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horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/22/2010 1:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, everyone..
I have been posting in the bipolar forum (since I am bipolar!!!), but have  moved over here becuase I spend 90% of my time depressed and I am considered rather complicated as far as meds go.  I feel like I  have been depressed forever and maybe very 3 months I will have a mood shift to mania for 3-4 days only to plunge nack in depression.  By depression ranges anywhere from mild to severe (suicidal)  It.s  been hard to deal with.  I work as a licensed counselor and find it helps to be distracted by others' probelms.  If I respond to a post, sounding like a counselor. I apologize now, because it is not my intent to try to be anyone''s counselor here on the forum.  I am here for support and to give support.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/22/2010 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Horse crazy

Welcome to the Depression Forum, I have read some of your posts on the BP Forum, I thought I recognised the name.

Do you know what is causing your depression? Is there a specific reason?

I have noticed on your profile that you like gardening, I love gardening. It just gives me so much pleasure and is excellent therapy for depression, have you noticed that? I grow veges and have just a normal garden as well. We live on a normal size residential block and the first thing we did was put my garden in. I would certainly be lost without it.

You will have to tell us a bit more about yourself, we are all interested and you will find us a pretty good bunch on here. Please post again soon.
Harrington49


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/22/2010 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi HorseCrazy,

I am horse crazy too. Always had one when I was a kid, but dont' have the energy to take care of one now. As they are so much work.

I am glad that you have posted here. And glad that you want to support others. We do have a wonderful group of members here, I am so proud of them. Today is chat day if you are interested. We usually have chat on Tuesdays. And it is all day, so that people from other places can join in. So please do if you feel up to it.

Keep posting, let us know how you are doing. I too have seen you on bipolar as I was moderating there until Happy Bill got to be a mod. He is quite a character, I like him.

Take care my friend. Know that we all do care about you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 6/23/2010 2:23 AM (GMT -7)   
welcome horse-crazy. jamie, male, 37. MDD. here for you. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/24/2010 2:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Harrington, Getting by, and Jamie..
Thankj you for the welcome.  A bit more info...I have been married forever (41 years) to a guy whohad a horrible time at first adjusting to my mood swings and now backs me about 90% of the time.  I have 2 adult sons who have learned to support me without letting my problems consume them.  The youngest (23) is a paramedic and studying to be a nurse and he is a bit of a caretaker...but has learned to set loving boundaries with me.  Because without a doubt, when I am very depressed I can be a handful.  Officially, I am bipolar I, but for the past 2 years have been quite deoressed (with a handful of hyper days) and thus far the depression has been resistant to medication.  In late July, I will go to University Of Micigan's Depression Center for a total evaluation and hopefully, they will be able to offer my pdoc some guidance in dragging me out of the never ending depression, which runs from moderate to severe.  Some of the depression was PTSD when in Feb'09 one of our horses out of the blue attacked me, injuring me quite badly and I had to be hospitalized.  It was a very scarey, brutal attack that sent me into a downward spiral of depression for months, but PTSD counseling finally helped me resolve that.  Having had horses in my life since I was a kid and trusting them 100%, the attack was something I had a terrible time coming to terms with.
And yes, Harrington, I do love to garden.  Last summer I was in sort of a depression haze and really did not garden.  This year at first I forced myself to garden and now am really back into it.  Gardening is very healing and centering for me.  I love to dig around in the dirt!!!  I only have a couple tomato plants and then a flower garden.  A full fledged vegetable garden is impossible because we have a huge population of vegetable loving deer that live in and around our property. Winning the war with the deer can be frustrating.  It sounds like you have a wonderful garden and I am glad you get so much pleasure from it.  I hope to hear more about you.
Getting by...yes, Happy Bill is a neat sounding sort of guy.  His upbeat posts and encouragement were always helpful to me.  I am glad to be "catching" up with you over here in the depression forum.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/24/2010 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Horse Crazy,

I found with the deer, to take a bag of dog hair or human hair and place it around your garden. They don't like it. Hope that helps. We fence our garden off with that plastic fencing. My main culprit is bunny rabbits. They eat my bean plants. I found cayene pepper helps there, they don't like it and the pepper has potassium in it which is good for plants. But we had problems with the deer and the dog hair thing did work good. I put it in Walmart bags, and the sound of the bags bothered them too.

Are you from Michigan? I am too. I am in northern lower Michigan. Hard winters here. Southern isn't too bad.

I hope that you have a great day today. I am up way early, the dogs woke me up so I decided to stay up as I wnt to bed kind of early last night.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/24/2010 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Horse Crazy

I have been married 37 years to the best husband in the world, although he doesn't understand depression and why I have it. He has such a good outlook on life, I wish I could catch it.

My depression was caused by my only daughter moving to Sweden 10 years ago, so yes I have been depressed all that time on and off but mostly on. She has been home to Australia to visit quite a few times in that 10 years but since 2008 our relationship has been on a downhill slide to the point that it is at now of her having cut off all communication to both her father and I. However we did receive a birthday card each but that is the only contact she has had with us since Christmas Eve last year.

We have written to her, sent her cards and tried to ring her repeatedly, all to no avail. She totally ignored Mothers Day and to be quite honest I am totally gutted by the whole situation. Some days I just can't pick myself up, I do a lot of crying in secret and lie awake at night till all hours until I finally cry myself to sleep.

However, I found this wonderful HW forum and I have made some good friends on here who I know care about me.

How lucky are you to have your own personal paramedic? I can only imagine how he must look after you. I also have a son who has just turned 30, but he doesn't look after me the way your son does you.

I too find the garden very therapeutic, although it is winter now but I have all my winter veges in and we have been eating from the garden for quite a few weeks now. I just live on a normal suburban residential block, so we don't have the deer to worry about, in summer I just have to worry about my golden lab Holly, who absolutely loves tomatoes, strawberries and basically anything you can eat, she loves it. So we have had to fence the veges off but she can still get at the ones that hang over the fence. I often come out in the morning and there are green tomatoes that she has pulled off the vine lying, not eaten, but chewed on the ground (LOL). But I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Well Horse Crazy, I hope we too can become good friends, I am sure we will, so keep posting.


Harrington49


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/24/2010 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Getting By...(Karen)
I live in South east Michigan.  We had a very mild winter this year, with a very early spring.  I have been out (kind of forcing myself into action) working on yard work and riding some. Last summer I was so depressed that I didn't work outside or ride my horse.  Then I kind of woke up this summer and about had a heart attack over how overgrown our property had gotten and all the work there is to do.  And been working as a marriage counselor.  I have found most husbands cannot comprehend their wive's depressions (most rry to).  I think part of the problem is guys are taught to and used to pulling themselves up by the boot straps and cannot comprehand the pain their wife is in.  Some can be somewhat mean about it, but for the most part just are confused on how to help.  The one thing husbands really have trouble coping with is Bipolar disorder.  Makes for an interesting day for me.  Unfortunately sometimes I get a client who very closely mirrors my own depression and I get pulled right down into it and start feeling overwhelmed.  Luckily I have a therpist who helps me through those clients.  I am still depressed this summer (with a few hypomanic moments thrown in), but nothing like last year....at least I can get stuff done now.  But I feel like at some level I am caught in this neverending depression and I get very tired of it.  I hope you are doing OK.  Do you have to read all the posts??  That would be one big job.  Take care.
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/24/2010 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Harrington...
I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing contact with either of my boys (even tho, I am sure they have had rheir moments of wishing I would disappear).  Seriously,  I feel so badly for you.  I just am glad you have a wonderful husband to help you thru this, even though he doesn't understand depression.  As a marriage counselor, I see alot of depressed women whose husbands are at a total loss what to do with a depressed wife, but they still love her very much.  I have been married 41 years to a guy who reallygave me a rough time when I first was diagnosed bipolar (however, I tend towards the depressed end of it), he slowly accepted it and now is pretty supportive.  I do think at this point he is as sick of my depression as I am and actively helps me search out doctors, programs, you name it in hopes of hitting on something that helps.
I feel bad that you are crying at night and by yourself.  I think it is a very lonely thing to cry by yourself, but I understand your tears.  I hope there is something that gives you comfort.  You know. as a counselor, I do see a lot of young adults who "write off a parent or parents for awhile....each seems to have a different time frame and a different reason.  But when they come to me, they are at a point of wanting to reconcile and they do...once they figure out how to do it.  So don't give up hope.  My brother's son wrote them off about a year ago...in fact, he wrote every single one of us off, including his very elderly grandmother, who he loved dearly.  Nobody knows what happened, but much to his parents' despair it seems like for the time being, it will be this way.  As I said, I can't imagine surviving one of my boys writing me off and my heart goes out to you.  I certainly can understand your depression and how hard it must be for you to crawl out of that hole.  I know I would be very depressed.  Use the support of this message board and maybe you might want to find a counselor to talk to.
Yes, I do have my own little (really not so little) paramedic.  In  Feb '09, one of our horses for some unknown reason attacked me quite brutally and I was hurt pretty bad.  I had my cell phone with me and was able to call 911 for help.  My son was on duty and when he arrived, he was so calm and comforting, but also busy getting me loaded into the ambulance and taking care of some of my injuries.  Anyway, first hand I saw him in action and he is very good at what he does.  And he has always had all the patience in the world for me when I am depressed.  After the horse attack I was severly depressed for 8 months and was treated for PTSD.  My oldest son is supportive of me, but he tends to take out his frustration by getting hopping angry at my doctos  or the fact nobody can make me "better"
You are in my thoughts.  When you cry, try to remember I am thinking of you and with you in spirit.  Hoping to hear from you again,
Hugs,
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/24/2010 11:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gail

