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Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
Posted 7/5/2012 12:36 AM (GMT -7)
I am new to the depression forum, usually post on Chronic pain or Fibromyalgia once in a while. I am hoping to get a new perspective on my depression in this group.
I know now that some of my medical issues are life-long although there will be times of less pain and times of flare ups. I also have anxiety and depression history with panic attacks and PTSD. There was a lot of abuse in my past, but now I am married to a wonderful husband and have 2 teenage sons, 13 and 14 years old.
The feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, being lost and all alone never go away now. I have called my psychiatrist and set up an appointment for next week, his first available. The counselor he referred me to at his office is a girl I went to high school with. Our first and only session included her saying that I was such a goody goody who got all A's and was involved with everything, then I just disappeared and people said I attacked someone and was in juvie. That was when I began having panic attacks, and started down a long, lonely road of agoraphobia. She told me that she always thought I would succeed, and its a shame I am disabled and mentally ill. I have asked several times to switch psychologists, and am going with another outside of his office. She didn't want to help me, and she put me down. I don't need that.
A major part of these feelings is the problem of mobility and activity. Any movement causes me pain in my abdomen and pelvis. Scars bind all my bowel, colon, bladder, and abdominal muscle wall together, and pull on things as I move around. Not always being able to help with the housework or cooking really drives me crazy. If I can't get up and move around, I will fold clothes, chop veggies or fruit for our meals, pay bills sometimes, and mend clothes and crochet prayer shawls.
How do you stop the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness when you know that your struggle will never end, and you don't know what you can or can't do each day until it comes?
This has made me so isolated and alone. I don't recognize the person I have become, and my husband's family doesn't seem to want to see me for who I am, preferring to pretend that I will heal totally and get a job soon. They have said they feel I am using their son for him to take care of me. He shouldn't have married a disabled woman who has no cure or magical method of healing.
I am so lost tonight, can't sleep, can't even get out of bed now from all the activity today. What do you do when things are like this? How do you cope with everything?
One day at a time, one moment at a time I know....but just can't seem to get there right now. I cry all the time, and my husband wants to help but does not know what to do.
Thanks for any responses.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, endometriosis, history of adenomyosis with hysterectomy, ovarian remnant syndrome, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, kidney stones, depression, and anxiety with panic attacks.
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 36798
Posted 7/5/2012 3:26 AM (GMT -7)
I know that things didn't start out very good. But they are going to get better. I am glad that you are seeing a different counselor. I wouldn't want to see that one either. Take what she said with a grain of salt. She doesn't sound very professional. Chalk that up to a bad experience. I think you are going to do better with a different counselor.
Don't listen to your husband's family. Know he loves you for who you are no matter what type of disability you have. He chooses to stay and be there for you and all that is between you and him, not his family.
Things ARE going to get better soon. I have fibromyalgia too and I understand your pain in that respect. I understand your emotional pain too. Keep hanging in there. Once you start counseling with the new counselor, things should get better.
Hugs and welcome!!!
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
Posted 7/7/2012 6:49 PM (GMT -7)
I do hope you reported that counselor to her superiors. I didn't do well with counseling myself. That doesn't mean you can't get help for your depression.
I am on antidepressants to deal with my depression and for me, that works well. Have you talked to your regular doctor about
this? I get my meds from my regular doctor.
It's pretty common for those of us with chronic pain to also get depressed. My depression came first, but I believe my pain issues are not helping. It's really hard to be in pain all the time and it definitely gets me down at times.
As to the husband's family. Ignore them. You didn't marry them, you married your husband. Obviously he loves you so why care what they think? Just shove all that aside. It's not your problem it's theirs. It can only be your problem if you let it be, so don't.
As to him supporting you, have you tried to get disability?
I hope some of this helps and I hope you keep posting. It does help to talk stuff out.
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C5-C6
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
Posted 7/8/2012 7:44 AM (GMT -7)
I remeber you from other forums. I have MDD, PTSD, fibro and chronic pain also. You are not alone and I struggle on a daily basis too.
Are you on psychmeds and pain meds? The pain meds help me get some basic housework done so I don't get that guilty, worthless feeling. It is not perfect but oh well...we have kids and husbands. I have sat down with the family and requested help in very specific terms, doing own laundry, cleaning own bathroom, and other weekly chores. This has helped/ Hubby, altho he seems to think depression is a choice ("I don't understand what you have to be depressed about
"-LOLOL) is still helpful too.
I am on disability. Talk to GP and psych to see if thisd is a possibility. A dis. lawyer requires no $ upfront so maybe get that ball rlling. Try to limit exposure to toxic people, like family. They choose not to inform themselves.
I know how easy it is to feel hopeless, but we must keep trying. I have had limited success but had some good periods. I change meds as needed, research new treatments, did ECTs, I listen to music, deep breathing, visualization. Light exercise is good if possible. Good sleep habits and eating weel and taking vitamins can help too.
There is ALWAYS hope..you have a loving family...hold on to that
Let us know
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica
seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium
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