Can anyone help me get over this boyfriend situation?

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Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 7/3/2010 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Somedays I feel very sad. My bf who broke up with me in November kinda ended up using me. We started talking again and hanging out again, then about 2 mos ago he randomly stopped talking to me. I did nothing.

I guess I just don't really understand why he stopped talking to me. Then I see him post pictures of his girl friends on facebook because he knows that i will see that, and i think hes trying to make me jealous. Why won't he just talk to me? Why do guys promise things but they lie? We clearly were on good terms to be friends, but I guess I was wrong?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/3/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,
 
I don't know why guys seem to do that.  They will keep you hanging by a thread if you let them.  Nothing personal guys.  But I think women are more into romance and being together, where guys just do their own thing.  As the mood strikes them. 
 
It does sound like he is trying to make you jealous.  Quit being so avaliable to him, let him come to you.  See if that works.  Try it for awhile.  Men want to do the persueing, though he sounds like he is playing hard to get.  I would try to occupy your mind, forget about him for awhile.  When he comes back, and he will, make it on your terms.  Don't make him top priority.  I bet he will be calling you more.  If that is what you want.  Even as just a friend. 
 
I hope that this helps you some.  He is taking control of the relationship by trying to make you jealous.  Don't let him do that.  But if that is the case, it shows that he still cares.  He wants to get a reaction out of you.  Don't let him.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 7/3/2010 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Taryn,
I'm not sure, but I'm wondering whether he might have some issues of his own. Like I said, I don't know him at all but I'm wondering whether it might be a similar situation to a guy I once dated. My friends noticed some of the issues when we were first dating, but I thought he was fine. As I started to deal with the depression & get healthier, I became less attractive to him. I wanted to get out & do more things & he always wanted to be very low key & sit around and talk all the time. Eventually he said maybe we could go back to being friends & he did stay in touch for a bit but eventually stopped going anywhere I would go. But he would still share stories about his new girlfriends with our mutual friends & it would end up getting back to me.

At first I couldn't understand it. After a while I told my friends I didn't want to hear about those things. They were respectful of that. One of them really helped me out by letting me know that that was just the guy's style. That he was very insecure & felt that he seemed cooler if people were constantly hearing about all the "hot girls" he was dating after we broke up. I'll probably never know for sure, but that does seem to have a ring of truth after seeing him break up with another girl he dated for a while since we broke up and do exactly the same thing.

People aren't perfect. It's a shame he's dealing with this in such a public way, but I would say to stay off his facebook page, remove him as one of your "friends" and let your other friends (live or facebook) know that you aren't interested in his updates. Whatever his deal is, you need time to heal. Constantly being exposed to those updates is keeping you from being able to live a full & happy life.

I don't know what will happen with him in the future. If it were me, I would need a break for quite some time from someone who was hurting me so much -- regardless of whether it was intentionally or unintentionally. You might just need a bit of a break from dating altogether -- maybe plan to just spend time building your good friendships for 3 months or so. Don't worry about guys at all for a bit.

I do believe that somehow, some day you will find lasting love. This is one step in that process. Yes, it is a very painful step but it does move you closer to finding true love. Hang in there. Keep taking it day by day. And know we are here to help in whatever way we can.

hugs & prayers,
frances

Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 7/3/2010 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Frances,

Thank you very much. Your story has helped me. I did delete him from my Facebook page the other week-And it was because i didn't want to keep seeing all his updates and I didn't want him to see mine either and know my business.

I think you're right about taking a break. Ive been very concerned w/ getting a new boyfriend but i think ill just sit back and have fun for a while. Im only in my early 20s. Thank you again.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 7/3/2010 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
sounds like a good plan. :)

take care!
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