So I've been browsing through the different subjects and read the responses too... Seems that it all boils down to having a goal, a dream, or a reason to make our life worth it for ourselves. But see that's the part I get stuck at. I've tried making my job my life. I work with people who have mentally illness, everything from mild depression to chronic and persistent schizophrenia. I thought that helping people would make me feel better, but it didn't. I’ve tried focusing on finding my natural mother, found her and that to proved to be slightly disappointing. But the cool thing is I found her and we do have a relationship. Tried focusing on having a family. The thing is I have no children of my own, and any time I tried to get involved with some one who has, I’m only invited into the families a little, and at their convenience. Makes a person feel like there is some thing wrong with them. (Oh, if I only could find that one thing) So it makes me feel insecure and feel like I’ve failed again. So then what’s next, a new goal. Hmm… I’m get stuck again because I’m afraid of screwing it up again. Yet I enter into the same insanity and expect different results every time. I expect something bad to happen to me to the point of almost willing it to happen. Then when it does happen, I hate myself for being right.