Feeling Hopeless

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Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 3/21/2005 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't posted here in a while. I have been so depressed I just have a hard time talking to anyone. Things have really escalated at home. My son has been getting in trouble at school. His interest in knives and explosives seem to have become an obsession with him. He got suspended twice in the past few weeks, the last time he bought a smoke bomb at school and he is suspended pending expelsion (?), his therapist said he may need to be removed from our home because he hasn't been able to reach him and we haven't been able to either. He said it's getting to a point to where he could be considered a threat to the community because no matter what we tell him he still keeps wanting to do it. And each time what he does gets bigger and bigger. No one thinks he wants to hurt anyone, but he is not making good choices.
 
I feel like this is my fault. I knew how my husband treated him, yelling and taking his anger out on him all his life, and I didn't do anything about it until a few months ago. It's just too late. I don't think I would be able to handle it if they took him away. We are having an assessment & testing by a private doctor and requested an IEP through the school. Hopefully someone can figure something out. I am dying inside. I know I have to hang on to help him, but its getting really hard. 
Terri B
 
 


RainDance
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 253
   Posted 3/21/2005 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi SadGirl...

You are really going thru a trial and I'm sure it's taking its toll on you. 

When I read what you wrote, I hurt inside for you and your son.  I have one daughter and seven grand children.  There isn't anything more precious to me than those people.  I can't imagine how I would handle anything like what you are surviving.

I have to tell you that I am certainly not qualified to address your concerns but, only can give you comfort and remind you that there is always hope.. always a chance for the help to work.

How old is your son?

Just a thought but, if he's in high school, with enough credits to graduate, maybe a career in the military where he can channel his interests in explosives, into a useable talent.

I'm sure you and the professionals involved have thought of just about everything.  I have found in my own experience that kids get a bit troublesome when they are bored.  Add a bit of internal turmoil to it and they start to get into trouble.  Maybe some kind of employment would give him some self respect and a sense of self worth. 

Take each new day as a new chance that there will be a breakthrough for him; a new opportunity for change.. if not today, then tomorrow will be better.  Don't give up hoping; he's worth it.

Be sure you are getting plenty of rest also; we can tolerate things better when we are not tired.

Good luck and God bless.  Let us know how you and your son are doing.


RainDance
 
We get through this one day at a time.. :)


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 3/21/2005 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Raindance. He's 14. I'm trying to keep up hope, it's getting harder. Problems at home with my husbands anger and then my sons, now this have been going on too long. I was in a very violent first marriage and thought the second one would be so much better....anyway I can't write any happy thoughts so I'm going to go...
 
 
Thanks again,
 
Terri
Terri B
 
 


RainDance
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 253
   Posted 3/21/2005 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey, Sadgirl..

I remember days I couldn't write or think happy thoughts, and I spent part of those days writing my sad and angry thoughts to a friend who listened, without judging me.

Letting these thoughts and feelings bubble out is sometimes helpful, as we can only hold so much.  That's why this Forum is here; it's a place we can off-load some of the yuck without fear of pointing fingers, placing blame or judgement. 

And besides, when you are off-loading, maybe someone else who has "been there done that," will have an idea that may help.

I can hear in your tone your feelings and can only remind you that this trouble will pass.  You will endure it and you will come out of it; if not today, then tomorrow. 

There are a couple of different approaches.. gentle love and tough love.  I remember a few weeks ago, watching either the Discovery Channel or Learning Channel or the like, about a boy's ranch in Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, somewhere like that, that boys go to live at for a time period.  They are expected to maintain a certain level of school work, attitude, etc but, the one factor that made this a good place in my mind was, it is a working ranch.  Horses.  Each boy is responsible for his horse:  Feeding, health etc.  One kid they followed was responsible for helping a mare as she had her foal.  He was a changed kid.
 
The people running it say that when a teen is given responsibility over these creatures, they see miracles happen in the kids. 
 
The man running the place was a soft spoken person that even on the tv, I liked.  He just seemed to have an intuitive sense about what these boys needed.
 
Anyway, I hope there is a solution and healing for all of you soon.
 
Please write and let us know how you are doing.  God Bless..
 
 
RainDance
 
We get through this one day at a time.. :)


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 3/21/2005 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Sweet Sadgirl,

Please don't give up hope. Obvioulsy your son needs help but it sounds to me like you could use some too. You have a lot of issues standing in the way of a happy life. You may want to seek some counceling for yourself.

Please know that where there is life...there is hope. My son passed away 5 years ago. I would give anything to have him back. Cherish your son and work with him. Show him your love it will be stronger than the anger he feels. Even if he has to go away for a while, he's still your son and you still have him. Hold him dear!

Hugs & Love,
Chutz
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 3/22/2005 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Chutz,
 
I'm actually doing both. My therapist just increased my visits to twice a week. Because my husband has always been so angry, I have given extra love and listened to my son because I felt he needed to know he was loved and someone was listening. I think thats why it makes this so hard. Thanks all for your support and advice. I'll try and be strong.
 
Terri
Terri B
 
 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/23/2005 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe you can send the boy to a boarding school? it might help him get some displine in his life. they will always be watched in there and maybe he can develop him self better.. and at the same time it would relief you from having to deal with his bad habbits..
                                                     To be or not to Be


Having2LeftFeet
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 3/23/2005 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
smurf  Terri,
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is a very serious matter and none to be taken lightly especially after what happened 2 days ago at a school in MN. (?) The one thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself for what he has become. You can't go back and change things. We have choices in life and some of us make bad choices. I for one did and I still live with the pain even though I have been forgiven. As for his father, I would say that the fault falls on him, however, that too is in the past. It's what's happenning right now. From what you have said, I believe if I was strapped with the same situation, I would want my child taken out of the entire community and put in some type of therapy and solitude so he can't hurt anyone or himself. What you are saying is very serious so don't take this lightly. You have to think about if he did do something and you didn't stop him when you had the chance, that would be forever on your conscience and now they are making the parents responsible for the kids actions if under 18. I don't want to see any parent go to jail over something their child did and they knew and didn't stop them. Think of how you would feel if lives were lost at his hand? Think of how you would feel if he took his own life in the process. I am going to pray very hard for you and your son today. In fact, I will fast lunch for this. I care deeply about you and your son. You are a sister in Crist and he a child of God. Please do the right thing.
 
Hugs
H2LF 
There is no such word as can't. Can't simply means wouln't. Grab as much as life as you can. Future is a long way away for those who don't believe. Don't build a foundation of life on sand. It will take it away with the tide. Love a little more, be unkind a lot less.


Sadgirl2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 3/23/2005 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you so much. I am working with the school, a therapist a psychiatrist and we are thinking of having him attend a school out of state that also provides therapy. It is very expensive, but if that is what he needs I will find a way to do it. I am having an evaluation and testing done to see if there is any mental types problems that can be diagnosed that we are unaware of. It is a team of people who do the evaluation and it sounds like it is a good first step.
 
Since he's been home from school he's been doing very well, I hope it keeps up. At any rate I will do what I need to do, as you say I don't want any regrets about this later and don't want anyone to get hurt.
Terri B
 
 


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 3/23/2005 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
You're a terrific mom, Terri!

Hugs,
Chutz
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

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