No grandma, the sky is NOT purple, it's grey.

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SuNeJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/22/2010 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't get it.  Why is all the most CRAZIEST THINGS...happening this week?  Where do I start?
 
Let's see I'm going to keep my social life out of this post just because it's going to take up too much space...
 
Family.  Oh what a messy family I have...  Since the beginning of 2010 I've had SIX PEOPLE die in my family.  Okay 5 people...but 6th counting the baby crow in my backyard that i named Charlie who died last week.  First:  My uncle died after being in a long coma.  His funeral was the first time I'd ever seen a... dead body.  I cried a lot that day.  Second: My grandfather on my mom's side.  I flew to Edmonton to be at his funeral which was one of the most saddest things i'd ever experienced.  I cried a lot that day too.  Third: My grandfather's sister...very sad as well because I saw her pretty often.  I cried a lot that day too.  Fourth: My Aunt's brother....Very sad funeral AS WELL because he was only 52 and still had two kids and a wife.  FIFTH:  My cleaning lady's husband died of cancer.. I didn't attend the funeral but it was still sad because he left behind a 12 year old son and a wife.  And 6th:  The crow named Charlie.
 
Three of these people were on my mother's side of the family and she has been under so much stress lately.  It still hasn't been able to sink in that her father had died.  She's been doing all the paper work for my grandmother and it has taken up so much time, and my mother can't take it anymore.  And to add to the stress?  My grandmother on my dad's side is very very sick and has about 6 months to live at the most.  This is the worst yet, because I knew her much better than the rest of the 6 that died. 
 
UNFORTUNATELY, my father does not get along with my grandmother (his mom) very much because they fight a lot.  Little do both of them know, that they are both verry similar and both VERY DIFFICULT TO TALK TO.  My grandmother says very offensive things to people without thinking...She will Literally try to convince u that the sky is purple without any common sense or logic whatsoever.  But she's my grandmother, and she's not going to be here for very long, what can i do?   And my dad?  He needs HELP.  He says he hates my grandma yet has NO IDEA that he is just as bad as her.  All my life, him and my mom have never gotten along.  They fight, and fight, and fight till the end.  And it always ends in my dad walking out and sometimes he will even pack his things and leave for a week or two.  Yet they've still been married for over 30 years!  Which leads me to last night...
 
Yesterday my sister was driving in the car with me and my mom...She was going to be late for one of her summer courses she was taking at a college...and there was no parking nearby except for the pay parking (which was like 3$) so she quickly parked and paid and walked with her heavy load towards the college while me and my mom got out of the car to go walk to the sky train station to meet my dad at his car (we were supposed to be driving home from there)....UNFORTUNATLY when my mom informed my dad about the news about my sister having to pay 3$ for parking...my dad went CRAZY.  He began screaming and began accusing my mother and saying "Ur telling me out of all the parking spaces, u cudnt find parking, and u PAIDD?" And on and on he went...Screaming, like a little boy who just lost his toy (money).  And on top of that he was DRRIVING!!!  LIKE A MAD MAN.  Living for 15 years with my parents and their shouting ...i never really understood as a kid what they were saying but the older I get...the more i realize how STUPID it really is.  I then ...out of no where blurted out for them to "Shut up and stop acting like a bunch of teenage girls!"  I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHOLE ARGUMENT WAS OVER A darn PARKING SPOT FOR 3$?????!!!  And we're not even THAT financially messed up!!   I didn't mean to intrude like that but i cudnt stand the way he was screaming at my mother like she was a pathetic and stupid liar...He got out of the car and had a MELTDOWN.  The most UNBELIEVABLE thing i have ever seen anyone do.  He also began QUESTIONING my mother about her parenting...IN FRONT OF ME!!  I cudnt believe it!  I then realized...that something isnt right.  My friends' dads arent like this, are they?   Dads arent supposed to act like that, are they?  Do dads scream at their wife and child for spending 3$ on a parking spot?  I then stopped and realized...he's got a sick and twisted obsession with money.  I felt like he defended 3$ over his wife and kids.  So last nite he packed his stuff...and he left for a hotel  ( Ironic...he dusnt want us spending money.)   I know I sound really inconsiderate in this paragraph about my dad but...I was just so tired of it!! I'm tired of everything. 
 
And...that's still not it.   My mom this morning woke up without him next to her side for the third time in her life and realized...we've got a big problem.  my Grandma on my mom's side (who just lost her husband aka my grandfather)  is coming to our city.  IN A WEEK.  And my dad isn't living with us.  And knowing my grandmother...she gets very scared when finding out about divorces, or seperation, and it wud really affect her health :( And on TOP OF THAT...my OTHER GRANDMOTHER (who my dad shud be taking care of...) is coming over to our house to SEE my other grandma ...Now my grandma on my dad's side ALSO gets very scared when hearing about seperation and divorce...and she is VERY sick and it cud shorten her life if she gets anymore stressed...So my mom started thinking...how do we do this?  Do we hide it?  Do we lie, and say he's on a business trip?  WHAT DO WE DO???  And wat do i do with a father who doesnt want to admit he has anger management issues?  And how do i cope with a mom who just had family members die and is taking care of BOTH my grandmothers because my dad is too lazy to help out?
THIS IS JUST TOOO MUCHHHH :(
 
Anyone with advice..it'd be greatly appreciated
Thanks, Suzy Nell J.
Ps.  I guess this means no friends over this summer, right? 
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 6/22/2010 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Suzy,

You shouldn't have to take this burden on. This is your parent's problem. Your dad did get upset over nothing, I wonder if there is just a lot of stress in his life right now and that was the meltdown point??? I am sorry that you have to see your parents fight. But sweetie, let your mom and dad work this out. You could offer suggestions, but don't stress over it. You shouldn't have to deal with this. And as for friends over the summer, I am sure that you will have them. The summer is just beginning. You still have two full months.

Talk to your mom. Let her know that you are aware of the situation. See where it takes you from there. Maybe this could get your mom and dad to sit down and talk things out. Knowing that this is effecting you like it is.

Know that we are all here for you right now. And always.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


SuNeJo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 6/22/2010 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen. I know that these are their fights, but i dont know how to not feel like it still affects me and my sister. And it's not just fights with my mom, he fights with me too. Its like he traps u and then he decideds when he's allowed to end the fight by walking out or saying " i cant talk to u anymore...ur in a bad mood" ...When really he's the one who was screaming. And I cant help but wonder how my whole family is goingn to have to pretty much lie to my grandmothers. It's going to be tough but...I mean it's a lot :S

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 6/22/2010 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sure that it will all work out. Maybe he will come home before your grandmothers get there. I am sure that it will be awkward at first, but I think everybody will work together to make it run smoothly. Try not to worry about it too much. Just help your mom through it. She is probably under a lot of stress right now. And your sister. Being there for them is the best that you could do right now. See if your mom wants to talk about it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/22/2010 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Suzy

Let your parents sort it out darling, I agree with you that your dad does have severe anger management problems. Maybe its his work worrying him? I would be supporting your mum as much as possible during these tough times, remember she is grieving, maybe your dad is too in his own way.

Just be there for your mum, she really needs you and your sister to be the strong ones that she can lean on, keep your chin up. I am sure your summer will turn out okay, you never know what is around the next corner.

Keep posting Suzy as you know we care about you, especially Karen and I.
Harrington49

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