Lonelier than ever

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vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/14/2010 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been off facebook for over a week now and as socially unacceptable as it may sound, it was my main source of communication to the outside world. I don't hang out with people or talk on the phone or even text like normal people do. I've been like this for most of my life up until college when I actually made friends for once. But it's been 5 years since I left school and I haven't seen any of those so called friends since which leads me to believe they weren't my real friends to begin with, even though at the time I honestly thought they were. So now it's come down to catching up through facebook even though they only respond half of the time. That's one reason why I had to just get away from that site, not to mention the fact that reading about everyone's "wonderful" lives made me even more depressed. After being away from it even for a little while, i'm still depressed obviously but now i'm even lonelier than ever. Now I don't talk to anyone at all even though I'm usually the one who has to start conversations anyway. If I didn't have family, I'd be completely invisible which is worse than death. The only problem is that no one in my family knows about my depression and I would never in a million years tell them. I wish I could just be normal and have friends. My shyness as a child has pretty much ruined my life and now as an adult it has turned into social anxiety and keeping me from having normal relationships.

harleybluz
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 6/14/2010 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey sweetie...been there. Actually, I'm still there. Can't you go to a councelor or doctor without your family knowing? They even have free clinics in most places if you can't afford the Dr's. No one should have to feel like this. It's miserable and if there's any help out there for you at all, wouldn't it be worth the risk that "maybe" your family "might" find out that you went to the Dr? If you think about it, people like you and me don't open up to people to begin with and we're masters at hiding things, like major depression so I think you can probably pull this off. I wish I could be there to bring you and help you through it. Feeling alone is not a good thing when you have depression. Please see someone about this.

This is no Social Crisis... Just another Tricky Day (The Who)

 


veluxia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 6/14/2010 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with harleybluz whole-heartedly.

You shouldn't be alone. All of us here at HW are here for you, if you ever need to talk. Just remember that. We have amazing people here.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/14/2010 1:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

Chat day is tomorrow for us in depression. It is scheduled from 8-10 pm eastern time, but we decided to make the whole day chat day. I hope that you join us. If you want to, you can post that you are going to be in the chatroom and wait for somebody to come in. It is all day long, I hope that you come.

I am sorry that you are feeling so lonely. I am pretty much a hermit myself. I have very few friends, that I seldom see. I just like to be alone I guess. But I do make myself get out every now and again, and I think that you should do that too. It is healthy. Though I guess being alone is healthy for me at times. Just don't isolate yourself too much. And remember that your friends in school just got on with their own lives, I don't think it was anything personal.

Take care, have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/14/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't have enough money to see a counselor plus i doubt they can help me anyway. I've been like this for 15 years and I'm sure i'll continue being like this until i'm old... if I even make it there.
I do get out for work but that's about it unless I go shopping with the little money I do have. I really don't have anywhere else to go. Most of the time if I don't want to go home, I'll just drive around aimlessly until I barely run out of gas.
..and i don't know about this chat ordeal. Every time i log on, all anyone ever talks about is food and the weather.. and I can hear about that on tv. There's little hope for people like me. I was not made for this world.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/14/2010 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Here are some sites that might help you and they are free.
 
I hope that these help you.  I don't know if the ecouch is up and running, but I believe that mood gym is.  They have helped a lot of people. 
 
It really sounds like you need counseling and possibly medication.  You sound really down right now.  I hope that something comes along and cheers you up.  Life is short and you don't want to miss out on it being depressed.  Check with the department of human services and see if you qualify for any assistance.  They can help you with food, money and health insurance if you qualify. 
 
I hope that you feel better soon.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/14/2010 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg


It sounds to me like you need some self esteem classes, you sound to me like you don't like yourself very much, that you are maybe self conscious. I am like that myself, you know I was always the tallest and biggest kid in the class and was always and still am, a big girl. I had to deal with that and suffer the consequences of that all my life. I have three sisters who are all size 12 and take after my mother and I look and take after my father, I always thought that I should have been the boy out of the four girls, and I was made to feel like that because I think people could see I had low self esteem.

