my boyfriend is acting distant

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lust4life
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/6/2011 11:48 AM (GMT -6)   
hi im new to this and hope to get some much needed some advice on my current situation. my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 2 years and i thought we were very happy and in love. we were planning on moving in togther in a years time but now im fearful the realtionship is falling down around my ears! we both have gone through alot since we got together with our own family issues,work issues and insecurity issues and what ever has happened it has always made us stronger. 1 week ago he went away on a boys weekend which he has never done before and i encouraged him to go as i thought he needed to de-stress from his stressful life at the mo. he came back and acted distant with me straight away, i was concerned he had been up to something but he assured me he hadnt and i believe him.
 2 days later he wasnt calling me as much and said he wanted to change his life for e.g be bit more chilled out and not worrying about things. now whenever im upset or hav a prob i will go to him as thats how our relationships works we always supported eachtoher. i picked up a couple of days later the feeling that something wasnt right n he had chnaged towards me. so i discussed it with him and he said i stress him out and he feels im always negative and he doesnt want to have negativity around him all the time. i no i can be quite negative but im trying to be more positive and from that moment i tried to change my attititude as i dont want to loose him. i have been suffering from depression more 6 months and im on tabs and getting help. there have been times ive been really low and its gotton bad for the last 3 months. and thats why i think my boyfriend doesnt see the girl he fell in love with. im not gloomy all the time.
 i was petrified he was going to break up with me. so i kept calling and calling to get reasurrnace BIG MISTAKE!this made him say i stressed him even more! i realised then crying and pleading with him to act the way he was before was not good at all so now ive stopped contacted him altogteher and giving him as much space he needs so im not stressing him out! im deeply in love with this man and we were planning the whole thing kids house marriage etc but im struggling right now and dont know what to do i feel heartbroken  confused   
ps we are still together we havent broken up

Post Edited (lust4life) : 2/6/2011 10:16:21 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 33750
   Posted 2/6/2011 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Try to have faith that this will work out. If it isn't meant to be, it wont. Do give him some space, that could save your relationship. Work on you. Keep with the meds and counseling. Improve yourself constantly. He will come back to you if you don't push it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lust4life
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/6/2011 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks very much for replying i have good support around me and everyone is giving the same advice just leave him alone
im trying to have faith but as im a negative person its hard!
i feel like all i want to do is pick up the phone and call but im not going to i will be strong as i love him so much.
i went through a very painful breakup once before and dont know what id do if i went through another :(
im going to try yoga out this week do you have any more advice on diet etc to help with depression ?
thanks very much

JamesonM
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 2/6/2011 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Exercise helps me the most, enjoying the sunshine on a nice jog somewhere, or even a walk..
Good luck!

Post Edited (JamesonM) : 2/6/2011 8:45:13 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 33750
   Posted 2/6/2011 2:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with the exercise, and the yoga. Walking is what I like to do. Anything to keep yourself occupied and growing inside. Do your own thing and the rest will work itself out.

Eat things close to nature. Processed foods aren't good for us. Try not to eat too much sweets. Avoid a lot of coffee (caffiene) and chocolate isn't good for us, though a treat once in awhile wont hurt you. Small amounts. Eat in moderation. Carbs mostly in the morning, try to avoid them the rest of the day. You are on a road to success.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lust4life
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/6/2011 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for advice he still hasn't called :( it's never been this long I'm so upset I hate the way love can be so painful xx

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 33750
   Posted 2/6/2011 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I know that it is hard. Nothing good comes easy. I think by leaving him alone, it will get him to thinking. If he is still interested he will contact you. I don't know why he has changed since being with the guys.

But as they say "If you love something let it go. If it is yours, it will come back to you. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be." I don't know if those are the exact words, but I tried.

Letting something go is hard. But you have to have faith that it will come back. If it doesn't, then you can move on with your life. The most important thing for you to do right now is to better yourself. If you are in school, work on your studies. If not, take each day and try to learn something. Try to do good things. Live your life the best that you can. I guess what I am saying is you got to live for you. Not for somebody else. Though I know this is hard for you. And it probably feels like the end of the world. But it isn't. We meet many people before we settle down. Most do anyway. This is your time of life to grow and learn. After you settle down, it is raising kids and you are living for them. It isn't easy. So enjoy your life now. Live for you. It isn't selfish. It is what we need to develope and grow and make a future for ourselves.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

lust4life
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/6/2011 4:43 PM (GMT -6)   
you are right im feeling more positive right now im looking forward to the future as everything i go through only makes me stronger.
thanks again
peace and love x

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 11843
   Posted 2/6/2011 7:12 PM (GMT -6)   
good 4 you l4l. walking helps me. keep on keepin' on. your doing well. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32595
   Posted 2/6/2011 7:57 PM (GMT -6)   
L4L,
 
Love hurts !  It does sometimes but it also can be awesome.

Okay...let me tell you first of all that I am an old lady...I am 60 something and that is most likely ancient to you.  But I do remember being young and feeling what you are feeling.  Can I tell you now that you will feel this many times over? 

You are giving your boyfriend a whole lot of power and control over you that he probably does not want.  There is some stupid saying about holding sand...if you squeeze too tightly...the sand leaves your hand.  But if you hold it gently, you can keep holding onto it.

When you say things like  you can't let him go or you couldn't handle if he broke up with you...I worry. 

Do not let this experience make you feel sick or depressed.

I am going to suggest things you may not want to do but...you have to find focus in other things outside of this young man.  He will enjoy you more if you are not so focused upon him each and every moment. 

Let him come to you.  You must be prepared that he may choose to go.  Allow him that option and I bet he will come to you.  If not...it is better that you know now and can move on.

You have so much life ahead.  He may be the one or he may be teaching you things for your future.  Remember this time...it goes so very fast.

We are here for you so use us wisely. We have lots of experience.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

lust4life
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 2/7/2011 2:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks very much. I appreciate your support it means alot to have another opinion on my situation. I'm giving him alot of space and we are talking briefly but we haven't brought up the subject and I'm not going to as I'm not going to push it. I'm getting stronger on my own as I'm learning to do things for myself again which is good. Thanks again x

CandyApple
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/25/2011 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
L4L: I'm interested to see how it has worked out for you. I'm in a very similar situation right now. Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 1 year and he withdrew (this is the 2nd time) and became very distant as well. He got out of a divorce (20 year marriage) about 1 1/2 years ago, has a couple of teenagers and once in a while goes through feelings of doubt about everything.
He had expressed to me that he was in a state of "flux" and that he was uncertain about a lot of things...me being the first person he's been with since his divorce. I understood and told him that maybe we should take a break for a while. Not to see other people, but just to have some time to ourselves and allow him to figure things out.
That was about 4 days ago, and so I contacted him to see how he was doing and see if he was ready to talk and he sort of got snippy with me and said he was still sorting things out and that it wasn't just "his choice." I could tell he was angry about the situation.
I'm heartbroken as well and completely 100% feel your pain. I don't know if he'll end up wanting to be in the relationship or not, and it hurts horribly, not going to lie!! Whether he does or not, like the others said, life does go on, what else can you do. What happens was definitely meant to be and all you can do is to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can! :o)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 33750
   Posted 2/25/2011 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Candy Apple,

I just wanted to sneak in here and welcome you to the forum. Please feel free to start an introductory thread and let us know a little more about yourself. If you are comfortable with that.

I hope that your relationship works out. Maybe your boyfriend has some things on his mind and that might be what is making him snippy. I hope that it works out and that you two are back together soon. If that is what you want.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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