I'm feel overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted, helpless, and hopeless!

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No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 3/14/2012 5:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I can't shake this deep, dark funk I'm in. Being in chronic pain, unemployable and left home alone all day doesn't help. My family lives in New York State while my wife and I live in Virginia.

We have no friends and don't socialize with anyone else. Since I lost my job due to a work accident, my wife works overtime each day to maintain both our bills. I only see her for a few short hours when she comes home and goes to bed after a quick bite to eat.

I have been sorting through my mounting medical bills and feel simply useless and I o longer have a positive direction. I've had three major surgeries within less than two years and I have one or two more pending my workers comp. case outcome.

I'm currently on three different anti-depressants and I have to wait almost three months to see a Psychologist! I am trying to hang in there...look for the bright side of nothing. I'm actually worth more to my wife dead than alive! Lol.

Sorry, I thought writing these feelings out would help me, but now I've just gone and bothered you. No worries...I just need a time out! No need to worry...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 34999
   Posted 3/14/2012 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you have an attorney? Is workman's comp giving you a hard time? You are probably due for a settlement. Don't let them get away with not paying bills. I would talk to an attorney that works on a contingancy and see where you stand. You could be due some big money and not know it. Talk to somebody soon and find out what to do next. If you got hurt at work, they owe you. They should be paying your medical bills and also a biweekly check. If not that, a settlement.

Stay on top of this.

I hope that you start feeling better soon. Remember to talk to somebody about the workman's comp...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

No Worries!
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2011
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 3/14/2012 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,

Thanks, I fired my lawyer and will see my new lawyer tomorrow to discuss my case. I actually won my case, but now I have to wait 30 days to see if my former employer will appeal the decision. They may want to settle, but screw that...my medical bills are way too expensive and my future medical bills will drain the life out of me as well. Besides, I won the freakin case, why would I want to settle now?

It just sucks that my wife has to put up with the stress and worry over both my medical condition and the finances. I lost my job and career because of the reckless actions of a coworker. My back and neck are so screwed up I couldn't possibly work even a part time desk job! My only choice is to retire and also collect SSD. I was turned down for SSD and so I hired another attorney to help me with that claim as well.

Still, even if financially I am okay, I still have nothing to do that is either productive or satisfying and helps take my mind off my constant pain. I feel trapped in a broken body. I used to love the outdoors, hiking, camping, skiing, etc. Now, going to get my mail from my mailbox is like taking a hike. The medication has all but killed my colon and I already have a bladder disorder. For crying out loud, I'm only 44 years old, but I feel like I'm 95 years old. If wishes were true, all I would wish for is to take back that one moment n time where I was injured. I really enjoyed my job and was looking forward to future promotions. I still had about 13 years left before full retirement.

There are no wishes, no 'what ifs' and no turning back time. I have to believe there was a reason why this happened to me. A purpose to all my suffering. I just don't know, the more I hurt the more I wish it ends...that I end. I keep saying and this is true, 'if I were a horse, I would have been put out of my misery a long, long time ago'. Now tell me that is not the truth!

Please, someone help me make some sense of all this. Help me find a reason or a purpose to everything, anything... sad cry

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 12888
   Posted 3/15/2012 4:33 AM (GMT -6)   
i recently posted about the lame horse. i understand. one day at a time my friend. sending much healing compassion to you, jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 3/15/2012 6:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Done

Chronic pain can really ramp up depression. I too suffer CP and depression. I had to resign my job 7 years ago. Americans often define themselves by their work, which can be devastating when we retire or quit. I felt useless and worthless for many years. It sounds like you were raised with a work ethic.

So what now? I cannot even work a part time job because I cannot sit OR stand for more than 15 minutes. My daughter is almost 16, and will go off to college and then what?!?!

Well, I have looked for work that you can work at home online. There are alot of positions out there as customer service, tech supporrt, writing online articles (I just signed up for a few of those) You sound articulate and hard-working. Start searching for something you CAN do. Many states have programs to train and find work for folks like us. I am approaching retirement age so noone wants me but you are still young.

In the meantime, are ther any volunteer agencies you feel strongly about? I became a CASA volunteer, a child's legal advocate. We also trimmed down on possessions, sold our boat and a few lots to subsidize. We have sold alot on Ebay Local. Just a few suggestions.

I know it hurts when you see your partner working so hard and you feel helpless, but you are not. You ARE the same person, just a little dinged up-lol. Try to stay positive. I felt better just looking for something to do. I amsure you are helpful at home, which takes stress off your wife. You will find a niche.

I hope your case will be resolved soon and SSD will pay back pay to date of disability, so better times will come soon. I would listen to any settlement offers because that phase needs to end. It would provide dollars and create less stress for you.

Best of luck-keep us posted

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Jinx
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/17/2012 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello 'Done'..... I'm about done myself. I also suffer from extreme pain and live away from my family. In a way I'm glad for that so as not to be a burden to them. I had to quit the best job in the world at the age of 44 after 3 neck surgeries due to a genetic case of spinal deterioration. I've been through every pain treatment there is, almost, up to and including a 'morphine pump' which is constantly running 4 different medication in my spinal canal on a regular basis. I'm new here and trying to find a forum where I fit in. Your story about being DONE sure hit home with me. They have introduced a new miracle drug into my pump (Prialt) and I'm waiting for that to take effect. The problem is that it has to be started at a very low dose and increased very gradually monthly. I live day by day, hour by hour just waiting for my next refill which is still almost 2 weeks away. I have had some scary thoughts lately and always say if it weren't for my 2 sons I would have checked out a long time ago. They call me on a daily basis and help keep me going. Well, I can only sit at the keyboard for so long before the pain starts creeping in so I'm outta here. Hang in there with me ........

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 34999
   Posted 3/17/2012 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jinx,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry for your situation. And I am glad that your son's care so much to call you daily. That really helps a lot. I hope that the new drug works for you. Do keep us posted. You have come to a good place. Everybody is sso kind and understanding here.

I hope that you can keep your depression in check. I have fibromyalgia sso I know how chronic pain is depressing. I have been through it.

Keep posting when you can. I know it is hard for you. Take care...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 12888
   Posted 3/17/2012 7:02 PM (GMT -6)   
welcome jinx.

with healing compasion,

jamie
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER,

RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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