What you have to remember, and I admit I am also guilty of this, you are good person, you are attractive, sometimes being shy is a good quality, you are a much loved member of your family ....what would they do if you weren't there? There would be a giant void in their lives. Remember you are a valued member of your workplace and society too.

Just because you haven't got heaps of friends doesn't mean there is anything wrong with exept being shy. Have you tried some hobbies like sports or maybe cooking classes or the gym? You never know who you might meet there.

Remember we all care about you, we want you to feel good about yourself but you have to help yourself as well. Keep posting and let us know how you are going.


Harrington49


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/14/2010 9:02 PM (GMT -7)   
It's hard to feel good about myself when people have laughed at me for most of my life... and to top it off, everyone in my family is good looking except for me, which makes family picture time even more dreadful. I definitely need a lobotomy, or maybe just a whole new head.

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/15/2010 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg

Has anyone in your family ever said that you are not good looking? Why have people laughed at you? You know you have to like yourself more, I have been the butt of family jokes all my life and yes I suffer with low self esteem but I know deep down I am alright, I have 10 fingers, 10 toes, I can see, smell, feel, taste, walk, talk, I do have good thick hair, however I have big feet and can't get shoes to fit me in a normal shoe shop and never in my life have I been able to. I am carrying too much weight and trying to do something about it, I have had breast cancer and only now have one breast, I have rheumatoid arthritis and high blood pressure, but you know what I am alive and breathing and I thank God every day for sparing my life from breast cancer.

I love myself because if I don't, nobody else will either. I love my husband, my daughter, my son, my mother and one sister. I love my friends also, although I don't have many, I have two good friends.  i know that they all love me back, just like your family loves you.

So Vdogg, I am sure you are just like me. You can do all of the above that I can do, but you can probably walk into a shop and get shoes to fit you, yes you might be shier than me but I think that is because you don't like yourself enough for others to like you, you don't have any self confidence. I would bet anything that you are attractive, you probably have nice hair, a nice figure and a drop dead gorgeous smile (when you use it). You said yourself that you start the conversation first, well that is good - that's not being too shy, it shows that you have the ability to do that. You have to build your confidence up, START LIKING YOURSELF MORE.

You have everything going for you, forget those creatures who have laughed at you all your life. I endured that, being made fun of, it's tough but you have to rise above it. You are young, you have a college education, you have a job, you have a car, you have a family, you have somewhere to live and most of all YOU ARE ALIVE.

So Vdogg when you are getting dressed to go to work or to go out next, look in the mirror, put some makeup on and tell yourself that YOU ARE NOT TOO BAD and I LOVE MYSELF, and say that every day to yourself. Keep posting and let us know how you're getting on.


Harrington49

Post Edited (harrington49) : 6/15/2010 6:33:27 AM (GMT-6)


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/15/2010 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
My mom has called me ugly many times and I've had at least 5 guys tell me the same thing. Needless to say, I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will at the rate I'm going, Surprisingly, I have asked a few guys out before, so I've at least put myself out there.
I do have to say that even though I've been suffering with depression for many years, there was a point when I was actually doing good. It happened around 3 years ago and I gradually just started feeling good about life without ever being on meds or therapy. I think of it as going into remission as if I had cancer... but unfortunately the depression came back out of the blue about a year ago and now i'm left to suffer alone in this darkness.

e.celeste.a
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 6/15/2010 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Vdogg.. How old are you? My mom used to call me fat all the time (stupid cow) and now I'm 22, fit as hell, and I have a man who LOVES me for who I am. I never thought I'd get this far. I used to be a twisted little girl who sat on the computer and nerded it up and thought about the most EFFED up stuff... I never thought I was beautiful. People told me I wasn't. I had problems with weight and lice and sexual confusion just like any other kid! Now I'm happy with myself. Its hard but if you give yourself a chance you can be everything you want to be... I'm having trouble now coming to terms that I am a completly different individual as I was then. I don't really tell anyone about my past except in little bits but they don't really need to know the whole story anyway! Seriously... try giving yourself a chance.

