I don't know if there is anything wrong with me at all medically. I've never said anything to my doctor, only to friends and my boyfriend. But they all think I just need to get up and go. But basically, I think I might be a bit depressed. Since January of this year, I haven't really been feeling myself. I had my exams for college around that time so that could have triggered the whole thing. Then, the death of my Granda and my great uncle within 2 weeks of one another. I think these all began to contribute to me staying in more, not bothering to meet up and go out with my friends. My boyfriend lives at my hometown which I returned to every weekend to see him. I saw him Friday night and Saturday mornings then went to work from 3-11 in a local shop. I didn't like the job so frequently took time off and I just haven't gone back after my summer exams in May.
Anyway, my friends both at home thought that because of my relationship that I had changed. Certainly, missing my boyfriend during the week contributed to me staying in more and not wanting to bother with anything else but it was only a contributory factor. then, my friends at home thought that I didn't need them anymore because I didn't make enough time for them and wanted to spend all my time with my boyfriend while I could.
Basically, the whole thing exploded in a huge fight in May and my group of best friends don't speak to me any more. I've tried to explain and apologise but they don't want to hear it. They're really good people but I really messed up and now I can't stop thinking about
what I did.
I feel terrible. Any downers I get are frequent and really severe. I know everyone has their good and bad days but this is different. My physical health hasn't been good since last December and I think it's my body trying to tell me something. When my boyfriend asks me to talk to him about
it, it helps for that evening (when I can think of anything to say about
why I'm down). He's been so good to me, so helpful yet my old friends blame him for me not being their friends any more and that hurts him. It has also started to annoy him that I can't get past losing them.
When I get back to college, I know I'm going to miss my boyfriend so much. And now, without my friends, I don't know how I'm going to cope. I want to join a club to maybe make new friends and also focus on my work more but I know the loneliness is going to get to me.
Every day, I just sit inside, dwelling on things and getting myself in a rut. Doing nothing and wanting to do nothing.
Sorry for the rant. Any help would be appreciated.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/1/2010 6:28:58 PM (GMT-6)