You are never going to get your confidence from others. You have to believe you are important, loving and worthwhile. The first thing you need to do is stop saying you are clumsy, ugly, hate yourself, can't do anything right etc.... Take these out of your vocabulary now. I did, and it worked. Tell yourself every day in the mirror that you are a worthwhile and loving person.
It sounds like you need some counseling to get over your dad's suicide.
DX fibromyalgia 2007, OCD, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, hysterectomy.
meds - fluoxetine (prozac), abilify, trazodone, lorazepam, nabumetone, hydrocodone, c-pap machine.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17