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StuckInWA
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/14/2010 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Two weeks ago I flew from California to Washington state to help care for my parents. I was only supposed to be here for 2 weeks to assist with chores and take them to a couple of doctors appointments. My husband and I are living off of my unemployment checks and I have been trying to find work as quickly as possible because we are barely scraping by financially. The money my husband brings in from working the rare odd job only helps a small amount. I was told I would be financially compensated for my time in Washington. My dad was scheduled to get a pacemaker last Tuesday and he was only going to spend one night in the hospital. There were surgery complications though and now, one week and two more surgeries later, he is still in the ICU and on a ventilator.

The doctor is saying he will be in the hospital for 7-10 more days as they have to clear up a blood infection, get fluid out of his lungs, wean him off the ventilator and generally make sure he's ok. While he is in the hospital, I am taking care of my mom, who is disabled with epilepsy. Since she has mental and psychical limitations, I have to do everything for her and she is starting to drive me nuts. When my dad gets out of the hospital, he will have to go to a nursing home for a few weeks so in that time, I will be taking my mom back to California with me.

I am feeling extremely homesick right now and just generally depressed. As soon as I got to WA, my dad never again mentioned helping out with my finances and avoided the topic when I brought it up. I was supposed to be home by now and looking for work but my older brothers want me to stay here til my dad is out of the hospital. I am worried that our bills won't be paid on time and I'm angry that I can't look for work and line up interviews where I live. My husband and I have no health insurance and I'm terrified that something will happen that will require a doctor. He has already sprained his ankle pretty badly just on our stairs at home.

Even though I get a decent amount of sleep at night, I am very tired during the day and extremely irritable over little things. I broke out in hives for the first time in my life and almost everything my mom says or does makes me want to scream. I almost vomit every day when I have to empty out and clean her portable commode. I go to see my dad at the hospital every morning and in the evening I try to get outside even for a few minutes to have some time to myself. I hate not knowing when I am going to be able to go home and I am incredibly homesick. I feel depressed and have been crying all day... cry shakehead My brothers can't take time off work or be away from their families to relieve me and I am going crazy here...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 7/14/2010 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi StuckinWA,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell Depression Forum!  I am so happy that you have joined us.  We are a good support system with many caring wonderful members.
 
I think that it is time for one of your brothers to step up to the plate.  You aren't the only one that can take care of your mom and dad. 
 
Do you think that maybe your mom needs some in home care?  Or to go to a nursing home?  Is she disabled enough that you think she might be better off there?  I think it is time for a family meeting so that you can get out from under some of this stress.  It is not going to help your depression and can cause many physical ailments. 
 
Talk to them.  You need some help.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/14/2010 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi StuckinWA,  I agree with Karen and the advice she has given you. There is such a thing as the Family emergency and medical leave act. You have two brothers who are the children of your parents. I think you need to tell your brothers that it is time for a family meeting and too bad that they have to work. You need to work too and you have been carrying this heavy burden a long time. Your brothers need to step up to the plate and help out. It may be time for your mother to go to a nursing home. If finances are tight for your parents they can always apply for medicaid, which is state funded and provides for those who don't have sufficient funds to pay for care. I am wondering how old your parents are. If they are 65 they must be on medicare. And if your father has medicare his bills may be taken care of. If your parents are younger than this every state provides medicaid. It just
takes time to apply for the aid and your mother can have a nursing home paid for.
You say she has epilepsy. It sounds like it is quite disabling for her. Have you thought of applying for SSI disability for her? These are all possibilities. The most important thing however, is to get those two brothers of you to get together with you and help out. I took care of my mother for 10 yrs with no help from my sister so I truly understand your position. Please post again and let us know how it is going.
 
Aurora

StuckInWA
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/25/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   
~~Update~~

Since my original post, things have basically gone to hell. My dad recovered and was released from the hospital. One of my brothers had come up to Washington to move my parent's stuff out of the apartment because my dad decided to move back to California. Dad was suppose to go to cardiac rehab in Seattle but refused AMA (against medical advice). He insisted on traveling with us 2 days after his hospital release. Everyone was against it and I don't think my dad had ever been that lectured, advised and yelled at in his life, The family was pissed off at him, his doctors were upset... no one thought he was healthy enough to travel. Sad thing is, if we refused to drive him, he would have found another way to get there.

He didn't make it.

My dad died shortly after crossing the state line into California - his heart gave out and the paramedics couldn't revive him... it was exactly one month ago today... My dad had been the one taking care of my mom and now that he's gone, my mom is in an assisted living facility nearby. She's only been there a few days so far but I hope it works out for her. Overall, I trudged through my month stay in Washington - it was trying and annoying at times, but I am grateful that I got to spend that time with my dad and get some issues resolved between us. In looking back, I wouldn't change a thing about what happened during my stay with mom and dad (except for my dad passing, of course) even though I felt like screaming at the walls in frustration and loneliness.

My husband and I are still without heath insurance and I still haven't found any work. An update was requested and an update has been given. Sorry there is not too much good news...

shakehead

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 8/26/2010 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry for your loss. And the fact that you and your husband have not found work yet. This must be devastating for you right now. But take it one day at a time. Things will get better for you. Things are on the mend.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing because we all do care. You are a wonderful person, never forget that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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