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/15/2010 10:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg

That makes me really angry that your mother would tell you that you are ugly, she has no right to do that and I can assure you she will regret that one day, if not already. I am not surprised that your self esteem has taken a battering.

But you have to move on from there, put that behind you and do what I said and also what Celeste has said and GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE! Keep asking guys out, that's the way it is today, often the girls ask the guys out to dinner and in leap years they even ask them to get married.

You don't have to suffer in the darkness alone, we are all here with you, post on here when you are feeling down or if you think you can help someone else, I have found since joining this site that I have lifted myself up immensely from my depression just by writing posts to help others. Maybe it might help you too.

You have to remember that you are a good person and you have many friends on here who care about you.
Harrington49


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't care anymore. Let's face it, I was cursed from birth and there's nothing I.. or anyone else.. can do about it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/17/2010 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

You aren't cursed. You are just having a hard time and feel hopeless. I don't mean to make it sound trivial, but this is how you feel with depression.

Know that there are people here who care about you. And when we are young and our parents and others say mean things to us, we tend to live with the belief that they are true. But they are not. But hearing something for so many years, well, I am not surprised you feel the way that you do. Know that we all care about you here and hope that you continue to post so that we can help you in any way that we can. Just knowing that there are people out there who understand means a lot to a lot of us. And I hope that it makes you feel a little better knowing.

Please don't give up in this fight. We have all been there and we are living proof that things can get better. But it is hard to do alone, so as I said above, we are here for you.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sure if you knew me in person, you'd be gone like everyone else. No one likes me except my family and they pretty much are obligated to but like I said before, if it wasn't for them, i'd be invisible to the world.. and even on here, i'd be invisible unless I keep posting and i'm tired of spending every night alone hoping someone out there can help me when in reality no one really can.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/17/2010 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

Anybody on here would be invisible if they didn't post. But your attitude on life and yourself is what is holding you back. When people have a choice, they would rather be around somebody chipper than somebody who doesn't like the world or themselves. You would do the same if you had the choice, right? You honestly have to change your way of thinking. Learn to like yourself. Learn to love yourself as you should. Try to be more optimistic in your outlook on life. Life is short, it needs to be enjoyed. Get out and meet some people. Choose places where there isn't alcohol involved. Go to the library, or a coffee shop. Or even a mall. Get out and do what you enjoy. If you don't know what that is, find a way to discover it. Maybe take a class in something that interests you. We have to get exposure to be able to make friends. We have to meet people half way, they don't just drop in your lap. And friends, true friends, are few and far between. If you have one, consider yourself lucky. I have had very few real true friends in my life, many aquaintances, but not true friends.

As long as you look at your life in a negative way, it is going to be that way. The saying "life is what we make it" is so true. It is all in the way that you look at it.

Have you ever read the book "the new mood therapy"? It is so helpful. It is by a doctor Burns. It is easy to find on the internet. I think it would do you good to read it. It is also found under "feeling good".

I hope that I haven't sounded too harsh, it is just that I see a lot of negativity in you and I know that you can change that. But you have to do the work. And you really need to change the way that you look at things and respond to them in your mind.

I hope that things get better for you soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
How can I be anything but negative if I've been depressed for nearly 15 years??? This disease has robbed me of everything. I had the worst adolescence ever because of it.. no boyfriends, no friends, no proms, no dances, no movies, no vacations, no college diploma, etc. The thing is I have tried to make my adult life better.. I work to pay off my bills and debts, I help my family, I reach out to people even if they ignore me, I have read many self-help books and I have several hobbies to take my mind off of things but at the end of the day I'm screaming inside for this numbness to just go away. People on here act like medication is the only solution but there was a short time a few years ago where I wasn't depressed without ever taking pills. I don't know how or why but my depression just went away.. but for some reason only god knows, it's back and pretty sure to stay since it's the worst it's ever been. The only time I feel good is when I'm dreaming even if it's a nightmare.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that the reason that everybody says medication and counseling is because that is what worked for them. If you have a chemical embalance, as many of us do, then medication is what works. There are herbal remedies if you don't want to take medication. You might want to look into that. There is st. johnswort, and 5htp. But other than that, medication is the key. Counseling is good. But doing nothing isn't going to help you. I mean nothing in the way of counseling, self help books, and medication.

