than I am (about 51). They both married very young and had their kids young.
I believe this woman has a serious problem. However she can make serious problems for my son and his future as well as us.
We have lived in this community over 23 years and are law abiding citizens with no drugs or alcohol. She's moved from town to town and been here about 3 years.
How do we handle this issue? How can we tell our son that he should probably stay away from this girl without him getting too depressed or angry with us?