I think I will never come out of my depression on my own. I have been trying past 9 months,I have tried doing it on my own to trying to talk to people to reading self help books. It doesn't matter I try avoiding my pain by going out and retail therapy but when Im back home its just being back in a black pit of loneliness.
Through this depression I have been trying to make my relationship work,trying hard to forget my ex and not let my bf see the pain I go through each day when he ignores me and doesn't care. I know others would feel me to be a cheat caz I spoke to my ex last night. But I dunno hearing his voice calmed me down from the anxiety attack I was having. I told him about
how it felt to be cheated and left and he apologized. It was all fine till I realized how far we were from each other. And though I would have never spoken to my ex if I was in my senses !
I lost mine when my bf thrashed me for two days abused me of not caring for him and said he hated me. I don't get him,if you have read my earlier posts I have mentioned he doesnt like me asking him questions or calling him without reasons,how do I show care?he doesnt want me to call him when I dont he says im a manipulative person and fake caz when I dont call I cant help but just drop him a msg. he says i just try to potray myself as innocent. I got fed up of how helpless he made me feel,and I just lost my mind n calld my ex.
I hate my life without him. My family is as terrible as ever and the guy I date doesn't even acknowledge my efforts and worse he considers them a manipulation,instead I feel I do cry over my ex,caz atleast at some point he loved me and cared for me.
Im in pain. Pain words cant explain. I do prefer being physically hurt than this emotional and mental pain.
I dont know what to do and where to go.
I loved someone and he left me and than I gave myself another chance and that guy hates me. Theres something wrong in me that eveyone hates me.
My parents never care and I hate them.I cant help myself but hate everyone and the first person I hate is myself. I hate myself for who I m and for what I did. My bf makes me hate myself more,he just makes me realize that my ex walked out on me everytime he can. He feels that I deserve the place im at today lonely and depressed. And I believe he is right.
I will never be truly happy again.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”
Post Edited (annie.d12345) : 9/3/2010 2:34:58 AM (GMT-6)