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Topazworm
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/11/2005 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I dont know if this is the right place to post so forgive me. But i need advice. I have a loving g/f and ONE sole friend. She i believe, is using me. She stays over my place when the g/f isnt there as the g/f doesnt like her. when she does stay over i feel used, i take her out. buy her things before she got her new job. ring her. txt her. support her. yet she never makes me feel like a friend. i dont have a social life, so she invites me out to clubs and bars but still i refuse because i know she will abandon me and not talk to me. only wants me to go to clubs with her to have someone with her on the train journey. She doesnt pay me back money she's borrowed she doesnt buy me things like ive bought her. If i see something i know she likes i buy it. she never does, she just spends her money on herself. So in short.. i need advice. Shall i kick her out of my life? or talk to her about this? maybe she will change?

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 4/11/2005 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Topazworm,

Well, this isn't really an advice column it is a place where people who are depressed come to get encouragement.

I can offer you one bit of advice, but it sounds like you are already onto that. My advice is that you draw clear boundaries for yourself and for the friend. There is a line which a friend should not step over. If you LEND money, it should be clear to the friend that she needs to repay you and in what time frame she needs to repay. She may have thought you GAVE her the money. If you buy her something, she should know if it is a gift or a loan.

I would always favor talking to someone before losing a friend.

I hope this helps.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms: 139

UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Depression, GI Probs, High BP, Glucose Intolerance
 
I have no medical training. 
The message above is my sincere attempt to share with you.  You are now my friend.  Thanks for being here.


Hazelbug
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 4/11/2005 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I think the only way to really find out is to completely stop lending money to her and stop buying gifts for her. Real friends don't expect to receive gifts or money. If she sticks around and still wants to hang out with you, you'll know she's a real friend. Plus, this way you won't have to confront her and have an awkward conversation.

CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 4/12/2005 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Adding she can't and won't change unless SHE wants to. Good luck in finding your answers.
 
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
 
Randy


condoleezaiscool
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 4/13/2005 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
People can smell desperation like a vulture can smell a corpse. She's using you honey. I know I'm not very socially adept and used to attract all the worst kind of sob stories you could possibly imagine. All that money you're spending on your friend and all that attention is what your girlfriend is jealous about, she's mad because as a female she knows whats really going on but doesn't want to insult you (a lot of women don't like each other because we know exactly how much we can get away with the opposite sex if they happen to like us) .

curley
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 4305
   Posted 4/13/2005 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,I'am from the crohns board,but I suffer from depresstion.Me personaly I would'nt want a so called friend like that.I do agree with Condoleezaiscool that people can smell that a person is depressed and they will take advantage because they know that person week as I have heard some say.


Curley........
a.k.a.Mela,,,,,,

uummmhhhh
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/17/2005 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Topazworm, nice to see you about, get things sorted yet? yeah
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