Just having a hard day

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/14/2005 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I know I just keep coming back for help and not helping like I would like to do. I am having such a hard time. I'm trying my best to be strong, but sometimes it's so hard. I feel like people are counting on me being the frame that holds the house up and I feel like I'm falling...
 
My marriage is on the rocks, but honestly I should have taken care of things a long time ago. My son (14) is having major problems. I feel like I am parenting alone and keeping him and his dad from yelling at each other, saying mean things all day...
 
I try and keep as good of a relationship with my son as I can because I want him to know he is loved. I tell him he may not agree with my decisions, but I am his parent and I do what I think I need to do to keep him safe.
 
I feel bad for my husband. I know he is a good person at heart. There are alot of problems though. He says he loves me so much, but then he goes and does something that totally blows any allowance of trust. I just don't know.
 
At work my boss counts on me because she feels I am one of the strong ones. She knows I have been having problems lately so she's trying not to overload me, but no matter what I feel overloaded.
 
I know its probably just a bad day. I don't get much private time. I should be working right now. I figured they would get better work out of me today if I just got this out. I hate sitting here at work crying. People come up to your desk...anyway...gotta go. Thanks for listening.
 
Terri
Terri B
 
 


seekingsupport
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/15/2005 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   

 

     Hi Terri,   I know exactly what you're going through. I have been married for 12 yrs., have two wonderful kids, but find myself depressed every day.  My oldest is always butting heads with his father.  I feel like a referee, and think I actually have 3 kids not 2. My husband also has a good heart and means well, I think we are just on different pages.Naturally everything is my fault in the marriage. I also believe he is in denial that I would go forward and file, but I don't know how much longer I can continue like this.I depend on him financially too. I do work parttime,my most of my earnings go to the therapist , meds. or gas to cart the kids around. Everytime I am on my way home I get depressed and cry.  The atmoshpere in which I live is very ugly. I take responsibility for some of the shortcomings of the marriage but he has also contributed. We never communicate unless we have to and when we do it is always in the form  of arguing. I  have been considering divorce for quite some time. Met with a couple of lawyers to get an idea of costs etc., that was 4 months ago.  Can't bring myself to uproute  the kids.  Cannot afford to stay where we currently are.  The thought of transferring the kids to another school system also tears me apart.

              I believe I have done all that I can to control my emotions but to no avail.  I have tried a therapist, several meds. and went to a program to learn CBT. However, I still can't get out of this rut.  This has been ongoing for a long time.  Before x-mas I experienced anxiety which freaked me out. I had such pain in my chest, neck and shoulders, I couldn't concentrate on anything. It did have an impact on my performance at work too.  Fortunatly my boss was very patient.

             This illness is so overwhelming.  I don't understand how it can bring me down like it does.  I am so grateful that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, healthy kids, etc., but it is hard to get out of that black hole at times.

             It has helped tremendously to vent.Thank-you. It is somewhat of a relief to know that other people experience this too.I have a great family to support me, but unless you go through this I don't think you can fully understand what the person is dealing with.

       When you're at your worst, try to remember you are not alone! I hope things will get better for you.

                                      Laine

 

        


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/15/2005 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
SeekingSupport,
 
Thank-you so much for your response. It means alot to know there are other people out there in the same situation. I actually have a good therapist. She knows that I post when I need someone to talk to. She is helping me set boundries at home and in life...If I can make it through these tough times without giving into the depressive times I will make it out of this rut with her help.
 
I hope we can talk again. I have to get ready for school and find a way to hide my swollen eyes...
 
Thanks again...
 
Terri
Terri B
 
 


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 1/15/2005 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Terri (and yes, you too Laine)

I'm sure you believe in taking the car to the garage if you hear the exhaust grumbling, cleaning your house windows if they are dirty, fixing a leak in the roof or clearing out the gutters....well, there's no point in beating yourself up over the fact that you need to vent and can't be all things to all people, everybody deserves a bit of downtime to get some maintenance done !  yeah You're absolutely right to allow yourself a little time off from working to destress in your hour of need...it's an investment in yourself. (He that is ill to himself is no good to anybody.)

nono   It sounds to me like you guys are struggling on under enormously difficult circumstances, and you need to give yourselves more credit. Me, I've never been married, never raised kids.... never even qualified for the racetrack you guys are trying to jump the hurdles on.

You can only be responsible for your mistakes, not for everybody else's. You'd give them the credit for their achievements, wouldn't you ? Well, being able to admit that they screw up is the flip side of that coin, and letting them know it when they do is as important as giving them praise. (You could try a book called "Psychocybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz, M.D. if you want some more in-depth ideas on how people adjust their ideas and attitudes.)

The " I feel [this way] because you say [something] which makes me think you [have an attitude]" recipe is a great way of dealing with misunderstandings...amongst strangers and work colleagues. It's hell to train your family to do though ! (Particularly us men, I'm afraid. And even more, if it's like father, like son... eyes  Constructive Criticisms'R'Not Us !)

Seems to me though - forgive me if I'm out of order here, I know I've no personal first-hand experience but I've watched friends and family struggle with the issue - if there is no trust in a relationship, then it is built on sand, and will not survive floods. If you think I'm wrong to say this, I'm sorry, feel free to vent, I had no intention to offend...it's just the view from afar. Whether right or wrong, who knows ?

Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/15/2005 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Snohare -

The problem is, I know my answer...but am not ready to give into it yet. Maybe I didn't say that right. I still love him, but I don't think he is good for me, or I'm not convinced that he is. I need to work through some issues because I've messed up before and I need to understand what happened and what to do next time. I am learning alot. Some days though I feel like throwing it all away and giving up. Dying seems so easy sometimes. I know its not as easy as it seems at the time, but even so...Well, I'm being called to parenthood downstairs..Gotta go. Laine - Snohare does have some good ideas...

