Am I depressed?

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fischsemmel
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/8/2010 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I figure you are probably used to seeing subject headings like this, but this probably isn't the kind of post you're used to seeing under them.
 
I'm a law student. I'm happily married. I have a several good friends that I enjoy spending time with and see regularly. I see my family regularly, and enjoy seeing them. I do not hate my life. I do not have stressful relationships with people. I'm not swamped with schoolwork. I'm physically healthy, I have a relatively healthy diet. I'm always happy with my life overall, and I would even say that the vast majority of the time I'm even better than "happy."
 
But sometimes I am miserable. Oh, so miserable. It's connected to going to school. I've got about 30 minutes until I need to head to class, and when I think about that fact... I get a knot in my chest, I get sick to my stomach, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself (a feeling that I am quite familiar with as an extreme, though healthy, introvert).
 
I've felt this way with regular jobs I've had in the past. I would lay down at night to fall asleep and be up for hours, nearly at the point of tears, at the thought of having to spend 8 hours the next day at work.
 
I don't hate lawschool though. I'm not particularly fond of it, but I've never been particularly fond of any work or education I've ever had in my life... they're just something I've had to do, ya know? School is easy for me. I put in a fraction of the time and effort that most people do to end up with the same kind of grades. And I don't feel this dread (and I mean DREAD... not just "Oh, I really wish I were doing something else." or "Gee, I wish I didn't have to go to school today." DREAD.) if I'm just taking 1 or 2 classes a semester, usually. But if I try to take a classload that I should probably be taking... 3, 4, 5 classes... I'm miserable.
 
Once earlier this semester I drove to school, an 85-mile trip, walked into the building... was literally standing at the door to my classroom looking into it...... and I turned around and left, then spent the rest of the day hiding from my wife so she wouldn't know I skipped. When I was standing there, I KNEW I should go in. I knew I could get dropped from my class for absences. I knew I owed it to my wife to work hard at school just like she works hard at her job, so that I can end up with a good job to support our family down the road. But I just couldn't do it. This dread is crushing and overwhelming... in the face of all reason I couldn't fight it. And when I turned away from the classroom and towards my car, I sighed in relief, even though I knew I would feel just as terrible later when I had to tell my wife about it (eventually).
 
 
 
Am I depressed? Is there some type of depression that is triggered by a situation/event/thought, which leaves just as quickly as it comes when I turn away from the trigger and to things I enjoy in life?
 
Or am I just pathetic? Am I just a wimp who needs to buckle down and go do what everyone else does every day, work? I refuse to believe that everyone else who "hates" their job feels as terrible as I do when they go to work everyday... but could that be the case?
 
Or is there something else wrong?
 
 
 
I really have no idea sad

Post Edited (fischsemmel) : 6/8/2010 10:14:09 AM (GMT-6)


neverbetter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 6/8/2010 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
It sounds to me like you have a bit of social anxiety going on.  That anxiety can cause negative thoughts, and those negative thoughts can turn into a form of depression. 
 
Have you ever considered going to a therapist?  It might help, and all it might take is a little therapy to clear up this anxiety.  It could even be a really short treatment- depending on bad your anxiety is.
 
I'm sorry I can't help you more.. I'm sure you'll get some more replies to this.  Just know that you can always come here and type out how you're feeling, which can also help relieve your anxiety.  Chances are, someone on here has been through the same thing. :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 6/8/2010 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
If it isn't social anxiety, it could be anticapatory anxiety. I know I probably spelled that wrong. But as neverbetter said, this can lead to situational depression. Or clinical if it continues.

Can you talk to a school counselor? Maybe you need to take a different path. Maybe there is something that you love more than what you are studying... I would talk to a professional about this and see what is really troubling you. You sound like a very intelligent person and I think you have great potential. But there seems to be some underlying reason causing your anxiety and I think the sooner that you figure it out, the easier it will be to remedy.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I hope that you are able to find the root to the problem here so that you can continue to move forward.

Hugs, Karen

PS... Welcome to the forum!!!
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/8/2010 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fischsemmel

I can relate to the episode you had when you got to the door and couldn't go in, only it was a little different for me. I had a job that I loved but I had to commute 2 hours door to door to get there. I hated the "getting there" and when I'd get to the train station sometimes I just couldn't get on that train as I hated the commute so much. But most days I did it because I had to.

Maybe you have anxiety, maybe it's depression but I would take the advice of the others and seek some counselling, you probably just need to speak to somebody and vent it. I would do it sooner rather than later as well, because you don't want it to start affecting your whole life because if you let it, it will.

I hope whatever you decide to do, it works for you. Keep posting and let us know.
Harrington49


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18763
   Posted 6/9/2010 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   
sounds like G.A.D. (GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER). i too have suffered with similar experiences.  have a chat with your doc, there are good treatments available nowadays. keep well. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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