I've just been feeling really broken lately.. Please help..

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soullessvision
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/12/2010 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi. I've been having emotional problems for the majority of my life. My childhood wasn't that amazing because my dad was away for a few years and I didn't have many friends at all, and being adolescent isn't great either. You see, my dad was away because there were no jobs in Michigan (where I lived) and he got a job in Texas, so I spent my days crying for the most part.

And then we moved to Texas. My family and I have been living here for near 3 years. We left behind my brother, who is age 21.. Another reason I'm sad, I haven't seen him for about 3 years. He's really important to me. But now that I live here, I just feel like I don't know WHO my dad is any more. I don't know who my family is. I don't know where my home is. I don't know who my real friends are.

Not only that, but recently when I went to someone's birthday/slumber party, their brother tried to rape me. Now I'm suspicious that everyone is trying to hurt/rape me. Even my own family, my own father..
And then it hit me: How terrible the world is, how much bad there is, and how there IS no good, everything good is fake and just an illusion. That's how I think
I don't want to live anymore. I think that no one actually loves me, that everything I know is a lie. I think that everyone is trying to hurt me, and I can't take it any more. This sounds really stereotypical, but I literally cry myself to sleep. Everything is overwhelming, and no one understands me. I don't deserve to be understood.

I just want someone to talk to. Someone that will help me just get through this. Please?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/12/2010 4:19:33 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/12/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Soul,
 
Welcome to HealingWell.  I am so glad that you joined us here.  I had to edit your post as we are not suppose to talk about suicide or self harm.  It is against the rules of the forum.  I am sorry though that you are feeling that bad.  It sounds to me like you should get counseling.  It really helps with negative thoughts.  Also if it gets bad, do call 911 or a suicide hotline to talk to somebody.
 
Why is it that you don't like Texas?  Why is it that you feel that your dad has changed?  Let us know what is going on, maybe we could help you. 
 
Know that life can be good.  It isn't all fake.  Though it might feel that way for you right now, there are good things to life, you just have to recognize them and get into them.  So don't give up yet.  Let us try to help you through a healing journey.
 
Did you tell anybody about the boy trying to rape you?  It really should be reported.  He might try to do this to somebody else.  And you don't want that to happen do you?  Tell somebody about this.  I really think that counseling would do you some good right now.  You could use the extra support.
 
Keep us posted on what is going on.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


soullessvision
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/12/2010 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
It's not Texas itself that bothers me, it's the fact that my mother's side of the family lives here. All of them are rather nosy and they just don't seem to understand that I have feelings, too. I just don't like them as much as I should.

I just feel like my dad has changed a lot since we moved from Michigan to live with him. I can't quite put my finger on it, he just isn't the same man.

I really do try my best to enjoy the good things in life, but whenever I do, something bad overpowers that good thing and this has led me to believe that I just can't be happy.. I hope that this will all work out.

I've told three friends so far, (including you), but I haven't told my parents. I guess one thing that has changed about my dad is that he gets really angry really easily. He has right to get angry over this situation of course, but I'm kind of afraid that he would go a little too far in this case.

My aunt is a counselor, but alas, she's on my mother's side of the family and you know how I don't fancy them.. I'll try to get help from a counselor other than her, but I just think it's kind of awkward, sitting there in person and talking to them about extremely personal things. I think I'll stick here for a while, it's much easier to express myself online than it is in real life.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/12/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Soul,
 
Counseling is a good thing.  It is good to express your feelings to an objective person.  And they get paid to listen.  I think it is good if you talk here too.  There are many caring members on this board.  You can get a lot of support here. 
 
Here is a site that might help you too:
 
 
It is free and a lot of people use it.  If that isn't right for you, I know a few teen sites that are good too.  Let me know if you want me to post them.
 
I hope that you start to feel better soon.  It takes time to make friends.  Remember that.  And the ones that it seems to take the longest to make, seem to be the ones that stick with us for the longest time. 
 
Your dad could be under a lot of stress with work right now, that may be why he seems different.  Maybe you could ask one day if he would like to talk about it.  Do you and your dad talk together easily?  It might be something to think about.  How do you and your mom get along? 
 
Keep posting.  Know that we are here for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


soullessvision
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/12/2010 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks a whole bunch for recommending that web site to me, I've just registered an account there and it's really helpful so far.

I constantly worry that I'll never be able to make real friends. Every time I make a new friend, something happens like I have to move away, or they lose interest in me, which makes me feel kind of worthless..

My dad and I don't talk that often, mainly because when he's home he's either on the computer, making an important call, or sleeping. I think you were right about him being under a lot of stress at work. He goes to work early and comes home late at night 5 days of the week, the remaining 2 being days off.

My mother and I get along just fine because we're around each other all day. She's one out of two people that I can get along with at home, the second person being my sister.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/13/2010 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
It is hard making true friends, and honestly if you have one or two, you are lucky.  I have found during the years that people come and go.  But I have a couple of friends that are true, and even if we don't talk to eachother for a long time, we know that we are there for eachother.  So realize that true friends are few and far between.
 
That happens to me too.  I meet somebody and then they move away.  but if they are a real friend, even if they don't keep in touch, you will have contact and you will know that this person is really my friend.  I have many of what I call aquaintances.  That is a peron that I talk to, but not really a close friend.  Like I say, they are few and far between.
 
So don't get discouraged, you will make friends, and it will most likely be when you least expect it.  Don't give up.  And know that we are here for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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