Is it me, or them?

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ipodearbuds
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/24/2010 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I will try and keep this brief. I've noticed that I am prone to bouts of depression--sometimes they last a few days or a week and then i am fine for another month or so, but other times I am depressed for a long time--like a month or two. During my times of depression I simply feel like my school work, my writing and my actions in life in general are pointless. I feel like people don't appreciate me, so I feel like i've done nothing to be appreciated for. My family says I don't do anything--They BELIEVE i don't do anything. But I feel like I do--I run my moms errands and take my grandma to the doctor and take my sister to volleyball practice and i keep the house in decent shape. I feel like i do enough--i don't do everything, but by no means is it nothing. Am I being taken for granted? or Am I Delusional.

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 6/24/2010 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ipodearbuds

Welcome to the HW Depression Forum we will try and help you as much as we can.

It sounds to me like you are doing your fair share of stuff around the house. I think taking your grandmother to her doctor's appointments is really good. Do you point out to your parents what you have done or are doing? It would probably be better not to argue with them but rather speak in a quiet tone of voice and tell them politely how you are pulling your weight around the house. What does you sister do?

As for the depression, I don't know. You don't sound like you have low self esteem, in fact you sound like a really normal teenager but one who does more than normal around the house. Have you thought of speaking to your school counsellor about your depression? Do you know what triggers it? I don't think you are being taken for granted or delusional. I think probably both your parents are working and they probably haven't noticed just how much responsibility they have put on you. Do you think that is the case? I think as you get older, the responsibility will become more, I'm sorry to say.

I probably haven't given you any answers to your problem but I hope you will keep posting, have a talk to your school counsellor and let us know how you are going.
Harrington49


-Misunderstood-
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 6/25/2010 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey ipodearbuds, I think I may have a few things that could help. Firstly I know what it is like to have bouts of depression (usually for me its more like sporadic bouts of happiness in the depression) and I know what it can do to your personal point of view on basically everything and everyone. I have been going through a bit of a time here recently and havnt posted on the site recently until tonight...I didnt because I felt like it didn't matter, like what I said wouldn't help, or even to the point where I felt like I didn't care. All I could suggest for that is to try to pinpoint the source or catalyst of the periods of depression, once that is found you will be able to notice it happening and possibly work against it. Even without finding the source of it all, you can consciously begin to train yourself so that you notice when you are spiraling downward...even in the midst of the sadness it is possible to notice that the feeling might not be as necessary as you are thinking, and begin to talk yourself down.

Also as far as being noticed or appreciated by the people around you, that I deal with daily. I very much dislike to tell people of my accomplishments in a manner that would suggest I am looking to them for approval. I know that it is kind of a problem of mine, but it is how I am, and I would rather not be noticed and even thought to be lazy/doing nothing than to launch an attempt to coddle them and frustrate myself trying to convincing them of my worth or what I have been doing. That part of me gets me into many problematic situations like what you are describing(except mine are of my own making*shrugs*). I do hope that you don't have the same inability that I do, because most of the time people are just generally inattentive....to everything. So if you are not making what you are doing clearly apparent, and they seem to be wanting to notice or see you doing whatever it is that they are expecting, it might be a decent idea to just tactfully explain to them exactly what it is that you HAVE done and just preempt any lack of understanding on their part.

I don't think you are delusional at all ipodearbuds, it is just a fact of some people that they need things spelled out for them a little...explained straight so that it is not easily misunderstood by them or they get confused. It doesn't make them bad people in any way, it just might seem that way at times when they are caught up in their ignorance pertaining to you and what they are expecting of you. I think the biggest benefit to that situation would be to have a little more understanding, have patience, little more patience, and when you are finally about to give up...a bit more patience :). Hang in there and give them a chance, give yourself a chance to help them understand you a little better. I think you will do alright.


Christian

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 6/25/2010 6:14:28 AM (GMT-6)


ipodearbuds
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/25/2010 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the posts. I am feeling a little better about my situation now that I have slept on it. I think I need to explain a little more about myself. I am 18, recently graduated from high school and am generally a strong, independent person. My friends or family don't notice my depression because I hide it very well.

Both of my parents work and are busy and need me to run errands for them, my sister, and my grandma. And that is fine--I'm perfectly okay with that responsibility. But they wait to tell me about things I need to do until the last possible second and I am forced to cancel plans with friends. I mentioned this to them and nothing changed so i coped and moved on. But now I just feel like I am running a taxi business, but not getting any payment. Everyone pulls their weight--my younger sister even does her part. But my responsibilities are beginning to compromise my friendships, but only because--time after time, I am forced to cancel plans.

When i explained my problems to my mom last night, I think I only made things a lot worse. She said she would cancel appointments to run errands and wouldn't ask me to do anything else. It was spiteful. She ignored the way my sister had treated me before (long story). And I am angry about it. And thus i turned to this site, because if I call any more attention to the situation, things will get ugly. Last night was a disaster.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 6/25/2010 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
If you can do these errands, I would try to continue. It would be nice if they gave you some notice though when they wanted something done. Maybe before you make plans, you can ask if anybody is going to need anything because you are trying to make some plans. Maybe then they would be a little more respectful of your side of it. It sounds like your mom needs a lot of help right now. You do have your whole life for other things, it sounds like she needs you now. I hope that this made some sense.

Things will get better for you. You are a good person.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ipodearbuds
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/25/2010 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the reply, Karen. I think it just helps to have someone know what I am going through. My mom is really stressed out right now, and I don't mind at all to help her. I think she is working too hard and she won't slow down. She continues to misplace her frustrations on other people, like me and my dad. But she just doesn't seem appreciative and nothing I do seems adequate. I am also worried about when I go away to college in the fall--that both she and my sister will realize that I did do quite a lot, and when I am not there anymore the fragile relationship between the two of them will be further damaged. They both expect so much. I will give it some time to settle down and go back to normal.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 6/25/2010 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sure that once you leave, that they will see how much you have done and hopefully will tell you how much you were appreciated. But you know in your heart that you have been doing the best that you can and that is what matters. And all of your good deeds will be returned though it will be in a different way. I have always believed that what comes around goes around and that good deeds are returned. Like I say though, it will most likely be from somebody else. You really sound like a very good and kind person, and you will get far in life.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ipodearbuds
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/25/2010 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you :)
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