15 year old girl

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Butterflys123
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/17/2010 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
 

Post Edited (Butterflys123) : 12/24/2010 8:13:01 PM (GMT-7)


SuNeJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/17/2010 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there...
 
I know my user name sounds...well...not muslim, but its not my real name, i'm muslim.  My family is not very religious but i do have relatives that are Muslim families...  And I'm also a 15  year old girl too.  I'm not sure which part of the world you live in but i can see how difficult that may be...Feeling like you need to hide things from parents because you can't do certain things and you're scared to tell them.  What one of my cousins did was actually sat down with her parents and asked her parents wat their expectations of her were and wat they thought she would be allowed to do.  After they told her, she began to explain some of the things she wanted to change and some things she thought she should be entitled to do as a free human being on this earth...a lot of this has to do with confidence and being able to stand up for yourself ...This obviously may not be easy because most parents THINK they don't need to hear a second opinion and feel they know what's best for their kid...and sometimes, it's not always the best thing...  Try that approach and see what happens..
 
As for your brothers, how old are they?  And if they are physically or verbally hurting you, have you tried talking to a school counsellor?  Not sure if you're school may have one but if you do, i know i was scared at first to talk to mine, but it really helped.  I'm afraid for you, and what your brothers could do to you eventually.  They may not mean it intentially but it really needs to stop.  You are a human being and deserve respect and being physically punished for nothing is a VIOLATION.  It doesn't matter if the person is related to you or whatever...It hurts, and it shouldnt be done to you. 
 
And with the pills and cutting...I know, I've been there, and it sucks.  But just remember it's not worth it...don't inflict more pain on yourself because you can't stop them inflicting pain on you...Remind yourself every now and then that you are important in this world and have to be treated well and be loved to make it far...And remind youself that you ARE loved and are of very good use to this world...
 
Try talking to a cousellor if you can and see if you can work out these problem...you may be surprised at how things can really work for you.  Keep posting if you have anymore troubles, we're here for you :) .
 
Signed,
Suzy Nell J.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 6/18/2010 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butterfly,

Welcome to the depression forum. You have come to a good place. You will get a lot of advice and valadation here.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I can't believe that your parents don't care that your brothers hit you. But you shouldn't have to deal with this. Can you keep your distance from them?

Please don't discuss the self harm on here. We aren't allowed to. I didn't edit your post because you didn't discuss it much, but for future reference, we aren't suppose to discuss that or doing drugs. And be careful with that, you don't nkow what you are taking, it could really hurt you. Even if they are prescription.

It is so hard to give advice to a different culture, I am glad taht Suzy posted to you. You two have something in common and that is good. Maybe you could email eachother in the future for support. I hope that you become friends. Keep posting on here though, the emailing was just a thought on my part. That way you could talk more in depth about the things that you can't talk about on here.

I truly hope that things get better for you. My only advice is talk to your parents. Let them know that you are not happy with the way that your brothers treat you. I dont' know, you have tried, but keep trying.

Take care my dear.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/18/2010 6:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Butterfly

I totally agree with Karen, keep speaking to your parents, keep complaining, shout, scream do anything to draw attention to their behaviour which is totally unacceptable. I can only imagine how hard it is for a 15 year old girl with brothers who are treating her inappropriately.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going.

TO SUZY:
I am so proud of you Suzy, you have given Butterfly such good advice and you sound so mature too. I also hope you two can become friends as it would be good for both of you, you have a lot in common. Congrats Suzy and keep posting good posts like that.
Harrington49


SuNeJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/18/2010 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butterfly123,

Its good to hear ur reply...I have a question for you, what has your father's reaction been to your brothers hurting your mom like that? Because i definatly believe that if a father figure can step in, his sons can be steered in a better direction. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that...

But if you do have a counsellor at your school or in ur area and u feel comfortable, you can always talk to them. Sometimes they help a lot with situations like these.

I agree with Harrington as well, you need to be able to keep trying and trying with your parents. What i find with my parents is that my whining doesnt help so keep calm, confident, and make sure your points are clear and you mean what you mean.
There is one thing though that you need to remember in this whole mess, remember to never carry on the traits of striking other people the way that some of your family members have done to you. My dad has been slightly like that in the past and i always have to remind myself to keep calm and remember to not become like that. Because passing on that trait is never going to help.

As for your brothers, try your best to keep away if you must. And always remember that inflicting more pain to make pain go away is NOT the way things work. It takes slow steps of self realization and getting the help you need to be safe.
If you need anything, post more on this forum :)

Suzy Nell J.

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/24/2010 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Butterflys123

Have you spoken to your parents yet about the treatment your brother has been dealing out to you? Complain about the computer, take all the stuff off that he has put on, if its your computer and your's only, why not? Your brother is just a bully and your parents need to pull him into line quick smart.

Keep posting Butterflys and let us know how things are going for you.
Harrington49


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/27/2010 12:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Butterflys

I really feel for you sweetheart, don't intervene in your parents' fights, they will sort it out themselves. I am more concerned about the bullying your brother dishes out to you, but it sounds like he has had a good teacher in your father. Maybe that is why your brother hit your mother because he saw your father do it also.

I don't agree with Misunderstood about the counselling as we are not trained counsellors on here (sorry Christian), I would be more inclined to speak now to the school counsellor as well as speaking to your parents about your brothers. Don't worry yourself now about the "arranged marriage" I am sure you are too young yet so try and put that right out of your mind.

I don't think you are going to be able to change their minds about you doing the sport that you love, your parents are very male orientated in their thinking and I am sorry for you as you say you might have been able to get a scholarship to college. Have you tried just talking to your mother? Maybe she might be able to convince your dad. Have they ever seen you play? Maybe your coach could speak to them also?

Hang in there and keep posting, and stay out of the way of your bullyboy brothers, I am thinking of you.
Harrington49


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 6/27/2010 2:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I do agree with counseling for you though so that you have some extra support.

I am sorry that you are believing that your father is hitting your mother. That is not right. She doesn't deserve that. Hoping that it isn't true, but it could very well be. And you should feel safe in your home. Do you feel safe?

I do agree that you should study hard. That is for your benefit in life. Maybe in college you will be able to do the sports that you like. Keep practicing and take classes at school so that you can be active in the sport that you enjoy so much. I am glad that you are good at it. I wouldn't make it a career issue, but you could do it for fun and if you are really good at it, maybe take it further.

I wish you all the best. Try not to let your parents fights traumatize you. Parents do fight, but if your father hitting your mother becomes an issue again, maybe you could talk to a counselor about it.

I hope that whereever you are that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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