I am male. Wierd childhood but not overly abusive. Vivid imagination and cronic liar as a kid. Suffer from some abandonment issues. Abused animals as a young child.
First psychiarist at age 13. Drug use and alcoholism
from age 13 to age 36. Sober 17 years in AA (52 yrs old) Two half-assed suicide attempts in 20's. One psych ward stay for 30 days at age 22. Two drug rehabs.
Got myself educated: Masters in social work. I still can't live a normal life. Unstable relationships, codependent and controlling. Have bouts of addictive shopping and deep inmeshment with people. Weak boundaries and now I am isolating, losing friends, close to another breakup, having anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. Fantasizing about people's
reaction to my death. Feeling guilty, self pity and disgust.
Taking 60 mg prozac and 30 mg buspar daily. Prozac not working. Started therapist (again for upteenth time) 2 months ago. Therapist feels I have addictive personality that can be changed with CBT. "I am in denial and need to hit bottom again in order to change". I feel it is all useless and I think I have borderline personality disorder.
Please, what meds should I take next? Friend reccomended Abilify along with my useless prozac. I've been on all major SRUI and they all peter out. Wellbutrin gave me horrible anxiety attacks. I just made a career change to decrease responsibilities. Am now caring for aging parent with creeping dementia. Procrastination out of control and am about to lose a wonderful life partner. No interest whatsoever in sex. Anybody relate?