some advise pls on how to find happiness??

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limsy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/11/2005 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
happiness? in a world where suffering in binged on, thrown up and choked on
then forced out and ignored. I can't.
It stays every waking moment, nightmares if sleep
trapped inside my head invincible, hidden from all others
screaming, haunting, can i ever find happiness?
all around there is much pain...
its so unfair, so unreasonable..
i try to shoulder as much pain as I can and carry it around as my guilt
my heart bleeds for lives lost worth so much more than mine
i walk through life being ugly, feeling ugly, acting ugly
and everyday i sit in loathing at the oppurtunity of life i have been given
i shy from it, hold it in contempt, even wish it away...
 
will i survive?
am i really living a life? smurf
 

LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/11/2005 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Limsy,
 
We all strive to find happiness. It's harder for some of us to do so than others, that's a no brainer. I personally try to start with the little things and work my way to the bigger things. I recently lost my son, he took his own life. FOr days I cried and cried and even thought of taking my own life in the same way that he took his. Then I remembered things like his smile, somethig that I know I will never see again, but I wait paitiently thinking that someday a glimpse of his spirt might show up around a corner with that smile on it. I try to remember what things were like when he was alive, his laugh and his touch. Then there are the loved ones around me, providing support, I stop and think of the happy times I have had with them.
 
I know these arent things that will help you, but they are ideas of how you can look around you past the depression or the gloom of what you see as your life and see that there are lots of reasons to be happy, even a little bird singing can possibly show you that it istn all bad here. Give yourself a goal, currently mine is thinking of ways that I can save one persons life, if I can just stop one person from taking thier own life like my son Michael did, then I think that is a huge accomplishment.
 
If you need to talk to someone then talk, even if its a stranger or just typing out whats bothering you in a word document, get it out, and no matter what anyone says, if it's bothering you , you need to talk about it.
 
I will say a prayer for you and if you need to chat with me let me know we can share email or talk on IM.
 
Best of luck to you
 
Hugs
 
Liza 
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/12/2005 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi limsy, and lisa nice post there

First remember limsy your not alone. everyday i wake up from bed, i wonder why i am up why not just keep sleeping all day, i find that my job is boring , i feel i am worthless.... when i go to sleep i keep wondering what is wrong with me and i stay 3 hours usually at bed just not getting anything i want off my head to have a sound sleep.

But i keep going, searching and hoping for happinies..

I am so lazy and sleepy person but i keep searching and looking for something to wake me up and find a reason to live...

The reasons to live are there, they are around us but people like us have a problem seeing them. tell yourself the reason is there you just have to notice it. and i wish you well :)

I don't like who i am as well , and i feel like a failure most of the time ,.
                                                     To be or not to Be


limsy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/12/2005 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   

thank u, liza for taking the time out to reply to my post, i'm sorry for your loss, and i too say a prayer for you and yours sadly departed.

Your words, so sincere.. made me cry a bit.. mostly for my selfishness and also because i imagine you to be a strong and resilient woman like my nan was, my mum is and my sisters are. Already you help me remember the promise i made for them and my nieces and nephew.. never again to try and take my own life or self harm no matter how hard it gets...

You see I love, and i know they love me too but somehow in this my depression or whatever, love is not the solution.

I lost my Nan 2 christmases ago. i also find myself yearning for some sign from her.. some words of wisdom to let me know that she knows and it'll all be ok. Its not so easy for me to talk to people about my depression and although so many times i got my strength from wrapping my arms around her and burying my head in her chest, breathing in her scent.. she also had the most uncanny ability to say exactly the right thing :-)   But my Nana did all this without ever knowing that i suffered from depression. Now she's gone i regret that deeply. What if she knew exactly the right thing to say to make me not feel like this anymore?

i was first diagnosed with depression when i was 15, self harming since i was 13 not tried to take my own life or self harmed in 5 years and suddenly i woke up on thursday morning (i can't beleive thats all it was.. it feels like months) and i couldn't get it out of my head. Its almost like its not under your direct control, and the thoughts they start to overide common sense. I remember feeling like this, but i never used to talk.
 
Am in therapy, on meds and all that stuff.. but really i am starting to believe that there is no hope for some of us. Like we aren't meant to survive. Life is so shallow and pointless and at the same time there's so much pain and suffering. I watch other people.. try to find how they cope and from what i've seen thats all anyone ever does cope. None of them are truly happy all the time from what i've seen thats nearly impossible. Everyone settles. They see only what they want to see and they feel only what they want to feel.
 
xxx
 
 
 

limsy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/12/2005 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Akram,

thank u for replying to my post too. add hypocrite to my list of sins because i hate it when people put themselves down. i read some of your previous comments and you provide such good advice to so many lost souls mine now included that you can delete lazy,failure and worthless from the list of words u use to describe urself. Thank you for taking the time to answer my post. i hope you too find ur reason to live well, long and happily and i wish you all the best ...

Limsyxx


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/13/2005 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Limsy, i just describe the feelings that come to me, i don't let them win though and i certainly not giving up anytime soon so don't worry! what i believe in is that the fight is continues and even if i don't score 100% win, i ain't going to score 100% loss either, just doing my best!
                                                     To be or not to Be


LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/13/2005 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Limsy,

Start with trying to find one thing to smile about a day. It works for me.
When you can do that everyday for a week then start talking to your loved ones , even if they are departed, I talk to my son everyday.
Therapy will help you, but you have to want to help yourself, you have to search deep inside yourself and find a reason sometimes, even if its to get on here and see what I or someone else has written.

You are worth something, even to me, you are here for a reason and maybe its to help open someone else's eye to how bad depression can affect one person or a whole family.

Never think you are worthless, just remember we all have a path and when our path if finished God will call us home. Finish your path and find a smile somewhere in your heart to put on your face even if it is for a moment. It will make you get through the day.

If that doesn't work I will send you pictures of my fat cat cleaniung herself.

Hugs for you and remember, to me you mean something, and you are worth my time.

Liza
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 3/14/2005 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
To elaborate on your question limsey, how does one become a happy person, when things are supposedly ok. I have always been told I am a very serious person, why dont you smile. I do sometimes, but I am not the happy go lucky person that everybody wants me to be, I need to learn how to be happy, or at least fake it, I figure if I fake being happy long enough it wil become happy. I do have some good resoans for beig depressed, and my upbring sucked, but I know there are alot worse individuals out there than I,and I feel so guilty for being derpessed. Liza I think about you often throughput my day, and when I talk to God I tell him, I fel so quiltty for feeling this way, and I think of you and how strong you are, and i just feel even guiltier for feeling depressed. There is too much deatail right now to explain why I feel so bad, but I trust the healing well community, and I really just needed to write and express my sorrow alittle with people I trust. Thanks for listening...
***Take Care.....Sheryl***
 
SERENITY PRAYER: "GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE........


LizaB
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 3/14/2005 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Believe me I have my moments of weakness too. I am on several meducations right now to help me deal with the death of my son.
But I do have a husband and a daughter that still need me, even when I am depressed. I have talked to them about my depression, and sometimes they dont understand they seem to make up for it by putting a smile on my face when they do something goofy.

It truly is ok to be sad, depressed and even feel worthless, it shows that you are human, but what you have to do is find your own way of pulling yourself out of it and showing yourself that you can be better than what everyone is expecting.

Hugs to all


Liza
Hug Your Children Everyday, and Tell Them That You Love Them
In Memory of My Son:
Michael Joesph Palazzolo
April 19, 1985 - Feburary 24, 2005
 


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 3/14/2005 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Limsy, you're only a hypocrite if you proclaim a goal, knowing that you do not believe it to be right. You're not a hypocrite if you say you want to do something, and then you fail to do it sometimes. That's called being human - and until you fail, you can't understand others failings. And who knows, maybe your failures will help others here live with their own problems. yeah

( nono If you want consistency, try porridge - you'll rarely find it in the human race !)

 
Have you recently changed meds by any chance ? Not to alarm you, but some of them are associated with impulsive behaviour, mood swings, etc, and the way you describe suddenly waking up with the wish to self-harm makes me wonder what the trigger was.
 
I don't agree with what you say about people only ever coping, not ever really being happy, and so on. But that's probably because I used to feel the same way, and nowadays my life could not be more different.
Being happy isn't something you try to do, it's most often a side-effect of what you do. When you get the world in focus, then you start to be able to see the flowers by the roadside. If you are managing to set and achieve goals, be they long-term or short-term, large or small, then you can take pride in yourself for what you manage to do, and generally you will feel happier because you feel you are entitled to whatever enjoyment you can find along the way.
  eyes Easier said than done, of course. Sometimes the thought patterns and negative emotions aren't the trigger for depression, but the result of a chemical imbalance - endogenous depression. I tried different antidepressants for ten years before I found one that would actually get rid of my Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Yes, I still get down; I'm depressed about the break up of a relationship, and about the fact that I have health problems that stop me doing what I want, and I cry in my sleep sometimes. And if I was to look at things in purely material terms, it's a crying shame that a man with my talents isn't earning megabucks and turning the world on its head, so I should be miserable. You could say I'm "just coping" by ignoring what I'm missing out on, and enjoying what little I do have. 
But I've spent so much time screwing up and failing to finish things or simply standing by and watching without contributing, that now I find I recognise the situations and know what to do, what advice to give others. So even if I'm not where I want to be in my life, I can do a power of good for others, and that is a joy that has to be felt to be believed. yeah
Just by posting here - just by caring about the people in this world, instead of using them as so many do - you are helping who knows how many strangers to see that they are not alone in their imperfections, that the world isn't just full of those shiny happy people who coast along effortlessly (and don't give a darn).
Looking for perfection is a sure road to misery. Trying for "better" gives your self-esteem a chance. yeah

Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 3/14/2005 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
This response would be in correlation to my own experiences so don't take this as this group's response. The members will give you their hinest opinions and advice.
 
Finding happiness is a very deep subject. It depends on your present issues, what is pulling you down and how your everyday life is in general. Happiness can come in many shapes and forms. It's how you interpret them. Sometimes I set goals that are out of reality and that's when I get very depressed. So, I set goals that realistically can be acheived. Happiness is a state of mind according to my thoughts. Things that make me happy go from new pictures of my family to horsing around on my bed with my two dogs. Please make no mistake. Happiness can disappear as fast as it came. Not everyone finds happiness in the same way if they find it at all. You have to ask yourself what kind of happiness do you want and set your sites on that, however, don't make it too far out of reach because if you do and don't succceed, you will be even more depressed than you are now. Good lick and God bless!
 
H@LF 
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


limsy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/18/2005 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
wow!,
 
i s'pose there's some people in life that in a way justify my depression.. i think, 'why should i bother to live in a world like this?  unfortuntately those people seem to be infinetly more easy to find than people on this site , you all speak words that ring true and there's such a comfort in reading your words.. you're people who've obviously been there and are finding the strength to go on.. you guys make me feel more ashamed because more and more i think that something is changed in my head something that makes me not want to find good people anymore..
when i read your msg snohare i felt that i had misunderstood something about happiness, tho is till don't know what.. i'll keep reading it and maybe it'll come to me.. i've tried the whole pretend to be happy = happiness thing, but all that did was distance me from reality, i wasn't sure who i was anymore the person in my head or the person everyone thought i was?? i understand that not everyone is happy, but even the little things that should make me happy don't.. yes i see the beauty of life in individual things.. but i am also so aware of the ugliness in life and the pain and hurt that it brings everyone, so even when i am happy, i am sad.. suicide is always in my heart its like something that follows me.. and maybe the catalyst for me was in my childhood and my life and all this, but all that has just opened me up to a world that is full of pain, not just my own pain but all pain...
 
i am curious about how you know i've changed meds tho, could it all be physiological surely not? i mean i was on a medication before but i felt like i wasn't in control anymore of my thoughts? i felt like i was watching myself live my life? This is why i stopped taking it but then i got even more depressed?? couldn't get out of bed etc.. my mum had to come and look after me so we decided to switch meds and now although i feel more control of myself and more clear headed and stuff i am also decidedly more obsessed with my depression and analysing it and stuff.. i don't know.. i mean my behaviour is not out of the ordinary i used to self harm and have episodes in the middle of the night and stuff, when its all quiet and everyone is sleeping but i haven't had them for a while not while i was on other meds anyway but i don't know if i prefer to be clear headed and in charge of my depression which comes with days when i can't get out of bed or being on autopilot all the time and not knowing who i am..
 
All the best and thank you,
Limsy xx

Post Edited (limsy) : 3/18/2005 5:56:31 AM (GMT-7)


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 3/19/2005 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, you will survive. You need to have more confidence and sure of yourself. When you think you can't go on, take the burden of dealing with a family who lost a loved one to violence. That's what humbles me!
 
God bless
H2LF
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/20/2005 1:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Limsy,

if you have feelings of being ashamed because of how you deal with your deppresion it is a good thing thats what my doctor told me , guilt is the first step of working on your attidude and its normal we all feel guilty if we don't do things right and that is the normal human reaction. so don't block it and listen to your self inside and find what makes you feel proud or feel guilty. work on it slowly and step by step don't expect big leaps of improviment work on something good and new you can do each day and slowly you will recover and start feeling better.

being guilty or ashamed is not nessserly a bad thing , if you have pain use it to get your self better and better! don't give in to deppresion! you know you can do better keep the faith in your self and remember the real you is always there

Good luck!
                                                     To be or not to Be

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