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PrinceMessenger831
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/3/2010 12:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone... I kinda joined this site because at any given time from midnight to 3, when I am most active and most able to write music, stories, or draw... I kinda get this unnerving sense of loneliness where I used to feel so fulfilled from doing anything artistic... Now there seems to be a void inside me that I can't fill, no matter how much work I do... It might have something to do with my last love interest dropping me with no warning, or maybe this art block I'm feeling is getting the better of me... I'm not sure which, but regardless, it overwhelms me with a sense of uselessness and defeat any time I pick up a pencil or jot down some chords...

Pardon me if this post seems a bit rambly, I kinda tend to get that way :(

My dad's been drinking a whole lot more than usual since his dad died nearly a year and a half ago, and his condition goes in waves... Some days, he's completely sober and the nicest guy to be around, and other times, he drinks and gets somewhat harsh and starts teasing me... Now, teasing doesn't usually affect me much, having grown up to be the black sheep all the way from grade school through high school [Don't you just love that? ;) ] but he doesn't know when to stop. I ask him to stop, and he'll still keep screwing with my mind. in school, you could tell the principal and get the bully a detention, but here, I don't feel that I can say anything. Its like I'm not able to say anything to anyone to get him to stop harassing me, because at the same token, we're (mom and I) worried his depression would get worse if I got stern and told him to stop... and I know his feelings get hurt when mom catches him teasing me and she tells him to stop...

Not only that, but I have this nasty habit that I have been a slave to for as long as I can remember... I can never write a song from start to finish... truly finish a drawing... do anything like that... They always lay unfinished and usually stay that way, no matter how many hours I work on them...

I'm sorry if any of this gets... hard to understand...

does anyone have any advice?

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 8/3/2010 1:57 AM (GMT -7)   
hi PM831. jamie here.
 
i'm sorry for your situation. from what i've read it seems that your father may be depressed, and it sounds that maybe you are also. the teasing, that has to stop. if keeps going on then he sees it as being normal-and or okay. a suggestion would be to speak to someone you trust, school counsellor, doctor, etc. i feel your dads situation is impacting on your health, somebody needs to be straight up with him, a trusted adult or close friend of his. you need to look after yourself as well. depression sucks, but with help you can manage it better. your situation may be situational, alike an episode, and it maybe not, thus i suggest strongly that you seek guidance from your GP. grief is a hard thing, i understand this well, lost many myself, and i feel that your dads grief is being displaced. i hope someone close to you can have a deep and meaningful with him. i don't want you getting hurt, it is possible that he will lash out, i have experienced this myself. be safe and know that we care.
 
-jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/3/2010 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
Welcome to HealingWell!!!  You have come to a good place.
 
I am sorry that you are struggling so.  But you have come to a place with a lot of wonderful members and we will try to help you sot things out.
 
When your dad teases you, do you ever tease back?  Work on some good come backs and see what you can come up with.  I don't hink he means it in a mean way.  But I don't know.  I have never heard what he has said.  So I don't know the comments that he makes to you.  I am sorry though, it sounds like it hurts your feelings.
 
Keep posting, we will try to support you through this.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

PrinceMessenger831
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/3/2010 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey,

Thanks for the replies... I'm trying to talk with him about it and also trying to speak with the collage counselor and stuff... It hasn't done much for me, but it is kinda helping dad understand that I'm going through a personal hell when he teases me like that... I just wish there was someone I could tell to talk to him... I'm working on it... It may take a bit... but in time, maybe he'll really understand instead of shutting down and dismissing the fact that I'm kinda not happy with what he does.

Thanks, Jamie and Karen...

Time for me to go to bed. Take care.
Success is just Persistence in a different form.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 8/3/2010 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
you are doin' well. keep your chin up. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/4/2010 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Know that we are here for you. Post anytime. And we will help you the best that we can.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

PrinceMessenger831
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/6/2010 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I think things have been getting better for me, but not so much for my dad. He seems to be in something of a tailspin and won't pull himself out... I don't know what to do for him now because he's not doing anything to me, and I think, even though I put it as lightly as I could, my dad seemed hurt by what I said... I just told him nicely that the teasing has to stop... I kinda feel bad, but... at least that's over...
Success is just Persistence in a different form.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/7/2010 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that you mentioned that to him, and I hope that it does stop. Have you ever tried teasing back? Or is that just not you? I truly hope that it works out for the better now.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

PrinceMessenger831
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/7/2010 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen,

No, its really not me... I try to be kind and collected even in the worst situations... I used to be all angsty and really quick to rage, but not anymore... It puts me in a bad place, you know?

He seems depressed today. Comes in from the grocery run he made and makes a beeline for the fridge. Cracks open a beer and plops down on the couch without a word. Mom gets on his case because we kinda are trying to pull him out of his bad alcoholism... I know her heart's hurting about all this because she's trying to separate herself from him... She's preparing for him to up and die much sooner than he should because of the way he's drinking and his confession of 'I don't care if I live another day'... And I don't know what to do. I really like helping people, and it hurts to be helpless like this...
Success is just Persistence in a different form.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/7/2010 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Do you think you could talk him into getting some help? Or do you think he will just continue drinking? I am sorry that you are going through this. It is sad to watch somebody drink like that. They don't see the problem. And alcholism is a disease just like depression is. Maybe you and your mom could do an intervention? Do you talk to your mom about it at all?

Keep posting and let us know how it is going. I hope that your dad cheers up.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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