Made a run for the border

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Melli
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/18/2005 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I decided to take the weekend off and visit my mom. She lives in Ontario Canada and I live in Michigan, USA. So it is a nice chance to just get away and think for a few days. I need to figure out what it is in life that I really want. I know that someday I want to be in a place where I am able to settle down with someone and grow old. But I guess I need to do some things to get ready for that. So time to start planning and get ready.
 
Hoping that everyone is having a good weekend.
 
Melli


Melli - As soon as humankind began to discover the truth about itself, we began to find ways to cover up that truth. But maybe that's for the best: Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 3/18/2005 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that it is difficult to face the future and set "goals". I know that the thing I finally realized that I wanted to be happy with myself and that the happiness came from inside of me not from what I could buy or how I was feeling with this DD. Don't know if this makes sense to you, not sure if it does to me. Good luck in finding yourself and the direction you want in life.
 

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

 
Randy


Melli
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/19/2005 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks CheerDad for your reply. So many times I've tried to just be happy with myself. I've certainly overcome a great many obstacles in my life, and will continue to jump the hurdles. I've beaten drug addictions, I've paid back bad debt, and I've got a good job helping other people, but loving myself isn't just going to hit me like a bolt of lightening from above. I know that loving myself is something that comes from within and should come naturally. That's why I've decided to go back to therapy and find out why I have such a low self-esteem. There is nothing about me that I should hate so much. I've forgiven other people for more than I have ever done.
 
Most of my problem is, if I am such a great person, why can't I have a life time relationship that last more than 4 years. If it were just one person I could understand and say that it was their problem. But everyone I've been in a relationship with tells me there is something wrong with me. I've heard everything from, I'm too angry, I'm too depressed, I have bad karma. I know I shouldn't put so much into wanting a lasting relationship, but doesn't everyone want to be with someone? At least 95% of the world I would think. But because just about everyone I love has left me, I enter into a new relationship with insecurities and doubts. What a way to begin eh?
 
So I've got to work out a way to be at least ok with myself for now, or I will never get out of this endless cycle. Everyone tells me to get a hobby to fill my time. But there are so many to pick from and they can be costly. how do you pick one to try to see if you like it?
Melli - As soon as humankind began to discover the truth about itself, we began to find ways to cover up that truth. But maybe that's for the best: Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/19/2005 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
hey meli,

I have a few hobby suggestions . have you ever tried yoga? or aerobics or dancing leasons? any of the these three might be very intresting to try i think. specially yoga i heard yoga is picking up in the US and there is many instructors. there is nothing like physical exsersive then a hot bath or sawna it is so relaxing for the mind.

if that does not work , if your found of reading books that's also a very postive thing to do. as long as you find a book that intrests you. i know that many people who hate reading books if they find a certain book they are intrested in they might spend a lot of time reading it. for me i hate reading books, but i like chineeze histroy for some reason and i found a very intresting book about romance of the three kingdoms. it is only a novel not a true story but it is very well writen and translated to english i found it captivating. so search for the type of book that you might like to read i know it is not eazy but be sure there is a book out there for you but you have to discover it!

you say you have bad karma or something like that. well i feel the same about myself and i feel there is not much i can do about my karma but i certainly don't duel too much about it , i try to keep a positive image when i am communicating with friends or family i try to be myself and focus on that and that makes me feel happy and proud of myself. if you feel ok about your self then people who surround you will also feel comfortable with you because it is how nature works, so you have to work on the inside and on your self it takes time and don't give up ok?

Visiting your mum is a cool thing, and i hope you have a fun and safe journey, may god be with you. it is mothers day for us on 21st of marsh ( i think for you it is 2nd sunday of may hehe ) be good to your mumy and remember how she raise you from a baby , and work so hard for you and that you have to do the same for your kid one day.

I suggest you find a husbend and look for someone who really respect a marage. since you want to grow old with him get a spirtual person, whos positive don't go for a heavy metal or gothic guy, or someone who don't beleave in good because you seem to be a person who beleave in god and you should look for someone who is like you , and that will help your marrage work better. you are a sensative person and you need to have security and kids , and mother responsibilaties that is all natural.

have a good one!
                                                     To be or not to Be


CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 3/19/2005 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Melli,

If yo need to chat I am on yahoo messenger or my email is posted on the site. There is good in you, i noticed it from your first post. Let me know if I can do anything for you.
 

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

 
Randy

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