Helping my parents to understand

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Cinderelessar
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/2/2005 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
I am just wondering if you have any suggestions for ways that I could help my parents to understand how my condition is making me feel. They don't really seem to believe that I can suffer from depression because I'm only 23. I've tried to talk to them about the way that I feel, but they just don't really seem to take it in. None of us are the best commincators, but I've really tried to bring things up. I start to say stuff to them and they really don't seem to understand how serious I am when I start talking to them. I really need them for support right now. I know that I've sort of been clinging to them, but it's because I need them so much at the moment.

I'm just wondering if any of you have had the same problem and how you coped with it, or if not, if you have any suggestions that might help

I wish there was someone who could help me resolve these feelings but there's not. I'm terrified. I wake up in cold sweats, I shake, I cry, I'm SCARED of it. I'm so afraid of dying that it's stopping me from living. How do I tell them that so that they understand? I'm trying to find some sort of spiritual fulfillment to help me resolve this, but it's not working. I just keep wondering what the point of life is if we're only going to leave it anyway. I'm too skeptical. I want to believe in God, or life after death or reincarnation. Something. ANYTHING to help me, but I need proof.

I don't know if any of you can help me with this, but I hope you can because at least I can tell you. Even though you don't know me it helps just to say it. Right now I feel like screaming it.

I'M SO AFRAID OF DYING THAT IT'S TERRIFYING ME TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN'T SLEEP, EAT OR SOCIALISE.

There I screamed it. Now I feel like crying again.

Anyway, if you can help, please do so, if not, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to read this post anyway, so Thank you.

Melbel
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/2/2005 9:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Cinderelessar, one thing I’ve tried to help my parents understand the things I’m going through is to write to them—maybe write them a letter explaining the way you feel. That way, you can say all of the things you need to say without feeling anxious that they’re not listening, and they also have time to read what you’ve written and to understand. It can be difficult to communicate with your parents when they don’t do it themselves. But try not to give up. When I finally got help for my depression and had to tell my parents that I was going on medication for depression, it was the first step to helping them understand what I was going through. And ironically, it helped my dad realize that maybe he was depressed too. Anyway, that’s beside the point. But don’t give up. It won’t always be this bad. I hope this helps a little. ~melbel
ps--i'm only 22 and I've been dealing with this for more than 4 years.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/3/2005 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Cinderelessar...........This is just an opinion as a parent........Have you thought that maybe they dont want to ackowledge the fact that THEIR daughter is depressed? In doing so they would no doubt feel guilt and shame ,always wondering what THEY did for u to be this way?Please do not get me wrong I am not blaming them,but maybe they are.Communication was never a strong family trait while I was growing up: but I vowed that when I had kids,those lines would be permantly open no matter how hard the topic was for me. I had 3 boys and 1 girl........my youngest son passed away at 6 yrs old......my other boys(men)are 31 and 29 & my daughter Cait is just turning 12.MY older son was like you for awhile,felt he had no reason to live and no energy to live.We went to couselling together for over 1+.........He now is a very family oriented man whom loves his kids to pieces:If he feels he is sliding spirally down again he calls me and we talk thru it.....Do you like nature at all?.taking walks ........going on hikes,maybe even sitting outside and remembering all the good times you had as a youngster? As Melbel said you could sit down and write them a letter holding nothing back and letting them know that they are not at fault.Once that letter is finished leave it where they WILL see it and I think you will find they will read it(even if just curiousity is piqued)I know I tend to take my kids problems to heart and always wonder if I could have done or said something different so they did not have to go thru the stuff..............But I know now I did my very best with the tools I had at the time(my boys tell me that always).Parenting does not come with a handbook but it sure as he.. comes with a book of guilt. Meanwhile you try to get your head in the right space hun,and hopefully some of the posts from us will help and hey THERE is nothing wrong with screaming at the top off your lungs..........what I would like to know is do you realize that in some way your spirituality is coming thru .cus who the heck are you yelling at ........come on dry those tears,get up and live you are the reason to go on. YOU and your parents.You can talk privately to me if youd like just check beside my name and you will see the icons...............Please keep on posting and reading others posts as well..You are not alone anymore and try not to put this off with your parents for much longer.....Take Care & God Bless
  We Are Not Made Rich By What Is In Our Pockets..........But By What Is In Our Hearts.............author unknown..............LYN


bhzll
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/8/2005 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Cinderelessar
I am the sister rather than the parent of someone dealing with a sever form of depression, but I remember well the day my parents had to come to grips with the fact that my sister had a problem. It was something everyone in my family had to come to terms with.
 
I can not comprehend the fear that you must be going through, but for those around you it is actually easier sometimes to pretend that it will go away. If they can pretend, then maybe you will too and they won't have to figure out how to help you deal with something that they can't see. It is not even that they don't want to, more often is they don't know how and that is terrifying in and of its self.
 
If your parents are not able to comprehend what you are going through, don't let that prevent you from getting all the help you need. They may take awhile to get to the point that they understand the issues you deal with. And while it is not fair, because you need thier support, you may have to be patient with them. Do not give up on them, but right now it is more important that you get help so you can get through the day.
 
I know for me, watching the pain and fear and just stuff that my sister deals with has made me realize how tough you have to be somedays and I want nothing more than to help her, but we have lived with it for nine years and it took time for me to understand. I had to come to terms that her bad days are not just cause she is sad, that it is a medical condition that requires treatment, no different than someone with acute diabetes.
 
Meanwhile, there are those who do understand, search them out, hear their stories and know that there are many who do understand and that you are not alone in this...
Depression of any kind should not be something you are ashamed of and many people share some form of that particular burden.
 
Best wishes

havta_b_luvd
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 2/9/2005 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Cinderelessar. You've received a lot of good advice here and my 2 cents are just that, 2 cents lol. I'm, I reckon, about your parents age and I suffer from BPII. My mom has always told me to "snap out of it" "just get yourself together" etc etc etc. To this day she more or less refuses to discuss my issues so I just leave 'em lay. Now my daughter, who is 17 has recently been diagnosed with depression, now my mom will talk all day about her depression and the things that "should" be done. So I'm not real sure what the difference in attitude there but it's all good. It just goes to show humans can handle certain things from certain people and not necessarily the same thing from all people.

Just hang in there hun, hopefully they'll come around and understand. Acceptance is the key and sometimes accepting something means you can't fix it, so....

Be well hun
~Tina~


Gumbee
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/16/2005 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Cinderelessar,

Hi Just Know you are not a Lone, I haave the similer Problems But it is My hole family and I am 43.

you are in my thoughs and Prayers
Gumbee
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