I don't like feeling like this....

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Khamz
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/18/2010 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
hello, I'm new to this but I thought I'd give it a shot. Maybe it will make me feel better about myself. I just feel horrible both physically and psychologically all the time. I have talked to my doctor and I'm now on medication for my depression and I am seeing a counsellor, but they don't seem to be helping at all. Maybe I'm just impatient, but I don't know. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel sad and agitated and angry all the time. It's putting a huge strain on my boyfriend and our relationship. He has completely backed off now and is almost desensitized to my feelings; like he doesn't even care anymore because he has tried to help and nothing is working. He's frustrated so he just ignores me because that seems to be easier. It is the complete opposite from what I need and no matter how many times I try to explain to him, it doesn't get through. He thinks I'm being a baby because I DO have a great life, yet I still feel like this? I know there is something wrong with me, why cant other see it too? Nobody understands me. I don't even understand it. Nobody seems to care that I'm feeling like this. I feel like I'm worthless and dont deserve sympathy. I recently have thought about killing myself (although I never would because I have amazing little siblings that I would never put through that). But I dont know. I jst don't feel like I deserve life. I hate my relationship with my boyfriend, yet I don't know how to get out if it; I love him. Is there anyone out there who can relate to my feelings?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 7/18/2010 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Khamz,
 
We can all relate to your feelings and we do understand.  Just know that it takes four to six weeks for your medications to start working.  And counseling takes time too.  It wont happen over night, but you are doing all the right things to try and get help.  So don't give up.
 
Coming here is a good thing.  As I said, we all understand.  It seems that people who don't have depression don't understand at all.  Well, they don't know what we are going through. 
 
I must say that my depression has been in remission for well over a year since I have been taking medications and going to therapy.  So like I said, Don't give up!  Things will gradually start to get better.  You are on the right track.
 
Keep posting and know that we do care.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Khamz
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/18/2010 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen :) I just wish this was all over. I am struggling so much right now and feel like im suffocating myself with all these negative thoughts and feelings about life, school, the future, relationships, family issues. I'm so miserable right now and a lot of it has to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm so insecure and hate myself and I don't know why! He doesn't understand how I feel. My boyfriend and I definitely have a toxic relationship, but I don't know how to get out of it. It's killing me because I don't know if it's just me and my insecurities messing everything up, or what. I'm really confused. I don't know. I just feel really defeated and dead right now and need someone to tell me it will be ok :) Sorry for ranting, I don't know how else to get these feelings out of my head!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 7/18/2010 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Khamz,
 
Maybe you could take some time out of your relationship and step back and get an objective view.  Having problems with depression makes it so we can't see clearly.  But often we blame ourselves when it isn't us at all.  And other times it is the way that we are thinking that is messing us up.  Do you think your boyfriend would go for a time out?  Is it that you don't trust him?  Or is it more of a self esteem issue?   Is he abusive in any way?  Just thought I would ask. 
 
Keep posting.  Know that we will help you as much as we can.  There aren't always a lot of people here on the weekends, but it is busy during the week.  So I might be the only one answering you right now, but I do check the forum often so I will reply.
 
I hope that you feel better soon.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Khamz
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/18/2010 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't trust him to take time apart. and I don't feel comfortable doing it. we've been together for 3 years and rarely spend any time apart. he is like my comfort blanket and I feel lost if i don't have him :( (pathetic, I know lol) , so maybe a break would be worse? I really don't know. It would probably be best, but I don't know if i can do it.

He isn't abusive. He's the opposite. very passive-aggressive which bugs me because he would rather ignore everything until it goes away than try and make it better.

I really dont know what to do. My mom says we aren't good together, but she may just say that because she's biased and sees how hurt I feel when he does something (motherly protection).

I just really hate where my life is right now. Im not happy in any way. I don't know what I want to do with my life career wise (I'm going to University, but I need to declare a major soon and I don't know), I have no job, I'm living at my mothers, and all the relationships I've ever had (family ones too) have all failed. I just feel so worthless and when I try and explain my feelings to the people I love they don't understand and get tired of it. it's very frustrating. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall all the time. nobody seems to hear me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40569
   Posted 7/18/2010 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you should focus on one thing and that is your career.  What about talking to a counselor to help you get some direction in what you want to do with yourself.  Maybe there is a path that you can follow that will open up for more than one oppertunity for you.  You do have to think of yourself first in this matter and I think you should focus on school, then you, then your boyfriend. 
 
If you can't trust him, then there is nothing there.  But relationships can grow so see what happens.  But remember school first, then you and then him.  I think as long as you keep trying, things are going to work out.  That has always worked for me.  But I too ignore problems and hope that they go away.  So I don't know what to say about that.  I just don't deal with it.  I know that sounds stupid, but it works out for me.  Eventually the time will come when it is right in my face and then I deal with it.  But as long as it is nothing too important, it can sit on the back burner.  I found I use to take life way too seriously.  So I am laid back now, for the most part. 
 
I hope that things work out.  Remember to talk to a school counselor and get that in order.  You might as well get this over with and then it will stop bothering you.  Just try to think of what you would enjoy doing with your life the most.  And go from there.
 
Good luck, keep posting.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Khamz
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/18/2010 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you!
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 03, 2016 10:53 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,122 posts in 300,996 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151159 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, webers.
266 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Wdan, Jingles1234, Traveler, kcsmith72, luckyman316, MollieMae


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer