more to life than pigtails?

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condoleezaiscool
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 2/26/2005 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm truly beginning to wonder if I'm crazy. As young as I can remember I've never been able to make any friends. I'm a total loner and I'm 25. Looking for love in all the wrong places got me pregnant and alone, I have a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old and I'm totally isolated, I'll go for weeks without talking to anyone. I really hate shopping, I feel like everyone is staring at me. I've had so many incidents of having to leave a grocery store because I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking I'm wierd or a piece of crap. Am I just crazy? My life is doing my daughter's hair, doing mine, my nails and my eyebrows. Do I need a life? A good book? Is this the way things are supposed to be? Been on and off Paxil for 3 years - any suggestions?

condoleezaiscool
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/1/2005 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Scaredy cat!
I got an appointment at Behavioral Health for tomorrow, I've made a lot of other appointments before but have never showed up, I'm afraid everyone will be looking at me and thinking I'm crazy. I read some of the articles on social anxiety and - wow- they describe my whole life. I'm so lonely and want friends, but I'm afraid of people. And when, for instance, my sister tries to introduce me to her friends at an event or something, I don't know, I feel like I'm trying not to fall out of the circle, the circle of people keeps closing and I keep falling out, and I know how silly I look like I'm afraid the circle of talking people are going to bite but it's like I'm hanging on to stop from drowning - I fall I drown, then I climb into the circle but I'm choking and it's ackward and wierd. That's why I feel maybe I'm crazy, I've always been this way and it seems like everyone gets it except for me. Why don't I get it?!! Well wish me luck for tomorrow and thanks for the resources!

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/2/2005 2:56 AM (GMT -7)   
condoleezaiscool,

your not alone i have felt like this before and i have SAD as well, not sure what level compared to yours, the meds can help and also don't give up force yourself to do the things that normally make you feel scared or shy and time after time you will get better at it , it is treatable just believe in yourself and that you can do it , just give your self time , imagine your training to drive a car for the first time and your very scared its the same thing. it's all in the mind :)
                                                     To be or not to Be


condoleezaiscool
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/4/2005 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
The appointment was ok, it was an intake. My counselor was really nice and I even felt comfortable enough to tell her about the mental breakdowns I've had (been in the hospital twice). It's still all frigg'n embarassing as h#ll, even though the counselor told me a lot of people who come in are a lot like me, just really stressed out w/ no friends. On to another day, hey scaredy I hear ya about being a scaredy cat - when I was talking to the counselor I was talking more to my 3-yr old than to her - like I was talking through her you know what I mean? I hate it when I'm having the mental talk, like "stop talking to your kids and talk to the person! Stop looking so scared! Look in their eyes, stop looking at the floor! Straighten up! Stop giggling so nervously, it wasn't that funny! OMG they can tell I'm scared as h#ll! Stand closer to them!
Trying to look normal is hard! Thanks also Akram for your advice!

condoleezaiscool
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/7/2005 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
That's kinda funny you pulled a muscle in your ribcage, I hate it when I do stupid nervous stuff. The other day I pulled up to my drive-thru bank teller, first I hit the wrong button in my car for the window (the back window), then when I handed her the envelope I hit my head on the top of my open window. The teller saw it all and giggled. So excruciating. I hate it when other people can see how uncomfortable I am and I know they're laughing on the inside (or in that case the outside) but I just can't help it. It's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling so ackward!
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