Back to square one, by youngmil

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   Posted 6/19/2010 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
New thread started for youngmil.  I hope that you are having a good day.  It is Saturday, so I hope that you enjoy yourself around the house.  Doing yardwork and what not.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 6/21/2010 1:16 AM (GMT -7)   
very pleased for you. jamie.
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   Posted 6/21/2010 4:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,

That was such a touching post. I am so happy that your son gave you such a special card. That must have meant so much to you. What a wonderful day!!!

You have such a way with words my friend. You express yourself so well. That is a wonderful quality in you.

I am so happy that you had such a wonderful day yesterday. That means a lot to me as well as I am sure that it did to you.

You are hanging in there just fine and I am really proud of you. Keep up the good work. And remember, one day at a time.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 6/28/2010 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the post Youngmil,

I take it that the boxes are for work, not home. Though I know that you were contemplating moving out. Have you decided on that?

I am sorry that you have the added stress of her ex. That is no fun. But hopefully he will pay some child support and that will help financially.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Sorry this is so short, not feeling too well today.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 6/30/2010 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow Youngmil, that is a wonderful offer. I guess this all depends if you want to make the move. If you feel the job is secure and if you think you will like it. That is a lot of money. To me anyway... I am so happy for you. Do you think you are going to take the job? I kind of think you might. Please do let us know.

It sounds like many good things are happening to you right now. But more decisions. But if this is a substancial increase in pay, what the heck? Sounds good to me... I am very happy for you.

I am feeling better. Had a few bad days with my fibromyalgia. It was humid here and that was hard for me. It has since cooled down a lot. about twenty degrees from what it was. So I am taking this oppertunity to do some cooking. I don't cook like I use to so it is a challenge for me.

Well, you let me know what you decide. Like I say, I am truly happy for you. Very excited to hear this news.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 6/30/2010 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
It kind of seems like when it rains it pours even with the good things. It is like you have two good things to choose from and you hope that you pick the right one. I would consider the job in Colorado. Seriously think about it. Get ahold of them and see what all it entails. It is certainly an option for you. All I know is that I am so happy that everything is working out for the good. I am glad that you are feeling good about this new position. It is wonderful that everybody is welcoming you with open arms. I am truly happy.

It sounds like the ball is certainly in your court. Relish in the thought for awhile and enjoy it. Take it one day at a time. And go with it I guess. This is truly a good thing.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/1/2010 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,

Give yourself some time to adjust. You always have the other option of the job in Colorado. So you are not stuck there. Know that, and it will make it easier for this transition.

I think it is wonderful how the others are greeting you and talking to you. I think you can do this if you put your mind to it. Don't give up, whatever you do.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/1/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,

I didn't realize that this job was one if you will, of demotion. That must be really hard for you. I know that you said that it wasn't really what you wanted though. Do you still get the same salary? It would be hard to have to get a decrease in salary too. I hope that you are still making the same. It sounds like your other manager could have been intimadated by you. My friend just lost her job because of the bosses girlfriend didn't like her. But she was able to prove that they didn't have a reason to fire her. Actually they didn't have proof that they did have a reason. She got her unemployment and hopefully a better job in the fall. The woman even had the guts to drop her insurance that she was paying for. But she got that back. But it goes to show what people will do when they are intimadated or don't like you. I have had my share of problems in the workforce myself by other jealous employees. And to have to work with them daily. That sucks. But I don't work anymore so I don't have that problem now.

Things will work out for you. You are intelligent and you have a good head on your shoulders. So don't lose hope Youngmil. You will get this worked out for the best. And you will have a job that you are comfortable with.

Have a great evening.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/8/2010 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Although the fireworks incident was unfortunate, I wouldn't call the whole day a bust.  You had a very nice time with your wife and I think that was wonderful.  So try not to let one incident ruin the whole day.  Save the memories of the good times.  Though I think it would have been good if the neighbors would have contacted you before they called the authorities.  Though maybe they didn't know it was your son.  But like I say, just try to remember the good part of the day and think of it as something good.
 
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   Posted 7/8/2010 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess that you did, and that is good.  I get a better picture of the situation going on.  Maybe it is the right thing to do.  You need to be able to get on with your life and this way you will be able to.  Are you the sole supporter?  It seems that you said she works.  So she should be able to provide for herself.  Will she want alimony?  What about child support?  Or is that even a problem? 
 
I guess you pretty much have this figured out.  Good thinking on your part.  Though I hate to see any family split up.  This does sound like it is the right move on your part.  You can rediscover you again.  Do things that you want.  No more arguing.  It should be peaceful to say the least. 
 
Let us know how things are going.  Best wishes for a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/9/2010 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I am just happy that she can support herself. I guess it is the window of oppertunity here, and it sounds like it is time for you to move on. This could be a big step. But it could be your chance to break free and get a life. One that will make you happy. You have been struggling for a long time. Getting stronger as you go. And you deserve to be happy. You are supported here, whatever you decide.

I am on the quick reply and it isn't working very good. So I will cut this short and write more later.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/11/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I really think you are ready for the transition.  You have started the process, and I believe it is time to move on for you.  This is going to be a good change.  You will get stronger with time.  You will take care of yourself and wont have to put up with anybody's crap.  I think you are going to like this.  You can do what you want, when you want.  You wont have anybody to answer to.  Not that you did before, but I think you know what I mean. 
 
This might seem strange at first with nobody there with you, but you will get use to it.  Though you may embrace the silence, I don't know.  There is actually an energy in silence. 
 
Let us know how things are going and what is happening.
 
Take care,
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/15/2010 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow.
 
Youngmil, this sounds so exciting and promising.  Try not to get your hopes up too much so if it doesn't work out, you wont be too disappointed.  But for the moment "HORRAY".  This is so cool!!!
 
You sound excited about the move.  Are you going to ask your wife to relocate with you?  How are things going in that aspect of your life?  Are you two communicating at all?  Are you still planning to move out?  I know, questions.  But you haven't mentioned her in a while, so I was curious as to what was going on. 
 
I am so happy for you.  It is nice to have something to look forward to, isn't it?  I am really, really happy that you got that phone call and that you have a chance at this job.  I truly hope that you get it.  Keep me posted.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/15/2010 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
It all sounds so complicated at this point, but I can see it doens't have to be.  And I think that you are doing all the right things.  I would read her letter though, just in case she did have something to say. 
 
It sounds like you two aren't even on the same planet here.  But I guess that is how things end up sometimes.  It sounds like you are more of a scheduled type person and driven where she is more of a live and let live type person.  And I guess there comes a point where they tend to collide, so you back off and just live your life.  I imagine that is the smartest thing to do at this point. 
 
I am really happy about this new job that you may get.  I really hope that you do.  Make sure to let us know what happens.  I am praying for you.  It sounds like just the right job for you.  I really hope that you get it. 
 
I am tired, have been lately, we have had some really hot weather and humid too.  Too much so for me.  I really wish that it would rain and rain good.  Then cool off.  Or at least get the humidity down.
 
Take care,
 
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   Posted 7/17/2010 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,

I just wanted to post a short note to say how happy I am for you. Am really tired today and want to lay down. But wanted to post to you first. I hope that everything goes well for you. Keep me posted.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/18/2010 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,
 
I am sorry that my last post was so short.  I wasn't feeling up to par then.  I just wanted to let you know again how happy I am for you and that this is such a cool thing.  I hope that this new job works out well for you.  I hope that you keep posting so that you can let me know what's up. 
 
Keep up the good work.  Good luck on your new job.
 
Take care Youngmil.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/19/2010 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I really feel for her, because she is going to be shocked.  But I guess if she isn't listening, she wont know what is going on.  That is her loss.  Who knows, she might come around yet. 
 
I am glad taht you are doing this in a calm quiet manner.  No sense in making a big deal out of it, though be prepared for when she finally figures it out.  She is losing a very good man in my opinion.  But you have to think of yourself right now.  Do what is right for you.  And who knows, you will probably meet somebody who is more caring and compassionate, when you are ready.  I know right now you have to keep your mind on this transition. 
 
I really am happy for you.  I really hope that you get this new job.  Just make sure you keep in touch with us and let us know how things are going once you move.
 
Take care Youngmil.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/19/2010 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
You are thinking very clearly and handling this very well.  I know that the situation is difficult.  But you will get through this.  She might come around when she sees you are serious about leaving.  Hard to say.  I don't think she expects this to happen.  It could be an awakening for her.  But I don't want to see her open up to you just because she is afraid you are leaving, but maybe it would be a start.  I don't know.  Like you say, who's to say how this is going to turn out.  But as long as you are happy, that is what matters right now.  I hope that you are happy with the transition.  I hope like ever that you get this job.  It sounds perfect for you.  Make sure to let me know what happens.
 
Take care Youngmil.  Keep posting.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/22/2010 5:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,
 
When people see  that two people are posting back and forth, they often think that they are interfering with the convo.  If you want more people to post, start a new thread.  They will come on.  The thread could be about anything you want it to be.  Or a question that you would like to ask of others.  I know that you would get responses.  But like I say, with our communication, they probably feel like they are butting in.  So start a new thread and I am sure that other people will respond.  Also if you respond on other threads, you will most likely get more communication than just me. 
 
I am sorry that the household seems so quiet.  Try starting a conversation with other members of your family.  Hopefully this will open up the lines of communication.  Maybe ask them how their day went.  I am sure that they would love to tell you what is up with them.  How old are the kids?  I hate to hear that they are not communicating with you.  That is not good.
 
Keep your chin up today.  Take it one thing at a time.  You will get through this day and tomorrow you will most likely feel better.
 
