Past never goes away....

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

jimmy11971
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/7/2010 11:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel I am haunted by myself.  I had feelings or you can called it an obsession for a woman I worked with.  The details are too long to list, in short, we never dated but we worked together, she left, she got married, she just had a baby.  When she left work, I made the mistake in staying in contact with her thinking her and boyfriend, now husband, would eventually break up.  Four years ago, she called to tell me she was getting married and that's when things began to spiral for me.  That was the day that my fantasy world collasped.  I was crying every night, I was a zombie during the day and I would get angry easily at everyone.  I started to distance myself from her as much as I could but I would have moments of where I would sending her emails every few months and she would respone much later.  She thought we were friends but it was all bull, I was fake.  When she talked to me, all I could do was stare into her beautiful brown eyes.  She was in my thoughts most all the time.  Well, years go by, I actually see a therapist but really can talk to him, I probably should see someone else.  He gave me an anxiety medication which work for the most part but I would have these long periods after a while where I thought I was "over her."  But out the blue, I would a dream or have a nightmare of her and I would wake up with the old feelings, anxious, sad, depressed and I would slowly get better and the cycle starts over again.  I know I must be doing something to triggering these dreams I have of her.  I really just want her gone out of my head as if I never met her.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 8/8/2010 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
That my friend could take some time.  You were in love with her.  But practice doing different things for yourself and hopefully she will be out of your memory.  But we often never forget our first love.  If it is really love, you will be happy that she is happy.  Otherwise it is an obsession.  And that, my friend, isn't healthy.  Discuss this with your counselor.  What do they say? 
 
If you and your counselor aren't clicking, then I would suggest finding another one.  That happens, often we don't get on with the first one, but there are many others.
 
I am going to put a site for you that is absolutely free.
 
Check it out and see if it helps you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

jimmy11971
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/8/2010 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I know its not love, all though it feels like it but it's an obsession.  I'm 38, well it started when I was 32, and this isn't first time I have spent alot of time with a woman and became obsessed with her.  After time apart from those two other woman I've obsessed over, the feelings eventually went away after a year or two without any communication with them.  Its so weird, I'm friends with women mostly but other than the initial sexual attraction for most of them, I don't really think about them at all so much when they are not around.  But with this girl, like the others, there was a moment where I guess you could say I snapped or it unlock something in my head and that moment with her was the day I met her.  I was introduced to her and I saw her and I felt body jolt with a startled like behavior, short breath, accelerated heart rate, it was like I was scared.  I remember that moment as if it just yesterday, along with the last day we worked together when we hugged our good byes.  She embraced me so tight like she really cared for me but not in the way I cared for her.  She more than likely doesn't remember it now but for me it was the only time where it was truly just me and her.  I was in a europhic state for several days after that.
 
My therapist and I do not click.  When I was referred to him, he was more of a medical therapist so he is good at pescribing medicine but now I know more than ever I need to talk someone else about this.  Even writing this first and second post, I cry uncontrollablely.  I saw one therapist long before I see this current therapist but I did not like how I acted in that session, I felt hystrical, I had no control over my crying, I could hardly talk and that wasn't even about her.  I guess I just put really good mask on when I'm in public.  I'm also really uneasy about the note taking part of it, I really worry about my inter most thoughts being used against me at a later date.  I'm really not sure of laws that protect therapist/patient confidentially, I think they would be pretty good but then again every thing is political regardless of the law. 
 
Karen - thank you for responding, talking really helps me get through the dark times. 
 
Jim

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 8/8/2010 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jim,
 
As I can tell you realize this, this obsession isn't healthy for you.  I would get another therapist and see what you can come up with for a coping mechanism with this situation.  I am glad that talking about it helps.  That is good.  And you are anomymous here so that is good. 
 
You said that your present therapist prescribes medications for you.  Are they a psychiatrist by any chance?  If that is the case, you can see a therapist and still keep your other doctor for medications.  I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist.  And that works out good. 
 
I hope that you can get through this.  I hope that you can get her out of your mind.  Try to stay busy. 
 
Best wishes to you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

jimmy11971
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/8/2010 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, he is psychiatrist.  I've been trying to see someone else but I get as far as looking up providers in the area and that is far as I go.  I just think I would just as guarded as I am with my current therapist.  Its just hard to be comfortable face to face with someone you don't know.  I think my feelings and emotions only are too much or too little, never the right amount and its kind have always too much is really bad because either I care much too much for something I shouldn't or it's not that special to most anyone else.  I don't what it's called but I feel I want a master-servant relationship, me being the servant.
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 8/8/2010 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that is where therapy would help you. It would give you some direction so you wont be a follower. You will be you, an individual. Think about it. You only have to talk about what you want to. I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 03, 2016 7:06 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,357 posts in 301,012 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151172 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Whydoesithurtsomuch.
312 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ewafromwarsaw, Psilociraptor, 81GyGuy, Shaz032, Susannah R., summer16, Girlie, Uniform Charlie, Fairwind, Ggrlsav, pitmom


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer