This morning I was searching the internet hoping to find some support from forums that perhaps can help my situation right now and came across this one. Seems I’m at a loss to what to do really to help my young daughter. She’s 19 and moved out from home last year to live with her boyfriend (now x ) as she didn’t want to live with my partner any more at home. Her farther and I separated when she was 7 so all she really knew was me and we have always been close., he was a drinker always has been so she has no contact . However growing up for Jay I think was hard as she never mixed well with friends , always the loner and always had low self esteem. I’ve always tried my hardest to be there for her ,give her everything I possibly can as much as possible, She went through many years hating herself self harming ,eating problems she’s so skinny always has been and always worried me so much. Anyhow when I met my now partner when she was fifteen I thought she would get along with him and vise versa, he would come over for dinner and we would all go out together. We did try but no conversation went on, always a struggle it seems for both of them. My partner has no children he’s 50 now so I do understand it was new for the both of them and especially my daughter as it had always been just me and her. I suggested going away; she declined this and took to her room day in day out eating/ sleeping there and never coming out. Then i noticed that she wouldnt bother with herself washing dressing and I was constantly tidying her room as I never seen anything like it plated dirty dishes clothes rubbish everywhere it really smelt and the smell lingered through the house. I kept picking up after her not wanting to cause her anymore upset and was doing this before he got home to keep the peace it was all exhausting . When she was 18 she got a job, quite a good paid job which she heard about from a friend. She started and enjoyed it and for a few months felt that things were getting better for her and she seemed happier all round. She announced she was moving in with her boyfriend and that was that, I was so upset cried for almost two weeks wondering how shed cope as she’s so young in her mind like a young child. I tried not to show how I felt to her not wanting to distress her anymore. She told me that if I was living on my own she would have stayed but as she and my partner don’t converse get along she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable living with him anymore. I obviously tried talking with him, have done nothing but talk to him asking him to try and talk to her make her feel welcome and the shock came when he yelled “I don’t like her, and it will be better when its just the two of us” I was devastated ,had she had been a young child I would of asked him to leave but as she knew he didn’t want her there she would go. I couldn’t put my foot down and ask him to go as he pays all the bills, financially I couldn’t have managed to keep the roof over our heads alone without him. I have felt torn apart and now so guilty as things have got quite bad for her. It didn’t work with her boyfriend, he found another girl. She moved out to another place, she wanted to come home for a few weeks a while back but only came back for a night as my partner wouldn’t have her stay longer and this she picked up on, I felt awful. Since in her new place she has become depressed, suffers anxiety attacks. The GP two weeks ago has prescribed her antidepressants and has been off work two weeks. She says she cant face work and cant even remeber to eat these days shes so low and tearful. I go around every day before or after I’m due to start work, I clean the flat as its absolutely upside down and dirty. Her money whatever she has goes on well I cant imagine junk food and cigarettes she’s never got money so I’m supporting her all I can with what she needs. Financially I’m feeling the strain as I only work as a carer and on low earnings. I take her out to try and give her support. The saddest thing is that Im not able to come home and talk to my partner tho I have tried and I get no support as he doesn’t want to know. I sit and cry for her alone. He says she needs a good shake and support from friends was his words so I’m at my wits end as to what I can do. I have told her i want her happy , she’s young and shouldn’t be sitting in a darkened dirty room as she has some much going for her. Truth is she’s poorly and needs my help and I don’t know what ese to do. Im sad her doctor hasnt even suggested counselling but given her pills. Id be grateful for any advice if anyone could help me please. Id like to bring her home and keep her safe like any mum would, and feel this is what I should be doing but also feel that I must understand my partner doesn’t want this.
Thanks for listening.