Talk to you later..

 

Terri

 

 


Terri B
 
 


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/17/2005 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Who Am I?

smurf  

I am a girl whose mother gave her up for a man

A girl who who no one wanted

 

I am a girl who always tried to exceed expectations

To not be abandoned

 

I am a girl who will never forget the violence

Violence from a man who said he loved her

Who said she made him angry

 

I am a girl who always thought she was a survivor

Would always remember and have strength

Who would take care of her family

Love them and not leave them

 

I am woman who wants to feel worthy,

Smart, loving and kind

Who wants to feel strong again Not hurt herself

Be confident, admirable, and considerate

 

I am a woman longing for the day

When sadness no longer surrounds her

A day when she can let go of the pain

Live in the present

Look forward to the future

 

I am a woman who wants to love and be loved

Without pain, anger or violence

Not be abandoned

Be respected

And be happy


Terri B
 
 


seekingsupport
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/18/2005 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   

   snohare,

             no need to apologize, there was no offense taken. Actually, I really appreciate your inspiriational words and your kindness. You hit the nail on the head. There is no trust what-so-ever in the relationship. Yet I am frieghtened to proceed any further. To afraid of the unknown, yet the wounds throughout the years have never healed.       

           Thanks for taking the time to correspond it means a great deal.    

                                Laine                                       


seekingsupport
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/18/2005 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   

 

            sadgirl2,

                      did you write "who am I"?  WOW!  Very powerful and moving. Can't find the words to describe how much of an impact it has had on me. Thanks for sharing it.     

                     Hope you are having a good day! :-)

                                    Laine


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/18/2005 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so glad Laine!
 
:-)  
Terri B
 
 


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/20/2005 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I want you all to know I have made some strides this week even though parts of it were painful. My son needed some tough love for a few days but out of it came the son I know. I have to "reel him in" every once in a while....
 
My husband is trying so hard to make me happy. He bought me my favorite flowers, washed my car, there has been no yelling, sarcastic hurtful remarks. He's listening to me.
 
Time to get back to work...talk to you later,
 
Terri
Terri B
 
 


xFaith1978
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/22/2005 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm new around here. Just thought I'd make a post here.

Sadgirl,

I can really understand the situation you're in. I'm not old enough to be married and have children, and I'm still in school, but I can definitely put myself in your shoes and understand. We all have our bad days though... but good luck to you. Just don't forget that there are so many people who are feeling the same way.

(And by the way, I really thought your poem was great too!)

-Kristen

snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 1/23/2005 1:18 AM (GMT -7)   
You know, it may seem a senseless process to you guys, what you are going through, but from my point of view, it is truly illuminating. I have been "sensible" and "cautious" all my life about entering into relationships, thinking often that if I was not to survive my depression then why expose others to the inevitable grief and emotional baggage; or quite simply, that the circumstances were not right, so I could "see the writing on the wall". As is so typically human, my opinions were informed by my fears.
Thus have I discarded love at first sight, and love at a distance. At last, (too late perhaps) I have come to see that what matters is not just how the world is, but also how the world may become. We none of us know what the morrow brings; oftentimes the world changes and with it, the writing on that ubiquitous wall.
Reading the posts here, I see closer up just how much we can achieve despite the struggles - or perhaps because of them - we have to grow into our situation in the world, and cope with the people in our everyday lives.
I couldn't come up with such poetry, such heartfelt vulnerability. You know why ? I'm good with words. But you guys - you are teaching me the meaning of tenderness.
KOKO !

Ralph
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 1/23/2005 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
You are hitting the nail on the head, snohare.

When I was young, I always felt unable to live up to the expectations of my peers. Never had the fun I should have had. Never tasted the adventure of growing into manhood.

My fear of doing something wrong or inappropriate in my teens led me to be a "good boy". There wasn't much character building going on. I seemed everyone else was growing in leaps and bounds, while I was finding myself more and more introspective.

In reading this thread I learn so much about my personal depressive state. You must seize the day, the opportunity, the chance to live life in your eyes, not others.

In the success that I have had in getting to my senior years, I still look back on what could have been. This can't be a healthy mental exercise. We should not dwell on the past, but look to the future day by day, one simple act at a time.

And now, after those words of wisdom, I must go help my wife withe the annual scrubbing of our refrigerator. yeah

Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 1/23/2005 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   

You all make me smile. I had a really tough day yesterday and am feeling it today. My son thought my husband had broke his paintball gun in an effort to load the Co2. They got into it and I had to separate them. My husband went for a walk while I was talking to my son who could not let go of the "fact in his head" that his dad had broke his new favorite toy. I guess my husband didn't walk far because our conversation disturbed him more and he burst the front door open, pounding on the door and walls. I told him he had to stop or leave. (This is the first time I have had the guts to tell him). He stopped. I took my son out for a walk and sent him out with his friends to talk about it and cool off.

They are doing better. My husband of course is sorry. And I am left with the residual.

Somehow out of all of this good things will happen.

Keep writing. Please. It helps so much.

 

 

 


Terri B
 
 


Cammiejo
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/23/2005 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
smurf  WOW
 
 Who am I.... That is something I have no words to discribe how I feel about that But I want to thank you because I do not know were to start. I am new Thank you
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 04, 2016 1:40 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,664 posts in 301,041 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151200 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, MartiG.
332 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Michael_T, Hachiko, yancync, Mad Martha, lymedriven, ks1905, Mustard Seed, Randy Eichner, An38, Broncofan18, Peter A


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer