hi, i have never used this site before so im not really sure what i am doing, but i feel so alone at night and i needed to talk to people.
i am 14 years old and i have depression. so when my friends offered me , i took it. and to be honest it did make me happy.. but only for a little while. but that little while was really great, im not going to lie. but it made everything 100 times worse. so now im pretty much addicted, and i sneak out about 3+ times a week (in fact, all of yesterday, last night and most of today i have been ) to up with some of my "friends". i put quotes around friends because i already lost almost all of my friends when they found out i was doing . and the real friends i have left either with me or they dont know that i do it. oh, and to make it worse, the persons appartment at is the guy that broke my heart more then once. i literally love that guy so much.., but he cheated on me and is with one of my exfriends now. it breaks my heart everytime i see him. so i sneak over there or say im sleeping over at a friends house, and just sleep over there or if i cant, i sleep in a storage shed with a couple other people. we get , drunk, and smoke ciggaretts (which i am now addicted to.) we stay up all night, go night roaming, play poker, or just chill. eventually we all just pass out somewhere. his parents dont care. they even give us cigs and beer. when i sneak out i only stay untill 4:30am and then i walk home. but if i sleep over we get up around noon the next day and do a wake and(when you get as soon as you wake up) it seems fun, but after its done i always feel worse.
the thing is i cant stop myself. i dont know why. i can think of only a couple of reasons
- being is the only time that im really happy anymore, so i crave it
- i miss the guy that i love so much that ill do anything as long as im with him
- i dont care about myself so much that i dont care if i screw up my life even more than it already is.
please help me and tell me if what i am doing is wrong or right. i dont know anymore. and i feel like if i keep going on this way, im going to wreck my life, even though it pretty much already is wrecked. i dont know what happened to me. i used to be happy, a straight A student, have a lot of friends, and not care what any one else thought. now i cant even remember the last time when i truely fealt happy when i wasnt.
please help me. thank you so much for listening to what i have to say.
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Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/22/2010 7:36:27 PM (GMT-6)