I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible accident, that must have been devastating and so horrific. Luckily your son was on duty that day but I can only imagine the terrible fright he must have had when he heard it was at your place. So glad you have recovered well although I can understand why you have depression.

I have just resumed counselling this week. I stopped in December last year because I felt the counsellor was juding me, she was only a bit older than my daughter so I stopped going. Besides she told me to tell Cassandra that I was being treated for depression because of her and when I did tell her I said that the depression was because she wasn't here but I didn't blame her, anyway she turned it right around and said that she couldn't believe I was blaming her for my depression. So that was another reason I stopped.

However, as I said I resumed this week and this time I have a male counsellor, he is okay, but couldn't really offer me any advice, he thought it was going to be a one off session but I told him that I have been allocated three more so I will see him in a month. I just feel like I have hit a brick wall and can't find my way over it or past it. I am finding it very hard to wait it out as my husband says we have to do. But you are right, I do have a great husband but like I said he doesn't understand why it depresses me so much and hates me taking meds for it.

Thank you for being so nice, just like all of the other people on here that I have spoken to. Keep posting.


Regards Jocelyn
Harrington49


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/25/2010 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Horse Crazy,

I believe I remember you talking about the accident with the horse on the bipolar forum. Like harrington says, that had to be horrific. Do you still own this horse? Or did you have to get rid of it? You are very brave. I remember when I was a kid, my uncle and the kids and I went horseback riding. MY cousin was jealous of me and hit my horse when I had my foot out of the stirrup. The horse went running doen a big hill and I was being dragged. I hit my head on a rock. I was so scared. I didn't know until years later that my cousin hit my horse to make it run. She felt so bad, but I still couldn't understnad why she did it. I wasn't scared of horses or anything, thank God. But I sure was shook up. I couldn't believe my cousin did that to me.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, yes, I do try to read all of the posts. I have to check for spam or rule breaking. We need more moderators on this forum. But when we get them, they don't last long. I don't know if it stress or what. But they always leave. I have been doing this for a couple of years now. I enjoy it. But sometimes it takes me a while to get to all of the posts.

I hope that you are having a good day today. The sun is out here and it is suppose to be cooler today. Which I am glad because I can walk my dogs.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/25/2010 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen.....
I have been around horses since I was a little kid and trusted them almost more than I trusted people.  And I certainly have had many fall off the horse accidents, but never had I had a horse deliberately attack me with the sole intent of hurting me as the attack a year or so ago.  It was very frightening. because she would not stop and with each kick she hurt me.  about all I could do was try to protect my head and wait for her to retreat (which she finally did).  We got rid of her immediately...she tried to attack my husband, but he was ready for her and wacked her a good one with a shovel.  Anyone, the attack plunged me into depression big time.  It was like the horse had breeched this trust I had in horses
and I went thru a period of being terrified of horses.  And my own horse is an absolute sweetheart, gentle as can be.  Five year olds can ride him by themselves...that's how gentle he is.  But after the attack, I was even scared of him.  Took some long, hard counseling and the support of my family to get me past that bump in the road!!   Although, I am bipolar and over the years, a person who swung from mood to mood frequently. For the past 1 1/2 years,  I have mostly been depressed in varying degrees.  Just makes  getting stuff done rather hard.  And meds are not helping much.  On July 20th I go up to University of Micigan Depression Center for a total evaluation and they will send their recommendations to my pdoc.  I am hoping something comes of this.
 
Oh well...I can't imagine having to read all the posts and catching the not so good ones before we all read it!!!  Two years is quite a committment on your part.....good for you.  I am sure the forums could use a lot  of people like you.  BTW....I have heard of the hair around the garden.  Just never have tried it.  Maybe I will try it in my flower garden since the deer definitely have their preferences for cetain flowers.
 
Nice day today.  I was out at 5:45am this morning and it was so nice and cool and peaceful.  My nights are all screwed up right now.  I sleep 2 hours and then I am up 3 hours, back to bed for an hour and then up for however long.  Really annoying, but that is how I was up so darn early this morning.
 
