Extreme anger can be the sign of a mood change and part of a agitated depression. However....You also sound very hurt be the actions (or no action) by your friends. It is very hard for a non-depressed friend to truly understand your feelings. I think they try, but when push comes to shove, they just don't "get it" which is very painful for you. When you take a risk to tell a friend your feelings , I don't think they have a clue how "big" that is for you. When they stop communicating with you, not only are you hurt but you can feel very let down. For me, I start in on myself for being sp "stupid" to take that risk to begin with. You need to tell only those you know for sure will understand (like on this board). We have all struggled with the friend issue and have felt anger, sadness, betrayal, disappointment...you name it. Please don't beat yourself up over it. You are human....you have feelings and wanting to connect with others is prefectly normal Depression can be lonely. Enjoy your "normal" friends for what they are, but don't expect them to understand depression ( unless they have a problem with it too). Please be kind to yourself You are a good person (who might have a bit of an anger management issue!!!!) and pounding concrete walls will not help you. It is indeed a scarey feeling to feel like you are losing people. You know, a persom only needs ONE really good friend...a bunch of friends is nice, but usually the connections are superficial. In my darkest moments I can drive my family away with revealing too much of what I am thinking or feeling. They always come back..thank goodness, and maybe your friend just needs to absorb what you confided in her and she will be back.
The hardest part of depression is patience. Keep posting...we are here for you.
Bi-polar I; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg