Call me ..Don't Let This Happen to you....

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LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/1/2005 11:31 PM (GMT -7)   
 
This is my Baby Boy, and I miss him so much , that I can't figure out how I am going ot live through the night without him.
 
He took his own life and we are not sure why. He was found alone on my father's 65th Birthday on a bike path near a train station, and Buried 5 days before his only sibiling (a Beautiful Sister, Nicole) 16th birthday.
 
It hurts so much for me to not be able to hug him, not be able to tell him that I Love him and not hear him say it back.
 
Here is his story.
 
October 2004, MIchael left his fathers home on the south side of Chicago. Backpack on his back, CD Player on his ears, riding his sisters bike to head to a friends house after being alone, drinking and feeling god knows what. As he tried to cross through a very bad intersection he was struck by a car. His injuries were horrid, broken femur, shatttered elbow, but he lived. As I sat next to his bed his friends came to me one by one, all scared, and in disbelief that he was so injured, scared that they were going to have to bury a friend. They started telling me stories, Michael would drink and get out of control, Michale would drink and talk about death, Michael would drink and try to hurt himself and they would have to stop him. A few said they were afraid to be around him at times, and that there were parties they avoided going to because they thought if they took Michael he would surely end up dead.
My son had two very serious surgeries and survived that horrid accident. All the while he was in the hospital I tried so desperately to talk to him, he was in so much pain, physically that I couldnt tell what was in his heart. I started to ask him questions and he came up with answers like, "teenagers are all about the party" , " mom, dont worry , its all about fun", "MOM, stop I know what I am doing". I figured he never lied to me and he never would, and I told him, if he ever needed any one to talk to that he should let me know. I told him that I was always going to be there no matter what, I toild him everything I could to try to get him to open up. He never did.
 
Released from the Hospital stuck at home to have his Dad tend to his needs, no walking allowed for 8 weeks, no crutches because no pressure could be put on the elbow that was reconstructed, wheel chair, bed, couch..That is all he did until Christmas when he was finally told he could start to walk again.
 
He spent New Years with his friends out in downtown CHicago celebrating, and seemed fine. He decided to go back to school, so together he and I worked it out, got things fixed up so that he could get back into the new semester.
Started School.
 
Feb 2005 around the beginning of the month, I get sick, end up in the hospital and when I finally get out I call him to let him know I am ok, and that I want him to think about comming to visit me and hissister and step dad for a weekend. I told him, no promises, just come when you would like, you are always welcome here, this is your home too. "OK MOM, I will Think about it". I was elated, I have him at least thinking about it.
 
Valentines day 2005, Michael called me 4 or 5 times (i think 5) and apologized for the way he acted in the hospital,
apologized for calling me up drunk and swearing at me, called me up just to say he loved me, and everytime we would finish a conversation , he ended it with "I Love You". The last phone call he made to me on Valentines day was one that I had long waited for, He wanted to visit us on the weekend!
 
I was extatic, we agreed that I would pick him upon Friday and take him home on Saturday. We talked about a few things that I wanted to do for him, have a family dinner with all his aunts and Grandma, and his only uncle on my side of the family. Shooping for Clothes or what ever he needed or even wanted. He thought it was a great idea.
 
I went and got him and we had the most awesome weekend. I had never seen him smile so much, I was so happy to see that he was healed well, and that his heart seemed happier. He and I sat up and watched a movie, talked and laughed. It felt great, he was normal again, his old self. I took him home and spoke with his Dad and said he was such a joy, I was not concerned about what his friends said at all. We had a great time. ON Monday during my lunch break I called him, just to let him know that I loved him and that I had such a great time, and I wanted to make sure he felt good about the visit, he said he did, he sounded so happy. We started to make plans for the next visit. Tuesday I was feeling ill, needed to see a doctor, he called, needed a few dollars for bus fair to get to school, and gas money in case he wanted to  borrow his uncles car he would have gas money. I told him I would send it when I was finished at the doctors office. I never got around to sending the money, with not feeling good, having to run about the town to tend to my medical needs, just wasnt going to be able to do it that day.
 
He left his fathers house on foot, went to see a friend. Pawned his XBox for cash since I didnt send him anything. Went back to his friend and asked for a ride to the bus stop. She gave him a ride. Drug store on the corner and he walked in...what happened after that is every mothers nightmare.....
 
That was Tuesday Feburary 22, 2005
 
Thursday Feburary 24, 2005
5:15-5:30pm,
My phone rings,
Its Michael's Dad
Have I talked to Michael?
What's the cell phone number, Dad forgot to write it down.
I go online to look at the cell phone logs,
THe last call from his cell phone
9:36pm Feb 22, 2005 to a friend.
I call that friend, he hasnt seen him, talke dto him yes and he was drunk, but hasnt seen him.
I call the friend before that last call, shes the one who dropped him off at the bus stop, next to the drug store.
I call his Dad, whom has left a message on the cell phone, maybe itd dead because he has been gone for two days and has no charger.
I start calling hospitals, and police stations.
I finally get someone who wants a description of him
5'7 or 9"
120-130 pounds
Blue Eyes that sparkle
Sandy Blonde hair
Whats he wearing , I dont know
Who was he with
Hes alone
Got on a bus headed to the college your town is on that bus route
Well, I'll call you back, let me see what I can find out
10:00pm
His dad Calls
Do I know anything
NOPE
OK at 10:30 Dad will file a missing person report with the Chicago Police.
11:15 my phone rings again, I jump out of bed..
Faintly I keep hearing,
he gone
hessss  gggone
he gone
who is this
i cant hear you
what are you saying
someone else gets on the phone
The police were just here,
Michael was found dead....................................................................
 
 
 
My life ended
 
 
 
This goes so much deeper..I know that...it doenst happen over night..I know that...
 
WHat everyone with depression needs to know is
 
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE LOVED..
 
 
I CAN LOVE YOU
 
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/2/2005 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
liza, this is a very touching story i'm very sorry about Michael this is a great tragedy , for anyone who is deppresed we have got something to learn from it and apply in our own life.

it is very dificult to speak to deppresed people sometimes, my younger brother is also deppresed like me and i can never communicate normally to him, he doesn't ever want to open up except if we get him angry then he starts screaming his issues one after another. he does live a normal life even better than mine but i can't help and worry about him and what will happen to him. he is still young also about 24 and has some things to learn yet in life and i hope he learns them in a good way.

may god be with you liza, and i wish you the best in this life and the next..
                                                     To be or not to Be


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 3/2/2005 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Liza, thanks so much for sharing with us such a firghtening and sad exepeince, I beleive it will help save a life. Both my chidlren are bipolar, and my youngest is also mildy autistic. My son is 10, i have seen him try to jump over a deck, he has jumped out of my moving car, he has tryed to knock his teeth out, so we had no altenative but to turn to medications, which have greatly helped. I hope thats its ok that I share your story with others, as you said it may just save a life. It makes me feel more confident in the decisoins I have had to make regarding whether are not to medicate my kids, but when they are mainc depressive, and know amount of counsleing is helped, unfortuanly turning to meds has truly been a life saver in my eperience. Thanks again for sharing with us...Love...Sheryl
***Take Care.....Sheryl***
 
SERENITY PRAYER: "GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE........


Mary-Anne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 508
   Posted 3/2/2005 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Liza, I have no words, but I promise you, I will hug my children every day - I have my own Michael, my little bunnyboy, he's 8.  Children are precious.

My prayers are with you, remember, you, too, are not alone...reach out to others, let yourself be taken care of...receive what others offer...

my deepest sympathies...


Blessings, Mary-Anne
"When I call on Jesus, all things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles, and soar..."


FinalNirvana
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 3/2/2005 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry. I could never begin to comprehend your pain but my deepest love goes out to you. Thank you for trying to help us, you seem like a wonderful person.

Ginny
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 3/2/2005 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Liza,
I can't even begin to comprehend your pain and devestation right now. I don't have children, but I love my family with all my heart. I will always tell them they're loved.
Life is a precious thing. We can't take it for granted. What has happened to you and your family is terrible and so sad. I will pray for your peace and comfort during this time.
I'm blessed to know you and blessed to know that you feel comfortable talking about what happened with all of us. I hope we can offer the support you need, from friends that don't even know what each other looks like. My condolences are with Michael's dad and sister too......
 
lots of love
Ginny
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Diagnosed with lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, anti-phospholipid syndrome(stroke),Sjogren's, seizure disorder, Raynauds, vasculitis, food allergies

Prednisone, Imuran, Coumidin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Paxil, micronor, didrocal, monopril, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Acidophilus

 

 



phndoc
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2003
Total Posts : 495
   Posted 3/2/2005 10:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Lisa, Thank you for your story...I know that it was very hard for you to write it. I wish I counld just put my arms around you and hold you. Your family are in my prayers... Lisa you are a blessing to us all. Love always
Enjoy what you can today and leave the rest for another day - Frank


mom46
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 8198
   Posted 3/3/2005 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Liza,
   I'm so glad you are sharing your story as painful as it is . I do believe Michael will help save others. By you opening up to us and letting people know what you and your family have gone through and letting everyone know what type of person Michael is, is a blessing to some one out there who may be feeling they don't have anything left to live for in this world.
   I think once someone reads Michael's story it will make them think about what  is really going on in their life and how it may be effecting their family.  Its so hard for us as parents to understand what our kids have to deal with each day but, their are others out there that may have the same thoughts as Michael and realize this is not the thing to do.
   God Bless You, Liza and Michael is a gardian angel in heaven now watching over everyone.
JOB 5:18    For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.


Donna38
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 306
   Posted 3/3/2005 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Liza,

   sad   I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your sad story with all of us.(I couldn't stop crying)I know words can never heal the pain but I hope knowing you have this site to come to and new friends to talk with will help you cope. If you ever need to talk all of us will be here for you. I know this is a hard time for you and your family. How is Nicole(16 right) holding up? If you want let her chat with us too for support. I hope you are all seeking medical help for your grief. I wish you and yours the best and may god bless you and all that you do. I hug and kiss my kids everyday or as often as they will let me, and tell them I love them. God bless you, you and your family will be in my prayers always.

                                               Donna


Red09
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 3/3/2005 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Liza, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you and I don't even know you!!! It's sad and an awful loss. Nothing I can say here will take away your pain, but we all DO care.

Find a good therapist and start healing. It will take a long time, and it will be painful, but don't go through it alone, don't isolate yourself ever. Always reach out.

I will write more later this morning, I read your post and had to reply to it now before I head out for afew hours.

Love your daughter, and your family. Keep them close.

Hugs to you because you need as many as you can get right now.

Red09


Ralph
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/4/2005 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Liza

I have two grown children and a stepson. You raised your family as well as you could, and by your words it seems you are a great mother. You can be the best there is, but there is nothing you can do to put yourself in the mind of your offspring.


I sat here and cried reading about your situation. There is nothing to do but grieve for him and let time heal the hurt. I know that is easy to say when you are not faced with the tragedy in you lives, but I have lost loved ones and their memory remains with me.

You have us to comfort you and feel free to talk to us when you can. You are a most brave and courageous person to share and perhaps help someone facing the same situation in their lives.

softy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 3/4/2005 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Liza. I would like to wrap my arms around you right now and give you a great big hug. My heart is breaking for you and your family. Thank you for sharing the story of your incredible boy with us. I pray for peace and comfort for you during this time Liza.
God Bless, Softy
 


Jo A223
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 3/6/2005 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Liza, There is really nothing anyone can say at a time like this.As the mother of a son with bipolar, I walk in fear of what you and your family are experiencing right now.The Serenity prayer is really all that helps me when I have to go to his apartment after not hearing from him for days, and not know WHAT I'm going to find.No one that isn't in our shoes, doesn't know what tha means..to not know 'what we'll find'But honestly, there are things we just can't change(we're not meant to for what reason we'll find out in God's plan)I know this may not help but I agree just don't shut yourself off...talk , cry, rage(in a controlled way)to get the hurt out.God bless and comfort all your family

DavidP
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/8/2005 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Liza,
 
That was extremely touching. The fact that at this time, you are thinking how you can help others in a similar position shows what a caring , loving person you are.
My heart goes out to you.
((((((()))))))

LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 6/14/2005 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Bumping this up,
 
 looks like a few new people could use some encouragement
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 6/14/2005 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   

As I read this story, I kept saying "Oh my God". This is a chilling story of true life and Liza, God bless you for what you have had to endure. No one knows what our thoughts and feelings are. We keep them deep inside and can hide them real good. Sometimes we even can fool ourselves. My prayers are with you. Please post again. You can be a help to a lot of members.

 

"Lefty"


There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


barbra
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/14/2005 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
There are no words to express what you must be feeling, I have 4 children of my own ages 27 - 9 , I just cant imagine losing a single one of them, although I nearly lost my oldest son to a car wreck 12 years ago..was in intensive care many days and has metal plates in head, but he is alive and doing ok. I am just so sorry for your loss, and grieve as well, all my love to you and your family. May God be with you.

damwinston
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 6/18/2005 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Just bumping up again.
Thank you for sharing with us. I wish I knew how I help. let me know if I can.
Take care of yourself,
love,
dammy
Thanks for listening.
If I can do anything to help you please let me know.
 
"Someone's opinion of you doesn't have to become your reality."


curley
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 6/19/2005 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
HI,

I'am just so sorry about your son.I have not had to go through any thing like that but I can only imagen what you have been though.I feel for you.

I will keep you in my payers and my thought's that you get better.Please keep us up-to date on how you are doing.

Curley....
a.k.a.Mela.....

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/19/2005 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Lisa............I can feel your pain honestly ....in 2 days it will be the 15th yr anniversary of my lil boys death ........nothing is harder than having to bury our children .......they say time heals wounds well to a certain extent for me it has but every year at that time I stop and think of what could have been if only ..........My heart goes out to you and if you need to talk my info is there please please get in touch ............God Bless and Keep You Strong ..........Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn


vanessa 418
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 6/19/2005 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lisa and everyone who has contributed to this conversation. I am so sorry for your loss. You must be going through hell. My beautiful 17 year old daughter was murdered three years ago. Unfortunately she got involved with drugs and this led to her murder. She was strangled and left naked in a back alley. I couldn`t have her funeral for 1 month. I couldn`t kiss her goodbye, because of the murder investigation and could only see her through a glass screen for a short time. The pain was unbearable. I try to get on with my life, but its not easy. It`s true what they say, time does heal and it does get easier. It helps to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences. God bless you all. Vanessa

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/19/2005 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
So sorry for your loss Vanessa sad. I can' imagine.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie      "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
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DiamondPrincess
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/24/2005 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Liza, your post really touches me that after all you are going through, you are trying to help other people. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I'm so sorry for your loss of Michael.
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