my brave face has dissolved in tears

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/15/2010 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
My son left for Europe this morning. He came over for dinner last night and we had a great time together. I was feeling OK with everything and the 17 days I will be alone. I was out running errands today and saw a blue car, same year & model as my son's and I just broke down. His plane hasn't even landed yet. How could I be doing so well and now I am nothing but frightened. I want him to really enjoy this trip as he needs a break from his stressful job. He was so happy last night. And I am happy for him. But I want the time to go by for me but go slow for him. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had a lot to do today and it was hard going so many places because the heat wave here is unbearable. I have activities planned for days but at night I have no plans. There are no classes in the summer around here and no other activities. Also, I have panic attacks and it is hard for me to drive at night. I also found out that my friends had a get together and I was not included. That makes me feel terrible. I am afraid such severe loneliness and sadness will cause me to become ill. I really need everyones support.
 
Aurora

vballplayingirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 7/15/2010 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
You have my support Aurora, I know the feeling my parents had when I went off to Europe for 2 weeks...if your experience turns out to be like theirs, it gets better =) Just think of how much fun he's going to be having and how relaxing and enjoyable his trip will be. Whenever I miss someone that's gone for a lengthy period of time I just try to convince myself of how well they are doing and how much fun is being had. Hopefully thoughts like that will help you stay positive!

--Che
"Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else."


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 7/15/2010 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,
 
You definately have my support too.  Know that I am thinking about you.  Trying to think of things that you could do to pass the time during the evenings.  Do you knit or chochet?  That keeps the mind and hands busy.  Or sewing.  And then you have something to show for it too.  Unless you are like me, I am not that good at it, but I like to do it.  Crochet that is.  I have made a few things, and a lot of blunders.  But it is fun.  I like the different colors of yarns that there is.  And often there are free patterns.  I have an old sewing machine that somebody gave me.  It is a Singer and one of the first electric machines.  It sits on a table like the old push pedal ones did.  I think I am going to look on the internet and see what they are worth. 
 
Well, I hope that we can keep you busy posting and such.  You know that you are always welcome to email me if you want to. 
 
Take care my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2280
   Posted 7/15/2010 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
(hugs & prayers)

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 7/15/2010 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS 2 ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

JAMIE. send me an e-mail when your up 2 it. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


harrington49
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 7/15/2010 11:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Aurora

I have emailed you but I wanted you to know that I'm really thinking of you. Don't worry about the friends, I know how it hurts though, especially when you are so lonely. Hang in there, we are all here for you.
Harrington49


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/16/2010 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me. I am very happy for my son. He is with friends and seeing so many new things.  I am trying very hard to handle my loneliness but I am almost feeling like I am at the point of despair. I am getting
out during the day and that is difficult enough as I have panic attacks driving and
can only go certain places and streets. It is the weekend and that is the most difficult time for me. I have no one to really talk to. I am waiting to hear from a friend tonight to see if she will go out to dinner with me tomorrow. I am not too
hopeful as she is always so tired. The people I know who live alone seem to like it but they have also been alone for a long time so they are used to it. I am just a person who needs company and someone to talk to. Even if it is just for a phone
call. I know if things get overwhelming I can call the depression hotline and have someone to talk to so I know I always have something to cling to. I have some
things to do tomorrow so I will at least get out for a while. And Sunday I will go to church so that helps. Only problem is what to do the rest of the day. I guess I can
go sit at the library or the bookstore and browse around. I see my therapist on Tues. so I hope that will help. I just feel like I am the only one in this world trapped inside my shell of loneliness and no one will come to my rescue. I am just waiting for the summer to be over and then things should improve for me.
 
Aurora

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 7/16/2010 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,
 
All in all, you are doing well and I am so proud of you.  It is hard being alone when you aren't use to it.  But you seem to be hanging in there and I am glad for that.  Keep on keeping on my dear.  Your son will be back before you know it.
 
I hope that you get to see your friend tomorrow.  I was suppose to go visit a friend last night but I was tired so I stayed home.  Pretty soon she is going to quit asking me to come over because I am so inconsistant with going places and doing things.  I went through that when I first got fibromyalgia.  I would make plans and then when the time come I would be sick.  People finally gave up on asking me to do things.  I do best on the spur of the moment type thing.
 
Oh my husband bought me a lottery ticket the other day and I won 100.00.  That was so cool.  It was a cashword ticket.  Kind of like a puzzle type.  I knew that I won 50.00, but I didn't know I has spelled eight words and that was worth 100.00.  I was so happy. 
 
There is a nice breeze coming in the window.  It feels good.  It had been really hot and humid for a few days.  It is suppose to get that way again next week.  I am not looking forward to that at all.  I don't do good in that kind of weather.  But I will hang out with the air conditioner.  lol...
 
I hope that you have a good day.  I hope that your friend will feel up to visiting tomorrow.  Staying busy is good.  I hope that you can keep yourself occupied today and that church is good tomorrow.  Keep posting.  I am on a lot, I will answer.
 
Take care Aurora,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/16/2010 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, I wanted to email you, but it looks to me like your email capablity is not activated? But I couldn't email you anyway because even though Windows 7 is newly installed on my computer, I get the message "default mail client not properly installed" so I wouldn't be able to email you anyway.

Could you email me if you're able.?

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/16/2010 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Korissa, got your post. I have windows 7 so I think it would be easy for me to email you. Just want to be sure I have your permission to email you. Then you will have my email address. Just let me know.
 
Aurora

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/16/2010 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Aurora, please do. I look forward to hearing from you!

I only hope it works since I'm not able to email others.

Korissa

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2280
   Posted 7/16/2010 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Long shot idea, but do you have any hospitals or retirement homes in your area? People there almost never get visitors. Nights probably wouldn't work, but they love to talk with people on the weekends. Some people don't have any family nearby & are very, very lonely. Maybe if you could go & talk with a one or two (or more) of them, it would help both them & you.
Usually the nurses or social workers know who would be receptive to a visitor & can help arrange something, even on very short notice.

I hope that suggestion doesn't upset you. I just know that the senior home where my g-ma lives has some ladies who don't get visitors but maybe once a year. They are always so happy to have someone stop and say hi to them in the hall & invite them to share a cup of tea. Granted, some people are kinda bitter about not seeing their family/friends more often & it's probably wise to avoid them, but the staff usually can direct you to some who are nice people, just kinda lonely.

If that doesn't work for you, that's ok. Just thought I'd put it out there.

sunshine wishes,
frances

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/16/2010 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Frances, that is a good idea. Actually there are shut ins that I can visit if I sign up at my senior center. So I may give it a try. I am starting to look for apts
for my son when he gets back from FL.  Not fun in this horrendous heat. But it
gets me out. Thanks for your support.
 
Hugs,
 
Aurora
 
Korrissa, I will email you. If you can't email me back just post here that you got the email.
 

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/16/2010 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I did get your email Aurora and sent one to you. But i got a message after I sent it that "my contact was not available."
 
Frances that is a good idea. I've been  visiting hospice patients as a volunteer and that is getting too hard. I'm saying goodbye to too many people which isn't helping my depression although it is so rewarding. I do this at a nursing home near me and I think I'll ask if there are people there who just get no visitors.
 
I just lost a patient today and intend to be firm this time and say no to taking on another one. A friend does what you suggested and I'd forgotten about switching to that.
 
 
 
 

myjoy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 686
   Posted 7/18/2010 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora - perhaps talk with your therapist about going on an anti-anxiety med to get you through this time alone. It sounds like you are extremely anxious.

I think you are doing great at keeping busy and looking for people to be with. That is great!
DX fibromyalgia 2007, osteoarthritis, obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, hysterectomy.

fluoxetine (prozac), abilify, trazodone, lorazepam, nabumetone, hydrocodone, c-pap machine.

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