You are such a kind and giving person.  I hate to see you feel lonely.
 
Take care my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/28/2010 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Youngmil,
 
I can see the importance of keeping a clean house.  Ours is small so it is cluttered, but I make my way through it.  I know where everything is, just can't always get to it.lol...
 
But yes, I can see your frustration, and she is not helping the kids by not making them clean up after themselves. 
 
I am finding that this computer takes up a lot of my time.  I find myself sitting in front of it when I could be doing something else.  Maybe that is what is going on with her.  It is addicting.  But her lack of family interaction really surprises me.  You would think she would care a little more.  I feel bad for the kids, once they get out on their own, they wont have a clue.  But what can you do???  You have tried your best.  And not getting anywhere is terribly frustrating for you, I can see that.  Hopefully when they grow up, they will see how hard you tried to help them.
 
One day at a time is all we can do.  I think you will be much happier once you move.  Keep your chin up.  Keep trying.  That is the best that you can do at this point.
 
Keep posting and let me know how things are going.  Thanks for the update.  I see things more clearly now.
 
Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/30/2010 7:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Youngmil,

Keep those thoughts out of your head. You are on a healing journey right now. Making big decisions. So focus on that. No more bad thoughts. Please...

Keep your chin up. You will get through this. Life will get better for you. You are in a transition period and need to keep moving forward.

Hugs, Karen
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   Posted 7/30/2010 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I use to listen to a program on the radio at night called Dalilah.  She was pretty good.  It was mostly young adults and teens that called in.  And a lot of sappy love advice, but it did take my mind off of things and I liked the music that was played in between.  So I can understand where you are coming from there.  It is entertaining too. 
 
Yes, deal with her when the time comes.  I can't believe that she doesn't have a clue.  Goes to show how much attention she is paying to your relationship.  She will know soon enough and you can deal with it then.  Maybe this way is better, you wont have time to think about changing your mind.  I know that you are going to miss the kids, but you will be able to see them when the time comes.  I didn't realize that they were as old as they are.  I kept picturing littler kids.  So they will be able to see you when they want to.  I think you are doing the right thing Youngmil.  You need to explore things at your own pace.  You have a lot of living to do.  And it seems that she was just keeping you in a funk, no moving forward.  I am glad that you are doing this for yourself.  Just keep prodding along at your own pace. 
 
My husband and I went out for breakfast this morning and then went to town and did some errands.  It was nice to get out with him.  I got a new crate for the puppyb as she outgrew hers.  So until I got that crate I was kind of stuck at home as she will get into things still.  So this was a treat for me.  Imagine that, laundromat, shopping a treat.  But the breakfast was wonderful and I got some things out of the way.  Let's you know the excitement in my life.  Though it never did take very much to entertain me.  I met a nice elderly couple at the laundromat and we had some nice conversation.  So that was a plus.  They were cute.
 
I hope that you have a good day Youngmil.  Know that you are doing what is right for yourself and I am happy for you.  I think that you are going to be much happier now.  It must be somewhat of a relief knowing that you are on your way to a better life.
 
Hugs, Karen
 
 
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   Posted 7/31/2010 1:07 AM (GMT -7)   
keep being positive, more good days await for you. karen is right, about transition, so i say keep positively moving forward also. sorry i haven't replied, have real problems with remembering things from longer posts. know that you are always in my thoughts. with healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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   Posted 7/31/2010 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,
 
I am glad that you are getting your own storage unit.  That can save a lot of grief for you.  I am so sorry that she seems to be clueless to what is going on.  She doesn't seem to be paying attention to things,.  Sounds like she is in her own little comfortable world.  I am afraid that she will have a rude awakening coming up soon. 
 
Have you got a place yet?  I can't remember.  I hope that you find a nice place that you will be feeling comfortable with.
 
Will you have to pay alimony?  Do you think you will get divorced?  I guess to get on with your life, you may have to.  I guess you got grounds with her not being communacative with you.  I don't know.  I have never been through that, so I am clueless there. 
 
I wish the very best for you.  I want you to be happy.
 
Take care my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
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fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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   Posted 8/1/2010 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Youngmil,
 
You might want to talk to a lawyer to be on the safe side of the alimony thing.  But I am glad if you don't have to pay it.  You will need to talk to a lawyer anyway I guess if you are going to get a divorce.  My brain is none too good this mornign so please forgive me if I don't mke much sense.  I am tired. 
 
I am happy that you are finding a place at the end of the month.  Didn't this summer go by fast?  It is already august.  I can't belive it. 
 
I know that things are gonig to work out for you.  You are a good man Youngmil.  You have tried the best that you can and there is no sense on going any further with this.  You are taking the right steps to becomming happy and that is what matters now. 
 
Keep posting my friend.  Let us know how you are doing.  Take care.  I wish for you a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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