What to do when your dating someone who is depressed?

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stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/4/2010 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
hello, ive been dating this girl for  more then four months right now who suffers from major depression and extreme anxiety.when we stared she was in a really hard time extremely suicidal but shes getting better slowly now shes suicidal sometimes and no where as intense as before.we have become best friends or so i think because her moods are up and down on a good day she loves me and on a bad day she just says I don't know.this is making me go trow an emotional rolor coaster that im not used to.i want to be with her because i care about her and get along really well and we share a strong conection and trust each other.Now i dont kow what to do because if i keep dating her will she get better  and if yes will she then just see me as a friend more then a partener.im all confused someone please help. if you need more info please ask dont hold back

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 7/5/2010 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stanley

Welcome to the HW Depression Forum.

First of all does your girlfriend take any medication for her depression and suicidal thoughts? Is she under a mental health professional as well? If she isn't then she obviously should be and you should get her to a doctor asap.

I think she is very lucky to have you in her life. I think it is going to be a matter of taking each day as it comes and don't be too hard on yourself or her when she is having bad days and says she isn't sure if she loves you or not, don't take that to heart too much. If she is receiving treatment then no doubt she will get better as the medication controls her depression and thoughts.

The best advice I can give you is to be patient, love her the way she is like you say you do, and take baby steps, each day at a time.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going, I wish you all the best of luck.
Harrington49


stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/5/2010 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah she has been on many different medications but the would keep switching it becasue everytime she would get these major anxiety meltdown attacks and then she would go see her doctor and he would be like oh man well you never should have been on that dose here try this...and she get therapie once an a while but she never keep a therapist for more then one session because she doesnt ''like'' him or her for stupid reasons like he has a lispe or something.and then she complains that therapie doesnt work when she wont give it time or a chance.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/5/2010 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
She has to get herself better, you can't do that. You can support her but the rest is up to her. It does take time, so be patient. Just encourage her to continue counseling and to take her meds.

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/5/2010 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stanley,
Firstly, your girlfriend is very lucky to have you,who is loving her and supporting her through the troubled times. I believe the first step towards helping her has been taken and that is her having a friend and a lover.
She needs to find a therapist who she can continue with as jumping from one to another will only be exhausting for her and wouldn't do much good,possibly you could tell her to try and stick to one for more than one session,and try to work it out.
Her negative thoughts might be triggered by something,maybe you could try to keep a track of that.
You are doing a great job by supporting her and taking care of her,your support would surely make it better for her.
But she will have to also try to handle it independently as the more she would grow Dependant on you it would be harder for her in later times. She won't be healing but forgetting about her troubles. Once she is stable you could convince her for a regular counselling so she can get herself stronger.
With your love and support I'm sure you both will go a long way.


Take Care of her and yourself,
Annie
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/5/2010 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much all of you guys.Im trying my best I love her very deeply and will keep you posted.Sometimes i need some encouragement to!
Thank you

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/5/2010 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
That is what we are all here for, to support eachother.

Glad that you have joined us.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/5/2010 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
what do i need to do not to become depressed during this?

harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 7/5/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stanley

If you keep supporting her the way you are, encouraging her and loving her and you can manage to keep on top of things then you should be okay. But if you find yourself being pulled down then I would probably speak to the doctor as well but I would leave that as the last resort.

You are doing a great job and like I said, she is lucky to have you but be careful not to suffocate her, let her do some things on her own, her way because if you make her too dependent on you, then that will surely affect you as well.

I hope I have been of some help and have encouraged you a little. Keep posting.
Harrington49


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/6/2010 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stanley,

I think Harrington is right. If this becomes too hard for you, talk to your doctor. In the meantime, keep supporting her.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sea glass
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/6/2010 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Stanley,

I am in a 15 year relationship with someone that I WISH was as understanding and caring as you. My husband wouldn't dream of posting here to get advice on supporting me. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you! From your posts, it sounds like she may still be looking for the right med combination and a good therapist- both extremely important. Especially if she has mentioned suicide. 

My advice to you would be to continue to encourage her to get well and find a dr. who can help.  And remember that people with depression, anxiety, mood swings, can be very unpredictable. If you get upset when she is down, it may cause her to feel more depressed. Maybe when you see her in that state of mind, give her a big hug, tell her you care about her and you are here if she needs you and then give her some space. Take a walk or whatever you like to do and remind yourself that this is a real problem and that you are not the cause of it nor can you fix it. If she is open to the idea, maybe suggest she find a therapist and go a few times and then you go for an appointment too so that you can understand what she is going thru.

I hope that everything works out for the two of you. You sound like a great person! Keep us posted on how things are going.

Take care,

DK

 


stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/11/2010 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
how do i know when im being to much because she says i worry to much,but then the odd time that she has an attack or something i dont have my phone on me.what do i do so she doesnt think im obsesive,that i just care?

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/11/2010 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Has she been checked for bipolar? My sister is like that and she is bipolar and has depression.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem


stanley
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/11/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah she diagnost with major depression and severe anxiety

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/11/2010 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
The best thing that you can do is just be there when she needs you. Be yourself. Don't obsess over things. Go with the flow.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/11/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
maybe couple counceling. you can say you got some problems and you want her there for you. she will feel important and maybe after going with you a few times, sh will start talking too
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

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