Have a good day and tomorrow.
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/25/2010 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gail,

I am so glad that you are over the fear from that horrific event. I don't know what I would do if that happened to me, horses are so big and powerful. I am glad that you had a good counselor and doctor and that your family was there for you. It really helps to have the support that you need in a situation like that. You are very fortunate. Which is wonderful.

I am sorry that you have been depressed so much. I know that it robs us of all of our energy. I have been through that. Plus I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Fortunately I take adderall and that helps me to have the energy that I need to get through the day.

Today we went strawberry picking on a farm. It was kind of nice. Not too hot and there was a nice breeze. I am itching from the plants though on my arms from picking. But we got two crates of them. Enough for my husband to make his strawberry freezer jam. It is so good. I picked up a half of a gallon of french vanilla ice cream to go with them. Now I have to get some pound cake. His son went up to Charlevoix to pick yesterday I guess. They got a lot of them. They have four kids though so they wont last too long.

I hope that you are having a good day today. You take care, keep your chin up. Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/25/2010 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Jocelyn....
When a kid (I don't care their gae, they are still kids to me) "writes off" parents for whatever time it takes them to come around, I think the Mom in particular goes through a tough time grieveing the loss of contact with their kid, and to make matters worse, they are at a loss of what to do to restore the relationship.  Unfortunately, sometimes it is a very painful waiting time.  I don't usually say negative things about other counselors, but I really do think you got some bad advice to tell your daughter about your depression, because she seemed to take it wrong.  I am glad you are back in counseling, but the very few visits you have don't seem like enough.  Is that because of insurance or a goverment health plan??  I wouldn't expect your new counselor to give much advice on the first visit because hopefully, he was getting to know you first.  I know your hysband is super, but doesn't understand your depression and being a guy, he probably won't totally understand where you are coming from.  But you can lean on him for what strength he has, and try to focus a bit on your relationship with him.  He is there for you....just doesn't know how to help you.  Have you talked with him about ways he can help???  Maybe sometimes you just need to talk or vent, and he needs to know he doesn't have to fix it for you....all he needs to do is listen.  Men always want to fix problems and sometimes they just can't fix it for you,  but that doesn't mean you have to suffer in silence.
 
Since you have a limited amount of counseling visits, write down the points you want to cover in each session.  If you were in my office, I would focus on you and your pain.  Try to help you cope better with a bad situation.  You need to talk about your sadness and depression.  The counselor cannot reunite you with your daughter, but can maybe give you help in preparing for the day you are reunited.  Depression can be so bad, pulling you down  to the point it dominates your life.  You have to fight that.  You are not a bad Mom and probably never were.  But it easy to feel guilt and many other emotions when  kid separates and cuts you off.  I am sure she is going thru some sort of emotional crisis herself and hopefully she is seeking counseling, too.  I told you (I think) that my brother's son wrote the entire family off about a year ago.  My brother and his wife went to 3 different pdocs, who all said the same thing.  That they would have to wait for him to come around and any pressure on him would drive him farther away.  It is killing them to just "sit and wait".  They don't even know for sure why he wrote them off....it is breaking their hearts.  But I really think their son will come around...when he is ready.  My husband tried to intervene by calling their son at his work....well. that was a total failure since he hung up on my husband as soon as he realized it was "uncle Chuck" calling.  There is nothing I can say to make this OK for you, except I understand your pain and depression, and I personally would be devastated if one of my sons wrote me off. 
 
Yes, my paramedic son almost had a nervous breakdown when the call came in for our address.  I guess he drove the ambulance like a maniac. However, when he arrived here, he walked into the barn where I was and very confidently said "so, what's up, Mom?  Looks like we need to get you to a hospital."  He nay have faked the confidence, but it sure helped my state of mind!!!!  I give him a run for his money.  Not too long ago, I called him on his cell, and he could not understand a word I was saying. (I don't even remember calling him).  He was too far from home, so he called 911.
Turned out my lithium had gone toxic....my poor son thought I had had a stroke.  He is definitely a "caretaker".  His fiance has been very sick with an autoimmune disease and the prognosis is not real good, but he seems to take it all in stride.
 
So, exactly where do you live??  Have you always lived there??  I take it from something you said, that it is now your winter.  And of course, for me, I am in the heat of summer.
Talk to you later...lots of hugs
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/25/2010 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gail

I am in Australia, so yes we are in winter but it is pretty mild so far, quite bearable in the day but colder at night.

Thank you so much for your post to me, it made me feel better about things, it is just a waiting game I guess. I also think the first counsellor gave me a bum steer in telling me to tell my daughter that I am depressed because of her, that only made the whole thing worse but the thing I can't get past is that she is now claiming to be traumatised, a complete fabrication to discredit me as her mother, knowing how hurt I would be. I was never a bad mother and she was never traumatised. I am pretty angry over her claims, as you might have guessed.

I went to the doctor this morning to see if he would change the meds as they're not working but he is reluctant to do that but he has agreed to increase the dose as he said I am on a very low dose (I don't know why) so starting tonight I have to take them morning and night and then see him again in a month and he may increase them again.

You said the same things as my counsellor said to me the other day, that I am grieving for my daughter, that pretty much sums it up but like I have said I am angry as well. The sessions with the counsellor come in lots of 6 and the goverment pays most of it but I have to pay a small amount, so I have three left from the prior counsellor and then my doctor can authorise for me to have more if I need to, I think I will be.

Thanks again for your great post to me Gail, I will try and take a lot of what you have said on board because you certainly make a lot of sense. Keep posting.
Harrington49


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 6/26/2010 3:07 AM (GMT -7)   
dearest karen and all,
 
i have applied to be a moderator. i am still awaiting a reply. i have learn't that this process takes time, albeit i have informed peter yeaterday that i follow a strong mutual reciprocation process. (due to the prolonged time-line.) i realise he is busy, but who isn't. i am actutely aware that karen needs some assistance. hopefully i will know more soon. it has been a very long wait for some and or any response. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/26/2010 3:36 AM (GMT -7)   
jocelyn...
I believe in one thing about Moms....No matter what, they do their best to be a good Mom  and sure, there is a handful that neglect or abuse their kids, but I have found that number to be few.  We all at one time or another hurt our kids' feelings or whatever and sometimes we don't even know it and certainly don't do it on purpose.  Your daughter saying she was traumatized sounds to me like the words of a counselor....counselors are quick to say stuff like that.  Then the kid points the finger at Mom.  Of course that makes you angry, especially when you know otherwise.   The important thing is to hang on to the fact that you know you were a good Mom and probably created many good memories for your daughter.
Right now she is choosing to hang onto negative stuff...try not to let it get to you too much.  As I said, this all sounds like it is coming from a counselor.  My okdest son recently sent me an email, saying he realized that at times in his childhood I was not the best Mom ( I was raving, unmedicated bipolar....once I got on meds I settled down), but as an adult he chose to think of all the happy times I created for him, and that was how he thought of me...a good Mom.  Made me cry.  (happy cry).  Your daughter has a choice to make either to hold onto this idea that you tramatized her or to let it go, and let the happy times surface, so you two can have a good relationship.  At this point, try not to take what she says too seriously. No matter whar you were the best Mom you could be.  When one is angry usually there is a feeling underneath the anger.  Anger is a great cover up emotion,  because usually under it is hurt, frustration, rejection, sad or a host of other emotions.  I think you are deeply hurt by your daughter's accusations.  Maybe her anger is fueled by by one of these emotions.  whatever in the end of all this, you and your daughter will end up forging a new relationship which will probably be a whole lot better.
 
I am glad your doc increased your meds.  You will not see an immediate effect.  Yakes awhile for the new dosage to kick in.  Sounds like you have a much better counselor this time around.  I hop you get more sessions.  It is important that you learn to have compassion for yourself ( you have been thru a lot) and deal with all  the feelings (as painful as they may be) you are having.
 
Not much news here.  Except I am having a terrible time sleeping at night.  Don't know how or why...I take enough meds at night to put an elephant to sleep!!  I also tend to sleep walk which often has me doing really off the wall things.
Well, talk to you later.  Hang in there. You are going to be OK.
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/26/2010 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Horse Crazy,

Do you take ambien? My husband and I both do. He does all kinds of stuff in his sleep. It is funny sometimes. Especially when we have conversations. lol... I sleep well on it. I get a restful sleep usually. But they are generic and they keep changing the way that they look. There is one that I can only take half of because it makes me so groggy in the morning.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/26/2010 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen... I used to take ambien, but I started sleepwalking and doing really crazy things.  Like I smeared the cat with salsa; same cat (she is a calico) I colored all her white spots with permanent marker, so she had red, green and blue spots; I would try to eat non-food items, like a piece of cardboard covered in butter...anyway, the doc decided that ambien was not for me!!!  However, I did love it...put me right to sleep (until I started sleepwalkng); now I take klonopin for sleep and it works so-so.  I have had problems staying asleep which accounts for my middle of the night postings.
Gail
Horse Crazy
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 6/26/2010 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
ROF**** HorseCrazy,

That is too funny. Though it may not have been at the time for you. I got a kick out of that story. Your poor cat.

Have a great day!!!

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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