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vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/10/2010 12:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm a 25 year old female and I have a pretty good life outwardly but I am suffering all alone inside. My family doesn't know about my depression and anxiety...and I am not going to tell them. When I was in my late teens, I was a hypochondriac and my parents put me down so much because of it, acting like it was all in my head. I don't trust them and will never tell them my problems again and plus they have enough issues of their own to deal with which I am not going to get into now. I have really bad insomnia (especially right now being almost 4 am) but still manage to get up early every morning for work. While there, I do a halfway job because I can hardly focus on my work. I then come home and usually just go to sleep or mindlessly watch tv. If I take a nap it's usually 3 hours at a time which causes me to stay up at night even later. I do not have friends anymore due to my social anxiety and all my coworkers are family members. I used to be able to cry but now I can't even do that. I'm coasting through life and I hate it so much. It's an ongoing battle in my head and I can't turn it off. I am always in fear that something bad is about to happen and can't seem to find the point in life if we all just die in the end. I used to be religious but all it did was make me feel even more scared and depressed. I prayed for many years that god would take away my depression so I wouldn't have to rely on medicine but he didn't do it and now I feel like the only reason I ever was a christian in the first place was out of fear of going to hell(if there really is one) but the way I see it, I'm already in hell... at least in my mind. I don't know what else do to. I can't keep going on living like this. Someone please help me and please do not suggest I see a counselor because I have no money and the nearest one is 40 miles away and my car can barely make it to work which is only 10 min from my house.
I'm a lost cause...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/10/2010 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi V-dog,

Welcome to the depression forum. There is an online depression site that I will post for you. It might help, since you can't make it to counseling.

I know that things are difficult for you right now, but we all understand what you are going through. Sleeping but not getting rest. Not wanting to socialize. This is all symptoms of depression. And we have all been through this. It does sound like you have some social anxiety too. But this can be over come.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

http://moodgym.com/

Try this site out and see if it helps you any.  I hope that it does. 

 

Take care my friend.  Know that you are a part of our little family now.  So you have support.

 

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/11/2010 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I tried that site and it doesn't help much. It has a lot of reading and I can't concentrate enough to do too much of that. I think at this point I just need to accept that this is how I'll feel the rest of my life and i'm sure it will only get worse with age. The light at the end of the tunnel is just about gone now.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/11/2010 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
vdogg,

You can't look at things that way. Try to be more optimistic about life. It can be good. Often we have to change our environment, or our way of thinking. The reading could do you good to get your mind off of your troubles.

Please keep trying. Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 6/13/2010 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
here 4 you too, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I forgot about this thread. This is what I mean about being invisible. When nothing is posted, it gets booted to another page and then i have to explain myself over again if I happen to start another one. If not, my thoughts are just left floating in cyber space with no followup. oh well.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
it is not deliberate vdogg. sorry, i have heaps going on, i try like heck to read and post as much as possible. my e-mail is open to you if you would like to chat. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

Jamie answered your post on the 13th. If you don't reply back, it is going to float to another page. This is what I mean about you having to try too. You have to do the work. You not posting is why it dropped down to another page. I don't think you understand that you have to do the work. If you don't, you aren't going to get any better. We have all been through what you are going through. So please listen to the advice that you are being given.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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