Talking here is good. So if you have things that you want to talk about, feel free. As long as it sin't about suicide or self harm.

We have exhausted every option that we can think of. The rest is up to you. Make some healthy choices. Take pride in what you do. Working, hobbies and such. Changing your attitude helps. Take life one day at a time. One moment if you have to. I would love to see you get better. I would love to see you be happy. Walk in the woods if you can. That always helps me.

I hope that you start to feel better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg

I think you should look at some of those options that have been offered to you but I do agree with Karen you have to change your way of thinking, like I said before You Have to Give Yourself a Chance, if you don't like yourself then others won't either.

I would like to hear about your hobbies, what do they involve? Are there other young people there? I am interested and care so next post why don't you tell me what you like to do on weekends and with whom.

Remember we are all interested in you and want to help you feel better, for that big black cloud to lift from above you. I look foward to your next post.
Harrington49


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/18/2010 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg, I have answered you before but I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. I don't know why your mother made such a terrible comment to you. The
only thing I can think of is maybe she had some issues herself and it came out of her own bad feelings about herself. I imagine your mom didn't know how much she hurt you. Have you tried talking to her about this? As far as guys your age making comments I also believe that people say cruel things because of their own issues and that they too feel bad about themselves. It is a twisted philosophy but some people strike out at others because that is the only way they know how to feel better. That is what bullies in school do to other kids. They wouldn't do it if they felt positive about themselves. I think if I met you I would not think you are ugly and I think it is just a perception you have because you are feeling depressed right now. I know you don't want to take meds but they do help. Is there any kind of counseling service where you are that has a sliding scale of payment? I have a therapist at an agency that lowers payment depending on income. I only pay $10 for each session and I know they go as low as $5 for people who need help but can't afford it. It's worth looking into.  I think it would be a big help if you could change your negative outlook to focus on what is positive for you. You said you have hobbies. Can you find a group that has the same hobbies as you? I think the advice others have given you is good. I have found that the best way to help my depression is to make the effort to get out and do something, join some organizations. Volunteer work is very rewarding. And trust me, people are so grateful to have your help you will find you are are welcomed and appreciated. But the important thing is you have to put in the effort. What you do to help yourself will come back to you many times more. The hardest part of trying to help yourself is the resistance to actually putting yourself out there. Once you get past that and say to yourself I am going to do this I think you will have succcess.
 
Many gentle hugs,
 
Aurora

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 6/18/2010 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
v-dogg. i too have a story. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 6/18/2010 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

Aurora made a really good point. And I think that you can understand. People only do bad things to others when they aren't feeling good about themselves. If they were feeling good about themselves, they wouldn't feel the need to hurt others. I don't understand myself what they get out of hurting others, but it usually due to jealousy or low self esteem. I am not saying you have to forgive and forget, I am just saying that they lash out and you just happened to be the most convenient person to do it to.

I do hope that you are feeling better. Keep posting and keep us updated.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


whymewhy
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/23/2010 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   
hello their,
i can relate to your loneliness.
ever since i was a kid,i would be by myself,never had any friends and still don't.
i would just stay in my room until it was time for dinner.
the only time i was ever social was when i had my bf,but even then,i felt alone.
like they where his friends not me,i was just the tag along.

i see how you feel like your hole world is falling about but you need to try to look on the bight side or it will get you know nowhere.
try walking outside,even if its just up and down your driveway or down the street. sometimes being outside in the fresh air helps.
now if i could only take my own advice i would be all set
take care and dont give up
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