Feeling overwhelmed!

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misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 6/6/2012 12:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Feel overwhelmed...again.

I feel like everything in my life is just coming to a head and overwhelming me right now, and I just feel like I can't take it.

My back pain is still bad, and I'm so frustrated with it and just the daily problems it brings with it...and not being able to do much. That is bad enough and makes me depressed, but now I have other stuff going on too.

My dad is having basically psychotic breaks. He's 67, but has had 'nervous break downs' before and ever since my mother died he's been either almost suicidally depressed, nasty and mean, or manic acting or panicked. He's the income provider for me (pensions), since I can't work right now, and it means that everything we own—our home, cars, insurance, all rides on his shoulders...and he's the one who needs to be provided for and taken care of. He's just unable to function. He's delusional and paranoid, and has no way to manage his money. I have no legal leverage or authority over him, and if I tried to commit him by saying he was a threat to himself for others I just think it would make the situation worse.

On top of this, my boyfriend and I sort of split up, but he is still living with me. He's acting like he is so conflicted and everything, and I sort of am too, but he's sleeping with someone else and acting like he is in love with them. I just don't need that in my life, but I don't know how to get him to leave really because he has no where to go and I've been relying on him to help me with certain things due to my health problems.

I just feel stuck between these people and their problems. Even if I could leave, I'd feel bad about leaving my father to his own devices. I feel anger, but I also know that he's seriously mentally ill and can't help all of it. He needs help, and I have no idea what to do. I just wish someone was there for me like I try to be there for everyone else. I feel like everyone's emotional crutch, and that I'm just being used and saddled with all the drama and baggage. It isn't fair to me, but I have no idea how to get out. I'm just so overwhelmed and feeling so angry and depressed. I just hate my life right now and wish I could be alone and live my own life away from all this.

...Thanks everyone, for having the forum and stuff here. It helps to vent. smhair


shakehead

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 6/6/2012 4:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Are you going to any type of counseling? It would help you to have somebody to direct you through this. A counselor would find the path that you need. I would seriously think about it.

I hope that things get better for you. It seems that not a lot has changed in your situation, only gotten worse. I hope that you can get through this. I hope that you can find a place to live. Maybe you and your boyfriend should find a place together.

Does your father still have the horse? I seem to recall that...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 6/6/2012 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone.

I have a therapist that I see, and I have seen her for several years now. She's been very helpful overall, but mostly just to bounce my thoughts off of her or to vent. I have an appointment with her next Thursday.

And yes, my father still has a horse. It is stabled and taken care of in a ranch-like place 30 minutes away from us, and he has probably only ever went up to see it five times. He's ridden it maybe three times. He pays about $200 a month for it, not to mention the $2000+ for when he actually bought it. He's had it for five years now, so you can imagine how much money he's thrown away at that. It's something that really bothers me, but he's so sick now that I know there is no way he is going to do anything about that on his own.

I just don't know how my boyfriend and I could get a place together. We just don't have that kind of resources, and right now we're sort of not even really together...I wish I could just live on my own.
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 6/6/2012 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you and your boyfriend able to work? Maybe this is a goal that you should set for the two of you. Or just for yourself. Talk to your counselor and see if the two of you can come up with some ideas on how you can get out of that house and live on your own. Are there any programs that would help you? Or low cost housing that you could get? Are you disabled? I am sure you could set small goals. Even a way to spend time away from the house so you can get some relief. This is going to have to be acted upon by somebody in your family. Your father can't continue to live in this way. I would call social services and see what to do. Or probate court. Somebody is going to have to step up to your father and do what is right for him. But you can't do it alone, you need help from other family members.

