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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/21/2010 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I need some feedback and some advice...  I'm a mom of 2 (4 yr old & 6 month old).  I've struggled with depression for many years on and off depending on what's going on in my life.  It has recently gotten a lot worse.
15 1/2 years ago I lost my mother to lung cancer.  I was only 13, so I realized how serious the situation was but I guess because since she was my mom, I believed she'd recover!  I remember praying so hard for her to get better, it was the last time I ever prayed.  I remember it all like it was yesterday, she was in the hospital, it was Super Bowl sunday and we went to see her.  She was sitting up in her bed and I remember being happy and thinking this is great, my mom is feeling better.  The very next day, I was walking up our road after being dropped off at the bus stop after school and there were all these cars at my house.  When I got home, my Dad told me that she was gone.  I was in shock.  Didn't know what to say, what to do, how to act, nothing...  I went upstairs to my room and called my best friend at the time who then put her mom on the phone to talk to me cause we were only 13 so she didn't know what to do.  Over the years, there were times when her loss would bother me more than others, but lately I feel so lost without her. 
5 years ago, my husband and I lost our first child to hear defects.  I was 32 weeks pregnant and went into labor.  She was born, lived for one day on life support then we had to take her off.  It wasn't fair to her, to us, to anyone...  That was really hard for me, but to get myself through it, I just would say her spirit wasn't ready yet.  While I was pregnant with my son, I was speaking to a nurse about gestational diabetes and my 1st.  She said that maybe they tested to to early for gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my first.  She said with what happened, it sounded like I had high blood sugar brought on by stress when she was conceived...  How the heck am I supposed to react to that?...
Another thing that has recently been adding to my depression is that my dad (who is remarried) moved to florida a few years ago.  it was hard for me because with everything that has happened to me in my life, I didn't have my mom, but I always had my dad.  My family has made several attempts to ask him to move back home, but he has no intensions of doing so.
I really don't know how to push through this.  I talk about it, I try staying busy, but nothing seems to work.  I need some help.  I find myself snapping at the kids and my husband so easily.  It's not fair to them.  I sometimes sit and seriously think if it's all worth it?  I know it is, because I do not want my children to grow up without their mom like I did, but with me being as conflicted and sad as I am, is it really any better?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 7/21/2010 3:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Stressedmamaof2,
Yes it is better for your kids to have their mom, even if you aren't feeling the greatest.  They would be totally lost without you.  So Please try to keep on, you will be okay.
Have you thought about going to counseling or taking meds for your depression?  It helps me.  I do both.  And both help me very much.  Right now my depression is in remission and I am very happy about that.  I hope that it stays that way.
I am sorry for the loss of your mom and the loss of your first child.  They say that God only picks perfect flowers.  So they are both in good hands.  You may still be grieving this.  So I would talk to a counselor about grief counseling.
coming here is goog too.  You find that people here do understand you and you don't feel so alone.  So keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I will be keeping you in my prayers.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 7/21/2010 10:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Stressmamaof2, firstly I think it is a good thing that you are looking to work through these problems, that is always the first step. This is a pretty big coincidence, and that is really what prompted my responding to your post, but your story very very closely reflects my mothers.

My mom has been treated for depression for about 27 years now, anxiety, and a few other things. She is a mother of two, but between myself and my brother she lost a child. What she has talked to me about how she finally was able to cope is quite similar to what Karen (getting by) said. She realizes that God is holding all the cards...if a child is supposed to come into this world, then by God (literally here) it will. The child that she lost could have been born with serious birth defects, could have lived a number of years...but how much of a life would it really be? When a child is lost in such a manner it is usually connected to other issues, maybe God decided that he was going to take this one home now, not force it to face the same problems that we now do in our lives...possibly made even more complicated by further health problems... I know that these things don't take away that sinking feeling right away...I myself have dealt with loss, and that feeling takes some time to reshape. Trust in God, trust that He most certainly does know best, and that your baby is right now, this moment, in heaven with God Himself...feeling only the bliss of the unknown unique happiness that must be had there. No pain, no problems, none of what we have to struggle through. Your baby is so so much happier than we could ever perceive on this earth :-)

Additionally, my mother lost her father when she was 14 to a massive heart attack. He had heart difficulties for about 20 years, suffered somewhere in the region of 10 heart attacks before the final one took him. Her mother was vindictive and mentally abusive in more ways that I would want to explain in detail. She was constantly shouldered with being responsible for the health of her father, dealing with her mothers insanity, and also taking care of her older brother who was a terrible alcoholic. about 7 years ago, both her brother and mother died within a span of 6 months. Her brother by a massive heart attack (just like her father), and then not months later her mother to leukemia. For all of us this was difficult...but for her it was devastating. She will most likely never fully recover, those people will never be back in THIS world, but there is a realization to be had. She knows that she will see them in the blink of an eye that is the rest of each of our lives. She literally has lost all her near family, only a few cousins left...but she has realized that she has a new one now. That doesn't lessen the importance or remembrance of the ones lost, but she now has my father, my brother, and myself. She has struggled extremely hard, fallen so many times, but we are there for her now, still, and will continue to support her. She was focused so much on keeping her father alive, her mother happy, and her brother from drinking...for so many years...that she didn't know how to cope/deal/react to not having that focal point there anymore. She found that the solution was to change that point of focus, she moved it to her present family, and found that in doing that the voids left by her losses were filled. She didn't forget them, or stop loving them as much as before, but just realized that it is what it is...focusing on the loved ones still in her life was the only and best thing that she could do for herself, and for them.

God will give you the strength you need, all you need is to ask... No matter if you have rejected Him in any way in the past, all you need is to ask forgiveness. Give Him a chance, ask for strength, peace of mind, focus in your life, to help you be the best person that you can be. The shortness that you are having with your family will change also, they will forgive you (I'm sure they already do), God will forgive you (I know He already does). When you can reach these will notice such an upswing in your life, your mood, everything. Put those stresses, worries, troubles...just put them in God's hands and He will take care of them as He sees fit, and take care of you as well. It will give you the frame of mind and ability to focus on your family, they are who need you the most now. Letting God back into your life may be just the thing you need to reach that calm, the happiness that you so seek.

You are most certainly not alone, with your family who loves you dearly, always with God (even if you push Him away He never leaves), and now you have us on Healingwell if you would have us. I will pray for your strength and guidance, I truly hope you can find the path that brings you to happiness Stressedmamaof2. You can do it :-)


Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 7/21/2010 9:12:03 PM (GMT-6)

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