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annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/18/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
hi everyone,
I have posted here before.... It's been a while since I came on. I'm feeling terribly lonely and sucked up. I'm unable to be happy even if I try, I have my family, my friends and a boyfriend, but nothing and bond seems to make a wee bit of difference.
When my boyfriend loves me I keep feeling guilty about cheating and when he treats me bad, ignores me I miss my ex. I really love my boyfriend but this thing about being sad is making me crazy.
I'm feeling sick and I have no energy. I'm unable to convjnce my parents to let me start counselling.
I hate it. I feel like running away going somewhere where there's none....
:((
It's affecting my health as i suffer from breathing trouble....

:(( why am I unable to let go?!?!?!
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/18/2010 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Annie,
 
I think that you are feeling these feelings because you are in a long distance relationship and you are lonely.  I think if you were with your boyfriend that you wouldn't have time to think about these things.  How long before you can be together? 
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/18/2010 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
It will be 7 months now ! :( but what about the fact that I'm not allowing myself to be happy ?!?!?
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


vballplayingirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 7/18/2010 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Annie,

I've been in two long distance relationships before...they're difficult to say the least. Both times I found myself worn out and depressed because I had no control over any situation either of the two guys were telling me about...sooner or later we just drifted apart. Now I know that's not necessarily cheerful news for you, but I did learn a few things from both experiences. The first being both parties involved have to be commited and able to communicate. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having issues with that and understanding each other. It seems like your current boyfriend needs to re-evaluate the way he treats you, he shouldn't be ignoring you and treating you poorly at some times and then making you feel guilty when he decides to be nice. I hope you've tried to communicate that the hot and cold treatment is not working for you and making you feel down. If your relationship is long distance communication should be fairly easy for you by now so hopefully you two can work on that. Another thing I learned is that when you fight with someone your with and its long distance, the hurt feeling stays with you longer since you can't just confront it face to face and settle things. What I did in that situation is just stop thinking about the negative first, then found something to distract me(personally chores works for me--I clean and organize when I'm upset) but whatever works for you, and then go back and think about what should hav happened differently.
Honestly, I think right now you should be focused on keeping yourself happy. Go out and do something that makes you feel happy and keeps you entertained. Focus on some personal time. If you need to talk to someone in person about what's making you upset, go for it. Surely someone you know is a good listener, if not, we are =) I really do think that in your situation some "me time" as I call it, is necessary right now. You aren't letting yourself be happy because your focusing on all the negatives when surely there is a positive somewhere!

--Che
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there”


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/18/2010 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Che,
Thank you for responding ! To be honest this is my second long distance. If I have to be truthful my guy is treating me the way I treated my ex. But eventually I had got around to giving my ex all my attention and love to which he walked over and left me for another girl after two years.
What scares me is that this guy is my best friend past five years. He was so different back than it's more like as friends he was the responsible one but now it's like he's the baby ! I don't mind it I take care of him and give him his space as I know in a relation a free flow is necessary or it becomes rotten. But I feel forgotten ! It's like he asks me what's wrong and when I tell him he dismisses it with logic and being mature talks.
This as I've written in my post makes me miss my ex,who would talk to me at any given hour and handle me. He would say the least I can do being away from you is be available to you,ironically my guy got pissed off the last time I said I felt lonely. He said I have my friends and my family only he isn't there ! I should stop being so dependent on him ! I don't really get him at times!!!!
You been in a long distance isn't it important that we speak with each other atleast for some time,but no we never do.
I dunno if you have read my earlier posts,just out of my break up me and him started seeing each other things were worse than they are today and I ended up cheating on him. I feel really disgusted with myself but I love him so much I can't explain it to him ever. That guilt eats me up and hence when he bes nice to me I feel ruined !
It's like I'm stuck in between ! I'm Hanging on to his bad behaviour to be sad or my guilt to be depressed !

I think I'm gonna go crazy soon !
I tried getting busy but this thing keeps nagging me.
I needed him so much after my break up but he just ignored the fact that I wa out of a two years relationship,never thought hat I needed abit more of his love and attention to get myself back.

I don't doubt that he loves me ! I know he does it's just that he was someone who I'm unable to communicate my needs to !
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/19/2010 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
It's just the counsellors are kinda expensive,I don't really see my parents having any money problems but it's just that they feel it's a waste,just like many others who have never really felt sick inside their head. I feel hurt and lonely and helpless caz I get taunted over my depression and it's dismissed as crap by my mom ! I don't really understand that her being so educated she still thinks it's load of junk!
I don't know what to do anymore.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/19/2010 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Annie,
 
I don't know if I have given you this site yet, but it is totally free and many members have used it.  It is called moodgym. 
 
 
Give this a try and see if it helps you any.  Also try to take this one day at a time.  Try not to worry so about your boyfriend.  Things will work out.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/20/2010 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sick and tired and frustrated and I think I will go crazy soon. I feel ignored by everyone,it's like they dismiss the fact that I'm in depression,they think ignoring it would get me out of it. It's been so long I'm still haunted by things that first shoved me into this depression. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel helpless. My mom says I should stop blaming them,why shouldn't I blame them! It was caz they have always ignored me and treated me like some crap that I grew so attached to my ex. He was like my boyfriend and my family,he took care of everything heard everything,when both my parents would be busy drinking,or dictating their opinions on me. He left me and I dunno why I expected them to see and understand my pain but they never did. They lied to me. They said I was acting of being hurt behind my back.
I hate them. No I hate myself.

Karen I tried it but it isnt working for me !
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/20/2010 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Annie,
 
 
Try it now. 
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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