I have nowhere to go..

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/1/2010 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   
So here's why I'm using this site...i honestly feel like I can't talk to any of my so-called friends or family members. I guess since about January, I've been feeling quite off. I've been crying soo much like crazy, I've started hating all of my friends, and my hate for my family has only increased. My sisters just call me a stupid sensitive teenager, with an attititude problem, everyone at school probably thinks I'm a big weirdo ***. I feel totally and completely alone in every aspect. Many of my friends have boyfriends, and from my username, i just feel like a wallflower. I feel quite awkward in some social situations. I don't know, these past few months I've been feeling incredibly down, and sometimes all I want to do is cry. I look in the mirror and see some ugly pathetic girl. I hate my family, for various reasons. I just want to escape my skin and be somewhere else, and have people see me for what I really am: not some ****ing weirdo. I feel like I'm not even allowed to show that I'm upset ever, because usually people will be like 'what the hell, stop crying you dumb little *****.' I really don't know what to do, and the only solution I see is anti-depressants. I've been thinking alot lately about  too. I really don't know what to do, there's something completely wrong with me, and I have nowhere to turn to, no one I can trust. Please I need any advice I can get.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/2/2010 6:50:52 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 8/2/2010 1:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Flower

I am going to call you that because I don't believe you to be an "ugly pathetic girl", you are a human being who is loved no doubt by your family. I wanted to welcome you to the Healing Well Depression Forum and I want you to know that you have found a good place to come as we all have depression and we also find help from others on the forum.

It is pretty normal to be and feel awkward in some social occasions when you are a teenager, especially girls. That would be because we all compare ourselves with each other and we are never satisfied with what we have. I am sure you will grow out of that stage before too much longer. I feel really sad that you can't talk to your sisters but then not all families get along well.

Perhaps you should visit your doctor and tell him what is going on and how you are feeling, he may recommend meds or perhaps some counselling would also help you.

I hope you will continue to post and keeps us informed of how you are going.
Kind Regards

Harrington 49

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 552
   Posted 8/2/2010 1:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Try to see a doctor. I was on antidepressants for 5 months. Struggling with lyme disease and a car accident while pregnant with my 3rd child, really put me over the edge. I would never commit suicide, I believe in God and I believe I would be in an even worse place if I would commit suicide for ANY reason. you have your whole life ahead of you! Believe me, I know! Try to be strong and positive. I am off antidepressants now. I am strong enough (mentally) to get through the day.

I had a strange childhood/young adulthood--I won't get into details, but my mom got remarried to an awful person, and she pretty much abandoned us. She was there, but not really there. She went through a lot and tried to hide it from us We knew. A broken leg here, a black eye there, we knew he was hitting her. Then he was not father-like with us, either. Let's just stop it there.

At one point, I helped my mom get away from him, but then she went back. I didn't talk to anyone in my family for 10 months--no contact. I know how that can be! I needed them, but my pain kept me away from everyone.

I now have a great relationship with my family, I helped my mom to get away (again) and this time for good! He divorced her and married another (which I thank him for, because she was not strong enough to do it).

It will get better, just get help, research the 800 suicide line and call for help. I am sure they will make you feel better and they will guide you. I wish you well, don't give up, just try to help yourself! And remember that there may be people out there that are dealing with worse stuff then you--eg. incurable diseases/cancer. Hope this helps, I am not a doctor, I can only give you suggestions, not advice. THere are social workers that deal with this for free if you are not working, take advantage of all of the resources before doing anything drastic. Being around people that put you down, only will worsen the situation. Try to stay away from them and find a hobby, read a book, work out, anything to take your mind away from it.

Good luck!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/2/2010 4:00 AM (GMT -6)   
you can talk to me any time you want hon, i understand

what did u say at gmail dot com
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 8/2/2010 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wallflower,
You have gotten some very good advice.  Get help, find resources, be your own advocate.  You can do this.  I will post some suicide hotlines for you too.  But googling it helps.  You can get easy help on the internet. 
Things will get better for you.  Try to keep a positive outlook on life.  Take one day at a time.  Life gets tough at times, but it always gets better. 
Know that we are here to support you.  There is a wonderful group of members here.  And we will help you get through this.  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
U.S. Helplines

National Suicide Hotline

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/2/2010 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks guys, this means a lot (believe me you have no idea). i called a support hotline last night, and it did make me feel a little bit better, although i think for the moment, i should just keep busy, and keep my mind off of the things that upset me. i guess i will have to take things day by day. again, i really appreciate all of your help guys.
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