I'm back.. Even though I wish I wasn't.

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neverbetter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 8/29/2010 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey everyone.. Just checking in.  I guess I'll explain the title of my post first; I wish I wasn't back on here, because when I don't find the need to get on this forum, I'm not too low in my depression.  But I'm feeling super depressed today so I thought I'd just come on here and vent..
 
I think a lack of sleep can trigger depression, so that's probably part of my problem.  Even worse, though, after such a great summer, I'm at college for my first time and this is only my second day.  I know I should give it time, and that the first few weeks are the toughest, but oh goshhhh! My first problem is that I have a single room (which is good in some ways), so it's really hard to meet people on my floor.  Plus, without a roommate, I'm usually walking around alone and even though I've had convesations with people, I can't remember who they are or where they're from or whatever.  And my R.A. isn' t much of a help, despite the fact that she's studying to be a psychologist mad .
 
Classes haven't started yet, and this is orientation weekend, so there's a bunch of activities going on.  I've tried to go to as many as possible, but after a while it just all seems so pointless (hence, why I'm hiding out in my room).  I miss my family and my home already, and it's only been like 48 hours! And I'm very anxious about everything, despite the Buspar that I'm currently on paired with my Welbutrin... I keep having horrible panic attacks and I just feel really dirty... Like... Other people's germs are everywhere! Tonight I think I'll just skip dinner so I don't have to face sitting alone in the cafeteria... I mean, yeah, I could talk to random people, but it seems like everyone else has at least one friend here and I just.. Don't. 
 
Argh I'm so nervous!! Do you think that this will get better once classes start?! I sure hope so... Urgh..
 
Thanks for reading.. I'll probably be back a lot more now, lol.  Hope all is well!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 8/29/2010 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Neverbetter,

The anxiety and sleeplessness could be caused by the welbutrin. That is what it did to me when I was on a high dose. But being that you are starting college and just got there, there is a good chance it is just all the excitement.

I get the feeling that you are defeating yourself at this early stage. Not wanting to converse with others and join in isn't going to get you any friends if that is what you are looking for. But yes, I would give it some time and see what happens. It is really early in the game to be assuming things. Take this one day at a time. Give it a chance. I hope that things get better for you. Keep posting, hopefully it will help you to sort out your feelings.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/29/2010 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Neverbetter,

I just graduated college, yet I distinctly remember my first few weeks at school. I struggled with the same things that you are going through now. It's really tough to be away from home for the first time & making friends isn't easy for anyone (no matter how outgoing they may seem). So please do know that you are not alone in feeling scared, lost, and confused. That being said, you do need to put yourself out there a little. Go around to neighboring rooms & knock on the doors & introduce yourself. Additionally, when you are in your room, prop your door open. An open door will encourage passers by to stop in & say hello. Just remember to close your door when you leave, even if you are just going down the hall to the bathroom. Introduce yourself to random people in the bathroom. Ask your hall-mates if they want to go to lunch or dinner with you.

I know that it is sometimes much easier to isolate yourself (I tend to do that myself), but this is one of those times when your really do need to do your best to be outgoing. And remember, friendships do NOT form overnight. Within the next few weeks, you may see people begin to segregate into groups & appear to be best friends, but really these people are still in the same boat as you. It takes a while to figure things out. The first few months are the hardest, but after that things will get easier. I promise. Hang in there!

And if you have the opportunity to have an upperclassman mentor -- either through one of your classes or through some kind of "big sister - little sister" program take it! Upperclassman can be very helpful in showing you the ropes both in terms of academics & the social side of college.

hugs,
Skeye

neverbetter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 8/29/2010 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for answering me. I guess I'm just doing what I did in high school by isolating myself, and that's not good... But I was wrong in thinking that making friends in college (or anywhere) would be easier, especially with my personality.

I'm just really afraid of people judging me. Many don't understand what I've been through, or what depression does to me.. And yeah,it is much easier to isolate myself, and I guess I'm not trying very hard to be social. Argh, I just hope this anxiety goes away!!

But really, thanks again for responding. The advice that you both gave me is making me feel a little more comfortable with my situation, and I hope that I can wake up tomorrow with a different attitude. I'll keep posting!

vballplayingirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 8/29/2010 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey neverbetter,

I came to college for the first time last year and I also had a single room. The only reason it's hard for you to meet people as you say would be if you have your door closed and don't make it easy for other people to approach you. Although you should also make the effort like you said to approach them. But I know personally if I saw a door open it encouraged me to just stop in and say hey, even if it was just for a second.
And about people judging you, trust me, there are so many different types of people in the college setting...someone will get what your going through and a lot of people, even if they don't fully get it, don't mind. I have a lot of friends that know I have anxiety and depression...and to be quite honest they don't care. I'm still me, they still love me anyways. I agree, it is much easier to skate by and keep to yourself, but after a year of that...it gets old. Also, it gets easier to talk to people once classes start..obviously since you all have something in common there. Whoever you sit next to will probably be quite friendly so you should try to chat up some people in the classes your in.

Stick with it, you'll get through it, anxiety or not. Anxiety shouldn't stop you from living your life and going through one of the best times in that life... =)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 8/30/2010 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Neverbetter,

Remember too that you aren't the only person feeling this way. There are a lot of depressed people in this world and a lot of depressed students. So you aren't the only one. Know that others suffer with you, or at the same time as you. And they will understand how you feel.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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