Loneliness or depression

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/16/2010 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I have suffered from loneliness most of my life and depression for about 12 years. I am reading a book now about loneliness which separates it as its own emtional condition. I have taken a/d meds and anti anxiety for many years. Even at the highest dose of my a/d med I still feel very lonely. As some of you who know me and undestand my current situation, it's because I am living alone for the 1st time. I have friends and I try to get together with them when I can but everyone seems to have such busy  lives and the plans fall through at times making me feel even worse. I have signed up for some seminars and I do volunteer work. I belong to a depression support group but it only meets once a month and I have yet to make a friend there even though I have tried. Many in the group are parents of bipolar children so our emorional problems are different. While I can get out during the day and participate in some activities, the night is what is so difficult. I have no one to cook for anymore and there are only so many times you can call someone. So I find the night very difficult when I can't talk to anyone. When you feel so lonely it is hard to concentrate on reading or TV. I try but I guess I just end up feeling sorry for myself which is no good. I would like to hear from anyone who feels like me and how you cope with your situation. The only family I have are two sons and one is far away and the other way to busy to have much time for me. I find myself crying all the time because I can't handle these terrible feelings. I don't want to be so isolated but life just seems to be isolating me. I have people to email and that helps but hearing a voice at night is what I really need.
 
Aurora

Sashaxx
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 6/16/2010 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hugs to you Aurora..and I hope you don't mind me jumping in here. I can understand what you are saying and how you feel. It can be so hard at times. My loneliness started when my parents separated when I was a teenager and my father never wanted anything to do with us ( I have a sister and a brother ) when he left.
To cut a long story short, I found it very hard 'talking' to people and making friends as I guess people found me rather reserved. Im 43, married ( my husband doesn't quite 'get' how I feel though ), but I have two beautiful young daughters who keep me going, without them, I dont know where I would be. Music also 'lifts' me or my mood when im feeling down, I couldn't be without it. But I know about loneliness and I know about depression. I had endless days of crying and feeling so alone...
Again hugs..
xx Sasha xx
 
Fear less hope more, whine less breathe more, talk less say more, hate less love more.....and all good things are yours.


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/16/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sashaxx, thank you so much for your reply.I can alway use a new friend here. I have been divorced many years and my sons are adults. My older son has always lived with me and he needed to learn some skills for independent living so he went to a program that teaches young adults how to live on their own. He will be gone about 3 months. Then we have to get him his own apartment so he can maintain an independent life. He has learning disabilities and epilepsy so that is why he lived with me until now but I was worried if something happened to me he wouldn't know what to do. I couldn't put the burden on his brother, my younger son, so I found this program but he is far away for the summer. It means I will always be living alone from now on and that is what I am struggling with. I hope I can sell my house when the market improves and get a small apt. for myself. I think I would feel more secure in a building with others. Listening to music is a good idea and I will try that. It also helps to come here and post and hope to get answers. You are very kind to let me know about yourself and I appreciate that you "jumped in " to help me. I hope I can do the same for you. I would be glad to answer any of your posts. How wonderful that you have your daughters. They must be a big comfort for you.
 
Many hugs,
 
Aurora

Sashaxx
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 6/16/2010 10:40 PM (GMT -7)   
You're welcome Aurora.  And yes, it does help to come here and post.  I find I am here a lot when I should be doing other things really :-)    and while I may not always know what to say to people, Im a great listener, so please keep in touch.  Im hoping to make some friends in here....and already I think I have :-)

vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/16/2010 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Reading all of this shatters every ounce of hope I have left of getting married. I'm 25 and never even had a boyfriend so it probably wouldn't happen anyway but knowing there's a chance I'll still be lonely if I do happen to get married defeats the purpose of me even trying to find someone now.

Sashaxx
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 6/17/2010 12:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg ... Im sorry if I said something wrong??

vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 12:32 AM (GMT -7)   
no you're fine, i was just venting my frustration in the difficulty of finding a future husband and the confusion in not caring anymore or not even wanting one since apparently love doesn't last anyway, from what i read. i shouldn't have stepped in... sorry.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 6/17/2010 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Vdogg,

Don't lose hope. You could very easily have a relationship. And it happens when we least expect it. Like it comes out of nowhere. I lost my first husband in 2000 to lung cancer. I thought I would never get married again, but here I am ten years later married to the greatest guy. So don't lose hope my friend. Like I say, it happens when you least expect it to happen. Keep the faith.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/17/2010 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Vdogg, I am so sorry if I said something that discouraged you. I need to clarify what I mean about my loneliness. It hasn't been something that has affected my whole life. I guess what I mean is I have had various times of loneliness in my life but it was never a constant thing. It was during times like when I got divorced and when my Mom passed away, but those are times when one does tend to feel sad or lonely. I guess when I posted I was at a very low point and was letting too much negativity get into the way. I am missing my son because he is gone for the summer but he will be back in Aug. And I probably will wish he was gone again
(lol). Do not give up hope in meeting someone. As Karen said it happens when you least expect it. Yes, I have been divorced for sometime and I didn't remarry but that was out of my choice. I have had several relationships over the years but I really did not want to be married anymore. The opportunity was there but I did then and do now prefer being on my own. That's not to say that I don't have male
companionship because I do. They are friends who I can get together with for a movie or dinner. My son is 36 and he has only had one girl friend and only had a few other dates. But I have told him when he worries about getting married that it will happen because he is open to it. So much has to do with ones attitude towards the goals they hope to achieve. You are young and you will have opportunities. If you can join a group or find activities that involve men and women you can make friends and who knows you can meet. Doing something like joining a volley ball league or softball or soccer is a good place to meet people. I know it takes effort but it pays off in the end. Do you go to church?
Many people who go to church meet others and they may have a group for young adults. Please know that I care and that I hope you will feel better about yourself. I know you are a good and valuable person and you can come here anytime and have friends who will respond to you. This is a very caring group and even though I am older there are friends here of all ages. Try to take good care of yourself.
 
Aurora
 
Just another note to say most young people now a days are getting married much later, in their late 20s or 30s. So please don't be discouraged.

Post Edited (Aurora60) : 6/17/2010 4:43:14 PM (GMT-6)


vdogg
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 6/17/2010 11:21 PM (GMT -7)   
You don't have to apologize. I should have stayed out of it because instead of trying to help you, I put my negative two cents in and caused even more damage. I'm sorry.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
i thought i would not find love again after my precious partner died in my arms. (2006) and now engaged. i took a long while, i thought that rengaging was disrespectful. it took me 2 yrs. and love came around, and yes i didn't see it coming. jamie.
 
ps, she is always in my heart.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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