New member: Unsuccessful at every attempt to make life better looking for genuine support

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PurplePurple
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/7/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I am approaching my late twenties and think that I have had depression for most of my life.  It is extremely embarassing to me, and I have never been treated, probably because I know that such labels stick and I do not want to be known as unstable or placed on medication.  I had hoped that not recognizing the problem would reduce it, and sometimes it does.  However, I am feeling the same kind of hopelessness I did in high school when ending the suffering by swallowing a bottle of pills seemed like a good idea.  (I am not suicidal enough to act on it...just trying desperately to prevent getting there.)  The agency of adulthood helped me find hope, motivation, and purpose, but in recent years I have lost all that.  (Snapshot: my father-figure grandpa died of cancer about the same time I moved to New York from Texas, struggled to succeed in an unfunded PhD program at an Ivy League, I 'quit' school with a masters degree in social science which is absolutlely useless in finding a job, and am now saddled with major debt.  In fact, my biggest issue right now is probably career failure and trying to figure out how to get back on track without filial or friend support networks, and little money to invest in career/educational development.)
 
Due to cost and time constraints, I have never attempted to speak to a professional until several months ago when I attempted to use my husband's EAP benefit to find a licensed psychologist at the doctoral level.  This allows 5 free (to me) sessions.  No one in my area could accept new patients.  (Yes, this seems odd to me too.)  I tried once since then, and ended up wasting an hour on the phone with a guy who gave me the same contact names as the psychologists who rejected me previously.  After that I decided to spend time trying to deal with my issue myself rather than ineffective bureaucracy. 
 
I suspect that if I could work out the career issue, other things would work themselves out, but after a year of being on the job market, I have had only a couple interviews and even been rejected from internships.  Every rejection is crushing and makes it that much harder to keep going, and in fact I do not even know why I am in my field anymore...so maybe I should deal with this depression thing.  But I still need help, so here I am.  Encouragement and constructive thoughts greatly appreciated.  Thanks for reading this far.
--Purple

myjoy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 686
   Posted 7/7/2010 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Guess I'm a little surprised in this day and age to find someone who is embarrassed about having depression problems. I have always worn it as a badge of honor that I have been able to get through stuff that most folks never have to think about.

I would go and make an appointment with a psychiatrist and don't bother with the EAP thing. You have had depression so long, it will more than likely take a few more sessions than 5 anyway.

Please know that you are not alone. We are here for you. It's time to get the help you need. Take care.....
DX fibromyalgia 2007, osteoarthritis, obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, hysterectomy.

fluoxetine (prozac), abilify, trazodone, lorazepam, nabumetone, hydrocodone, c-pap machine.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/7/2010 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Purple,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.  Here you will find support and encouragement.  I am happy that you have joined us. 
 
Maybe you should get ahold of the people that they recommended and see what happens.  It couldn't hurt anything. 
 
I think dealing with depression for as long as you have might be an inclination that you could use medications.  I Know that you don't want to, but they have helped many of us. 
 
I Know that you feel that you would be labeled as a depressed person, but there are many in society today.  And many that do not have options to get treatment.  So take advantage of what you have. Maybe talk to your family doctor about this.  He/she could prescribe you medication that you need.
 
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


PurplePurple
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/7/2010 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your posts Karen & My joy!

For me right now, there is more to lose than gain with medication. And I'm not sure if therapy would work, which is why I wanted to try it out and get myself to commit to at least 5 sessions. I think what I really need is to speak to someone who can help me figure out how to (re)build strong social networks. Does anyone know what type of specialist does this kind of treatment? (a PsyD with training & practice in social psychology?)

I also don't have a real job, so making a long term commitment is difficult.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 7/7/2010 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Purple,

Don't defeat yourself before you have started. With every suggestion, you have a reason not to do it. This is negative thinking and that doesn't help you. Try the medications before you make a decision, same with the counseling. I have a site that might help you and that is free. I will post it for you.
 