I wish you well with this, don't become overwhelmed, take it one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen

PS talk it over with your family and maybe you could give the horse to the people where it stays and they might take it.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 6/6/2012 11:30 AM (GMT -6)   
You need to call social services for your dad. He needs to be monitored and possibly put in a home. You aren't doing him any favors by putting it off. They could possibly help you with getting power of attorney for your dad so you can deal with his money issues like the horse.
Have you tried to apply for disability?
As to the no longer boyfriend who is sleeping with someone else, tell him to go live with his new love. You need to take care of your dad and yourself, not someone who is making you hurt.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C6-C7

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 6/6/2012 11:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks again.

I'm in the process of appealing for disability, and right now it just all up to the administration to give me a hearing date, which I probably won't get until around this December at the earliest. I can't really work at all, but my 'boyfriend' does work part time right now. He's tried to get more hours or a second job, but has only had limited success.

The reason why I am not pushing anything with my boyfriend is because he is also pretty unstable and I just can't handle him blowing up and getting super upset or angry. It's not that I am just letting him do whatever he wants, but even still, just the situation is stressful. If he could just leave easily then I'd prefer that, but right now it'd be kicking him out to the curb basically which I am sure he would resist and I just can't take any sort of fighting with him right now when I have other stuff going on with my father. If this guy he likes wanted him to stay with him, then that would probably be the best thing...but I don't really think that is going to happen.

My sister and I found out that my father signed a form to allow us to speak with his medical doctor directly, even without him present. We have an appointment Monday to discuss things with my father's doctor, and I guess we are going to go from there.

Thanks again everyone. I just want things to be calm at home, its all I really ask for.
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 6/6/2012 12:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Things will calm down. At least this is a step in the right direction with the doctor. It is a hard thing to do, dealing with your father. But you are doing whtat is in his best interest. He needs professional care at this point. We are here with you. We support everything you do. You are doing the right thing by talking to the doctor with your sister. Things are probably going to change. But you will be okay.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 6/6/2012 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks again, Karen.

My father is just beyond my help and I know that, it is just hard since he won't really get help voluntarily and he supports me financially. It's just such an odd situation. Most caregivers of elderly parents have their own income and tend to be the primary income earner. So I envy that and wish I could do that for him, even though I wish I didn't have to do this at all and could have just had a healthy father...

It really helps to be on here, so I appreciate it a lot. :)
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 6/6/2012 3:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I can see it is an odd situation. If your father goes into a nursing home, will he still be able to financially support you? Or would you lose that support? I hope that you don't lose it. I know that you feel bad that you can't help your father, but I think it is out of your hands. It sounds like he really needs to be somewhere where he will be taken care of on a twenty four hour basis. Know that you can't change what is happening. And know that it is all for the best. The doctor will help you make a decision as what to do. You may even be able to get somebody to come in and take care of him. It all depends on his condition and his capabilities.

I am glad that you are applying for disability. That will really help you. You will have your own money that you will use to take care of yourself. I hope it works out for you. It can be a long drawn out process or sometimes it goes faster. But either way I hope that you get it. Keep us posted on that if you would...

I hope that you are having an okay day. Try to relax. This is going to work out for you and all concerned.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

misterkatamari
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 6/6/2012 8:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. :)

I'm having a better day overall today/tonight. My dad was less severely delusional today, and I am dealing with the boyfriend thing and just trying to relax.

I think my dad definitely needs to be hospitalized at least short term to be stabilized. He acts like if you do that you get strapped in a chair and shocked or something, and I have tried again and again to tell him that that isn't what it's like. I've even checked myself into a psych ward before, so it isn't that much different! If he was in a hospital-like facility they could monitor his meds, his overall health, his diet, exercise, and counsel him. They'd keep him safe too and could help him with acute attacks. That is exactly what he needs right now. If he waits too long, he really will end up in a long term care facility eventually and none of us want that.

So yeah, I'm going to try and relax tonight. :)
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41720
   Posted 6/7/2012 4:41 AM (GMT -6)   
I am happy that you had a better day. This is life changing and can seem difficult, but just take it one step at a time. Everything will work out...

I am glad that you relaxed some. Keep that up. Especially now when the stress is higher.

Keep posting...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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