Hi. I'm new here. I've been struggling with this since I can remember. I was never a happy kid and I can remember being 6 years old and worrying about how I was going to pay for college and that I'd never find someone who would marry me. I was also very quiet and shy and I remember watching my brother talk to my parents and going to my room crying because I couldn't think of anything to say.
I'm 26 now and in the past 5 or 6 years it's gotten progressively worse. It's to the point now where I'm crying every day and thinking about killing myself, although I know I could never go through with it because I know what it would do to my family.
I was a 4.0 student until I dropped out of college my junior year and moved back home. I then got a job that I quit about a year ago because I couldn't handle the stress and I felt like everyone hated me there. I'm terrified of the thought of getting another job or going back to school. I feel like there's nothing I can do and I'll be living off of my parents for the rest of my life. They're both retired and I'm sure they don't want me here. I don't know how much longer I can stay here and the worst part is that nobody knows I've been dealing with depression my entire life. I've been afraid to tell my friends because I don't want them to stop talking to me. I'm also embarrassed about this and I don't really want them to know. I'm afraid to tell my parents too because I don't have insurance and can't afford therapy or medication and I'm afraid they'll feel obligated to pay for it. I don't want to be any more of a burden to them than I already am. I'm finally to the point where I know I need to get help before anything bad happens but I don't know what to do. Does anyone know of any free or low cost options? I live in the Seattle area.