 
This site is totally free and other members have said that it has helped them.  You can do it on your own time at your leisure.  Please do check it out.  I have not been there myself, but have had good comments from other members who have.
 
I know that when you are depressed everything seems so far away and difficult.  Try to take life one day at a time and take these suggestions one thing at a time.  Talk to your family doctor and see what he/she suggests for you.  You have to take some steps to get better.  And remember that we are all behind you and want to see you feel better.
 
Best wishes for a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 7/7/2010 12:35:25 PM (GMT-6)


PurplePurple
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/7/2010 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your suggestions, Karen. Although I disagree with your initial analysis ;-), I really appreciate external feedback while I am figuring out what to do with this therapy thing. I have completed the first activity on the site, and think something on the lines of interactional therapy is more what I am seeking. The presentation seems targeted to an ingenuous audience, but I think it may help. Thanks for sharing!

I am certain that meds are not the way for me right now (and would be happy to explain why to interested parties). I am probably in the minority of people who finds a "try it and see if you like it" approach to antidepressants inappropriate. For anyone reading this who is on the fence, please do not let anyone pressure you into sustained medicated therapy without considering all options.

By the way, are there any sociologists or anthropologists out there?

ffks83
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/9/2010 8:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Purple

I can totally relate to the school situation - I have been struggling to complete my Bachelor's degree. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just quit school, but as you have expressed, even a Masters degree will not land you a job and I don't even have a Bachelor's yet. I just keep telling myself to believe that I will complete school soon. I am thankful that I do have a family business that I can fall back on while I'm still in school, but it doesn't pay very much and I'm terrified of going out into the world and finding a job in my field.

I have been suffering from depression for several years now, although I only recently went to seek professional help. I tried so hard to ignore what my gut was telling me because I thought that if I ignored it enough it would go away and I was also afraid of being labeled. It wasn't until my boyfriend of 8 years left me that I went to see a doctor. My family doctor prescribed anti-depressants right away. I too am wary of taking medication and I told him that I would rather see a psychiatrist before considering medication.

I find that talking through my feelings helps a lot and I have chosen not to take medication. I am slowly making connections with friends whom I have distanced myself from over the years - just a phone call here, an email there. Eventually we'll work up to getting together, but now I'm just reliving those days of being the 'new kid in school': reintroducing myself. I agree with Karen, just remember to take one day at a time. If you have some spare time during the day, exercise helps too, even if it is just for 20 minutes.

I sincerely hope you find the help that you are seeking. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

Fiona

hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 7/9/2010 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   

First of all, congratulations on achieving the level of education you have, given your self-assessment of having been depressed for most of your life.  Psychiatrists would consider that to be clinical depression, which is a chemical imbalance in the brain--thus the need for medication.  I'm not a big fan of antidepressants myself, but some people I know absolutely need them.  I think you need to be open minded about all possible remedies for feeling better.

I also wonder if you are at all in touch with your feelings beyond sadness.  Your posts make it obvious that you are a very intelligent person.  Perhaps too smart for your own good.  While you rationalize and dismiss suggestions, you really give no indication of FEELING.  A good psychiatrist will be able to "press your buttons" in order to evoke a gut-level response.  I think this would be more helpful to you than intellectual sparring.

Regarding the job situation, everyone that is out of work is finding it extremely difficult to find a job--any job--regardless of education.  It's simply the way things are right now.  Perhaps you could consider teaching, though that will require some education credits.  Adult education classes will hire based more on job experience in a certain field than education creditentials.

Please try to keep an open mind to all possibilities.  I hope you will soon find a doctor you can trust to help you.

Connie


hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


myjoy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 686
   Posted 7/10/2010 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Good, insightful post, hep.
DX fibromyalgia 2007, osteoarthritis, obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, hysterectomy.

fluoxetine (prozac), abilify, trazodone, lorazepam, nabumetone, hydrocodone, c-pap machine.

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